Reviews for Children
Brievel chapter 1 . 4/14
"Playing comic relief in a fast-paced action holo" *snicker*
Mirnava chapter 1 . 12/5/2014
This one really struck a chord with me. I can't help but feel horribly on Obi-Wan's behalf when he is so flippantly- however unintended it was on Qui-Gon's part- dismissed. The poor man had looked up to him as a father, and he's just... Disowned. You have captured this hurt - on both their parts - perfectly. More pain in my heart for Obi-Wan... Well done.

Beautiful, as always.

Mirnava
Padawan Aneiki R'hyvar chapter 1 . 12/6/2013
Ohh, Qui...dear dear Qui...just didin't quite get there...*sniff* and *huggles Obi* one more layer of regret when Qui is gone... Good read. :)
Eruhin chapter 1 . 10/2/2013
I will not cry. I will not cry. I will not... damn it, I'm crying. Nothing will be fine after Naboo, Qui-Gon, foretelling the future is really not your area.

That said, I loved the children theme of this story and Qui-Gon checking on each one of them. Obi-Wan's part was my favourite and the most painful one. I wish you'd write what happened after that, what prompted Obi-Wan to apologise to Qui-Gon. I hope one day you will :)
Nanuk chapter 1 . 6/8/2013
Mmmh, with Episode 1 fresh in mind, it's hard to come to terms with the way Qui Gon launched himself to Anakin, almost dismissing Obi-Wan without a thought. Thanks for giving words to Obi-Wan's feelings - and a knighting that felt like a betrayal. Great piece!
time2read chapter 1 . 6/3/2013
OMG amazing story! you should try to write versions that don't follow the actual story line as well! I think you'd be good at that!
pronker chapter 1 . 7/28/2012
/not our way/ Lovely piece, and it's not the Jedi way, but beyond its rules into some sort of universal parenthood angst? Dunno.

/children are a dangerous thing/ Yes; pets only want to be with you, but children want to be with you and do what you do.

"they" will all be fine, but not you, Qui. *wibble lips*
Bloody Phantom chapter 1 . 6/11/2012
:'{ ohhh..then he goes and dies before the reconciliation and the Knighting..how sad! it pulls at the heartstrings..i love the relationship between qui-gon and obi-wan and its painful to know that he died before he could patch things up with obi-wan..so so sad..

good short little story..you did a good job!
Jeune Circe chapter 1 . 3/6/2012
Hello there :) I haven't come here in a long time, but I've found some very good material :)

Wow, it's like you read my mind. I've been craving this sort of thing, coming from your head and hand, scenes from "the phantom menace". I just would love some Obi-Wan's point of view now, also Anakin's.

And I've been wondering, Qui-Gon always said 'he is the chosen one, he'll bring balance to the force' and even though Obi-Wan didn't believe it, didn't feel it, he honor his master last request.

After Anakin turn Vader, I think I remember Yoda saying that Qui-Gon has accomplish returning (like Obi-Wan and Yoda and Anakin at the end of Ep VI, some kind of ghost thing). If my memory doesn't fail me, I wonder, what Qui-Gon would have said to Obi-Wan, would he be ashamed? sad for what he may have brought? understand what did Anakin betrayals did to Obi-Wan?

Well, :) I'm gonna keep looking your stories and feed myself with Obi-Wan humor.
Shea.Butters chapter 1 . 2/12/2012
Long time reader, first time I'm reviewing.

I loved this. It was beautiful, well written, and incredibly sad. While all the characters in TPM are so young they are also so strong and filled with emotion that was address is a lovely way here. The last bit with Qui Gonn and Obi Wan was by far my favorite. Their strained relationship on the way to Naboo and Obi Wan's preceived rejection is incredibly moving. My friend and I were talking about this relationship last night so I found it to be even more compelling than I would have has I read it at any other time.

The last lines were very touching, "They will all be fine. After Naboo". I've always wondered exactly how Obi Wan dealt with Qui Gonn's death and his last words centering around Anakin instead of their relationship.

