|Reviews for The Ghost Map|
| Sierraoscar154 chapter 2 . 10/2/2012
Didn't really expect to see...you know, that guy here. It's nice to see Holmes has a life outside of sleuthing and all that good stuff, but he's a got a real case now to work on! Anyway, the conversation between Holmes and Mrs. Hudson is pretty good, with a fussing landlady attitude that serves as a good foil to Holmes' more intellectual musings. Holmes is as sharp as usual in this chapter, and overall, it's a good one.
| The Death Frisbee chapter 9 . 10/2/2012
Hey there! Tone and pace and characterization remain solid, and your voice works well for Victorian-era lit, as I have mentioned before. In particular in this chapter, there is some good omniscient-narrator foreshadowing with 'She was right,' et cetera, which obviously wouldn't work for modern-day Sherlock (as it'd feel old-fashioned) but works for something set in ACD canon and its era.
A bit of a quibble with the surname 'Yorick' - it feels too much like a Hamlet nod. It's nitpicky, but it took me out of the story a bit (and 'Kensington' as a surname quibbled me a bit too, given that it's the same name as several London neighborhoods). It's not a necessary change in any way, but I think making those surnames a little more generic might help the characters blend in slightly more. (The name 'Sherlock' is probably fantastical enough.)
Abandoned shipyard on the banks of the Thames - where? Docklands, probably - probably a drydocks to have individual ships in for repair, since there would be less people there. If I'm being particular, I'd situate it where the King George V dock gets built in 1921, since that would have remained undeveloped in Holmesian times: On the eastern end of the Plaistow Marshes, in between the working-at-the-time Victoria (to the west) and Royal Albert (to the east) docks. This is nitpicky, but given that London has always had activity, just saying 'abandoned shipyard on the Thames' drew my eye.
I'd also like some note at the end of how 'I certainly hope so, sir,' is spoken - dubious, sarcastic, completely buying into it, what? I don't get a sense of that.
SPAG follows. Hope this helps!
Holmes lying unconscious in a steadily growing pool of blood, with a gun - you need a comma before the 'with,' otherwise the clauses run into each other
loath to admit - thus. 'Loathe' is the active verb form
that I'm quite - aah!" The sentence ended - make it a new sentence. Also would change the spelling since 'ahh' to me says 'sigh of relief,' and maybe italicize it as well for emphasis.
Holmes on my own." - comma should be period
| Verran chapter 1 . 10/2/2012
I thought this was a good, well balanced opening.
I actually read the fic containing the full lecture before I started this. I think, though, I prefer this version of the story than having the whole lecture in the chapter (if you were ever intending to do that) and the reason is that the origin of the cholera epidemic in London is well known and it ties in nicely with the scene with the water pump at the end. Plus, the first half of the chapter introduce Watson and Holmes well enough before we move on to Oliver Kensington, whereas the detail and the bickering that went on in the lecture would have detracted from the overall balance I think.
Couple of points that I noticed:
"I trust that your lecture went well, my dear Watson." He remarked, sticking his pipe between his teeth and offering his customary wry smile. - Comma after Watson, and 'he remarked' - no capital letter required
He held up one piece of paper to the light of the gas lamp. Squinting slightly, I realized that it was a diary page that I had obtained specifically for this lecture. For a moment, he looked intrigued. Then he replaced the paper in the stack and glanced up at his friend. - Watson's narrative slips into the first person POV here. Needs correcting to third person.
| ReadingBlueWolf chapter 9 . 9/30/2012
I thought that Holmes might have shot himself. I like how you're starting to show the other side of the operation. I'm interested to see what's tied up behind the curtain. I guess it shouldn't have been a surprise to hear Holmes and Watson voice that it was Moriarty. It was still interesting, nonetheless. I can't wait to see where this goes! Great job!
| MessengerOfDreams chapter 3 . 9/30/2012
Why did I not expect this? This is a clever twist that feels delightfully Sherlockian. I look forward to seeing what bearing this has on the story. I love how well you nail the style of late 19th century Sherlock and England. It feels very authentic to me. I look forward to reading more and seeing the progression of the plot; this story is surprisingly shorter than I anticipated being only 30k words and that alone intrigues me being almost a fifth of the way through it.
| Dominus Tenebrosus chapter 14 . 9/29/2012
I suppose all's well that ends well! Sorta. I'd consider that spoilers, but to my recollection the Sherlock Holmes stories always ended reasonably well anyway, and as you've done so well emulating Mr. Doyle's style and works, well, it's only to be expected that you'd have stuck with the same sort of ending.
