|Reviews for Isabella Marie Snape|
| Tiltman.bbb chapter 15 . 4/3
This was a great read nice job
| loving my insanity chapter 11 . 10/30/2012
umm this is compleatly irrevilent and off topic but i have to ask are you a percy jackson fan? cuz u know Annabeth then Greece it just kinda screamed it but this is an amazing story
| ANGEL FALLEN FROM HEAVEN chapter 15 . 3/22/2012
omg nawwwwwwww they are sooooooo cute together haha suck on that crazy bitch molly haha
| The Scratch of Quills chapter 15 . 3/14/2012
I loved this story! Great job!
| Lady Julie Snape chapter 1 . 3/14/2012
As a Snape fan, I am offended.
| Angel JJK chapter 15 . 3/13/2012
| BlueNeutrino chapter 3 . 3/13/2012
Okay, this will be the last chapter I read of this story because it isn't getting any better. You still haven't given us a proper explanation of anything and you keep springing new plot points on us in chapters that are far too short to properly develop them at all.
Neville wanting to propose to Bella comes out of nowhere, and really given that she's just lost her father, if he loves her surely he'd be more concerned about comforting her right now than putting extra pressure on her to agree to marry him when she's not in the right emotional or mental state to consider it.
Your Bella is also coming across very much as a Mary Sue. She always seems to be the centre of attention - in the previous chapter everyone was amazed at the way she handled Hedwig, and in this chapter everyone's feeling sorry for her and Neville wants to marry her. Also, you've just revealed she's a skilled occlumens as well. All this, and yet she doesn't seem to have any depth as a character and is very one-dimensional. You could do with developing her a lot more, which might be achieved by having longer chapters in which you actually explain more of her background.
As much as I think the premise of Bella being Snape's daughter has potential and I'd like to see a believable portrayal of her reaction to his death, I don't think I'm going to get that from this story. I hope I've given you a few points to consider to help you improve and good luck with your future writing.
| BlueNeutrino chapter 2 . 3/13/2012
This is getting even weirder. Even more questions are posed as to how Bella knows Hedwig (who as far as the reader knows is *Harry's* owl) but none of them are answered. In the first chapter it was implied that Bella didn't like Edward, but now the Cullens are following her home and instead of getting mad at them for it she just decides to talk to them. And still you haven't explained what happened for her to leave England and go to Forks. It's illogical and frustrating to read.
Your punctuation, while far from terrible, is inconsistent. Credit where it's due, you do seem to know that a semi-colon isn't just to be used for smilies, but that doesn't excuse the grammar errors and not following the correct punctuation rules for writing in quote marks. There's still a lot of room for improvement here.
| BlueNeutrino chapter 1 . 3/13/2012
This was bizarrely written. The very first paragraph in particular didn't flow very well at all - it had an odd section where the narrative voice seemed to either be breaking the fourth wall or just talking to itself (I'm not sure which, that section was just too strange) and the sentence fragments didn't help me make sense of it. The train of logic that paragraph followed also doesn't add up: Bella wants to go back to Hogwarts, which the narrator implies is strange because she's supposedly a sweet, innocent girl, but she actually isn't because she's related to Snape. Not one of those things logically leads to the conclusion of one of the others.
The second paragraph then doesn't tie in with the first one at all. I thought there would be more explanation of how Bella is related to Snape, but no. Sprung on us from nowhere is the revelation that Bella is dating Neville, which is given no kind of explanation or context, and also this paragraph introduces the first use of the very immature sounding nickname 'Edweirdo' for Edward.
The third paragraph then needlessly info-dumps on us about Bella's amethyst ring, which really I was far less interested in reading about than getting more of an explanation as to how Bella is related to Snape and why she is in Forks. Also, there's a golden rule in writing fanfiction called 'show, don't tell'. You tell us Bella is a daddy's girl, but really you ought to be showing us that, not simply stating it as fact.
The physical description of Bella is inconsistent with Bella's appearance in the books, as is the way you describe her character, and it makes me wonder why you didn't just write about an OC in the first place if you're going to change her so much. This line in particular also bothered me: "So in essence she is the exact replica of her father; except the fact that she's a girl and that she's a Gryffindor and nicer to others than him." In that case, she's *nothing* like her father. Gryffindors and Slytherins have completely different personalities, which is the exact reason they're in different houses, and you even state that Bella is nicer to people than Snape is. So how exactly is she like him? That seemed like a really weak comparison in my opinion.
I'm sorry, because I want to be able to find at least one positive thing to say about this, but as first chapters go this really isn't a good one. I'll try reading a couple more chapters to see if it gets better, but if it's all written like this then I don't think I'll be able to get very far with this story.
| The Scratch of Quills chapter 14 . 3/9/2012
Awwww love it!
| Angel JJK chapter 14 . 3/9/2012
Sweet. Please continue.
| Angel JJK chapter 12 . 3/4/2012
Sweet. Please continue.
| The Scratch of Quills chapter 12 . 3/3/2012
Love the story! Update!
| Angel JJK chapter 10 . 2/23/2012
Sweet. Please continue.
| 5SecsOfLARRYcat chapter 6 . 2/14/2012
Amazing chapter! I love it! Please update soon! :D