Your writing is wonderful. A perfect combination of spoken and described emotion and the moments that need to be left unsaid and implied. Lovely.
LadySaxophone chapter 1 . 2/12/2012
You did really well capturing the theme of youth in this piece. Everyone in Phantom is just really young, and I think that's part of it's charm, because you know where the characters are going to end up when they get older. You also wrote Qui Gon ridiculously well.

PS did you go see TPM in theatres? Because I most certainly did and I had a great time!
Irene Djo chapter 1 . 2/11/2012
This short broke my heart. I read it when I got up this morning...and GAH.

Nothing like a little bit of heartbreak with my eggs and coffee this morning.

" I ask the Force for guidance, for reassurance. Yes, it whispers to me. They will all be fine.

After Naboo."

That last line was a knife to my gut.

This was such a great little insight into Qui-Gon's mind during the Naboo crisis. Very well done.
charie01 chapter 1 . 2/11/2012
Awwww...is there more to this? I really enjoyed it. You write Qui-Gon and Obi-wan so well:)
Valairy Scot chapter 1 . 2/11/2012
Oh, sure, you write per request a story where Qui-Gon is not always right and then you write this (I need a smiley face).

Now, I understand Qui-Gon is expressing his POV and HOPEFULLY not the author's, but really Qui-Gon -

Now, I do not know. What seemed certain is now blurred and confused. Filial affection melted into ugly disrespect back there, on that hangar deck. Behind words, I felt the sting of resentment and defiance. Anger. Distance.

Ok, the attitude behind the words I can accept. But a simple question, is not ugly disrespect. Far from it. Possibly disrepect, I MIGHT grant you, but ugly - never.

I slide the door open. And here is my other child, the one I recently and publicly disowned before the Council. At least, that is how he perceived it. Our focus determines our reality. I intended no more than a long-overdue promotion; but he perhaps mistook the lack of ceremony for a lack of approval.

You just tell yourself that, Qui-Gon. It's Obi-Wan's fault that you want Anakin before you've freed yourself from Obi-Wan.

You probably didn't mean it that way, but arrogant as always, if he sees it different it's his issue, not yours.

I feel the answering chill suffuse my own bones. "Anakin is intimidated," I accuse, without preamble. Force knows what passed between them while I was in the cockpit. I am surprised by my own protective instinct. My Padawan has never before displayed cruelty or indifference.

He remains lying on his back, disrespectfully. I feel the thrust of my words flay through him, but all I receive in return is an eyebrow lifted with mocking disdain. "By my snores?" he inquires, sardonically. The venom is for me, not the boy. I have insulted him again by making such an ungrounded assumption.

...

"Mind your thoughts," I warn him. "They ill become you."

There is no yes, master in reply. His mouth thins, and those hard, burning eyes gloss over with sudden pain. Then he turns his face away again, dismissing me.

Well, duh, I don't know why (sarcasm mode on). Did you ASK him if he MIGHT have intimidated Anakin - on purpose or not? No, you just assumed he was in the wrong. Why, because Anakin said so. He might have been intimidated by all sorts of reasons - you know - that POV thing you accuse Obi-Wan of.

Your Qui-Gon really banged a nerve of mine, as you can tell. I just returned from 3D TPM and I rather noticed in that "You must believe me," and "You must follow my lead" coming out of his mouth, dismissing anything contrary as a deaf man lying about hearing the Force.

Qui-Gon is a good man, but a deaf and blind one in so many ways, despite his warm humanity.

And with that, my treatise is over.

Oh, good story as always. That felt good to unload on Qui-Gon.
FyreFlyte chapter 1 . 2/10/2012
Aaaaaaaaahhhh. Oh, this was so beautiful and sad! The tension between Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan practically leaps off the screen. I love how this was from Qui-Gon's POV, but my heart's with Obi-Wan on this one. Qui-Gon, you forgot that children can also be the most insecure of any of us...you unintentionally hurt Obi-Wan rather deeply. :(

The ending. Oh my goodness, it almost made me cry. Qui-Gon, you forgot something else very important - live in the moment! Never leave a relationship hanging, because you never know how much time you have.

Gah. This was so perfect. So very, very sad, but PERFECT. :)

Keep Writing!

FyreFlyte :)