Getting there, of course... That's the fun bit!
I have to say, I've thoroughly enjoyed this story, so in response to your author's note... Yes, yes I enjoyed it. Immensely, even. :) 'tis good soup. :D
That end bit... You know, there's an awful, awful pun to be made there involving Shakespeare's work. And I'm positive that's exactly what you had in mind, too. ;P
Anyway, well done. Definitely worth the read. :D
| Dominus Tenebrosus chapter 13 . 9/29/2012
He's a stubborn git, isn't he?
That said, with everything... Hmm, I'm not sure how to say it without being spoilers... Hmm... Well, I guess the fact that there is still one more chapter is good in that regard. That's all I have to say there. :P
| Dominus Tenebrosus chapter 12 . 9/29/2012
Man. He got scrambled something fierce, didn't he? Guess he would, considering what happened to him. That clever bastard.
I must say, my hat's off to you. This is a very compelling story. :) I look forward to finishing it. :D Hm. And a bit sad that it will soon be over; curious effect.
| ReadingBlueWolf chapter 8 . 9/29/2012
What a way to end this chapter! Oh my goodness! I was holding my breath through the tension! I really enjoyed the bit that said "The mad and the sane, but which was which?" That was so clever and great! I'm interested to know what the man was alluding too. I wonder if you really killed the man though. Hmm... Over all this chapter was great and I loved it! This story is amazing!
One thing I caught that was a bit confusing was:
""I would call a job murdering innocent citizens a job 'like any other',"-Did you mean I wouldn't?
| Sierraoscar154 chapter 1 . 9/29/2012
I like the intro to this. I enjoyed the reference to Dr. John Snow and the beginnings of Epidemiology; the London Cholera outbreak of 1854 is an event that is rarely taught in schools today and without it, we wouldn't have the public health institutions we enjoy today. *Ahem* Anyway, I liked the sly nature of Oliver Kensington; the backstory was of course, simple yet tragic, and there's much, much more to him than what meets the eye. Great stuff!
| Dominus Tenebrosus chapter 11 . 9/29/2012
I'm afraid I don't, in response to your author's note. :(
That said... Wow. I don't even know what to say. I'm assuming the bits in italics are hallucinations, but either way, man... All the feels. :/
Clever bastard, that guy is. But not clever enough to deal with our now aware backup, I think. :)
| Dominus Tenebrosus chapter 10 . 9/29/2012
A few-! ...I have to admire his attitude.
Into the maw of hell he goes. I hope he gets backup. Looks like he might once they puzzle it out when they get there.
Or it might be too late. Hm. Either way, kudos. You keep me coming back for more. :D
| Dominus Tenebrosus chapter 9 . 9/29/2012
...Everything went better than expected! Sorta.
Either way, bet he can't. Bet he dies ironically, actually. Hm. What else can I say that isn't spoilers... Hm. Not much, unfortunately. Hrm.
Either way, no SPAG errors or anything like that. Just the usual "I want more!" reaction. :P
| Dominus Tenebrosus chapter 8 . 9/29/2012
...Hooo boy. Whatever the outcome, that cannot possibly end well. Man though. One needs better control of oneself in such a situation. And you'd think he would have it.
Before you take that the wrong way, I don't mean to imply you've written him out of character or anything, just that you've shown that he's still human, in spite of things. Well done, on that front. :)
Anyway, no SPAG errors or anything like that. :) Everything looks good on that angle.
Definitely going to keep tagging you. Particularly after that little cliffhanger. :P
| Dominus Tenebrosus chapter 7 . 9/28/2012
...Well. That puts a new spin on things, doesn't it? Hrm.
Anyway, gripping as always, I like the way you've done went and threw things on their head like that. Did not see that coming. Hm.
Anyway, SPAG... For once, there was a SPAG issue that I noticed, and that was the following:
"Holmes. No, thing that I've seen."
I'm not sure, but I'm assuming you meant Nothing, not "No, thing"? Could be wrong though... Either way, kind of awkward as it is now.
Anyway, definitely going to keep reading and reviewing this as I can. Because it's good. :D