Reviews for An Alternate Keitaro Urashima
Lyther chapter 19 . 8/9
Ha ha this story has made me laugh so much its brilliant, its got such a realistic spin on what would actually happen in the Love Hina universe.
Guest chapter 16 . 7/27
I can't believe you actually unleashed Urumi on the bitch squad. Maybe they deserve it, but that's just pure sadism.
elmoryakhan chapter 3 . 7/21
Some people actually said that Keutaro was out if line?! That means they themselves are like these girls here: spoilt, immature, hypocrite and lunatic!

Because any sane or rational person will act the way Keitaro did in the same situation.
sanbi221 chapter 19 . 7/1
I usually don't read bashing fics, and I can't believe I'm saying this, but after I saw the anime, you're actually keeping the girls in character. Except when you were bashing Haruka in the beginning, but at least she's wised up to Granny. I mean if I was manager, and they were abusing me, I would evict them or call the police on them. Well Naru, Motoko, and Kitsune at least. I wouldn't evict Shinobu, and Su's just a kid, but I would call her family, and tell them about her behavior. I hope you continue this fic, since this is a realistic take on how Love Hina would go in real life.
Ectis chapter 19 . 5/29
I'll wait as long as I need to for the next chapter. You've earned a follower.
Ectis chapter 10 . 5/29
I am savagely enjoying this. Love Hina was a bit too overboard in terms of its double standard of female on male humor, so reading this is a big reality check.
Guest chapter 19 . 5/2
very good, loved
Toaneo07 Ver2.0 chapter 19 . 3/26
mmmmm cool
ApologeticGuy chapter 19 . 3/4
Well, there's no bashing here if the characters' personalities are not even changed other than the protagonist. Honestly, the entire fic's all about Keitaro not taking their crap and refusing to become the Hinata Inn's personal chew toy/manager/slave/punching bag. The canon Love Hina's situation is much stable thanks to the resident punching bag being their stress reliever.

This, I am extremely happy that this is not only a deconstruction of the Love Hina series but also the deconstruction of the genre of violent and impulsive girls who think that they could get away with everything that they do, bratty little nobles who think that they could get away with everything that they do and so many things that people tend to see in a highly volatile tsundere anime.

People thinking that the premises shown in Love Hina is acceptable in real life are clearly idiots. There's nothing acceptable about domestic abuse and I believe that animations shouldn't always invoke this too much. This story is great for people who tend to see how terrible most of the main characters of Love Hina and how they will react once reality starts biting them back as hard as possible.
Mechamorph chapter 19 . 2/6
After reading both "For His Own Sake" and "An Alternate Keitaro Urashima" I have to say that I prefer the latter far more. While there is some truth to the notion that the characters therein have their flaws somewhat exaggerated, it is also true that Akamatsu-sensei has done the same for the sake of comedy. The key difference however is in the premise. "For His Own Sake" occurs at the end of the events depicted in the manga. By then the girls of Hinata-sou have grown (a little) and have far warmer feelings for Keitaro than they had upon their first meeting. Therefore their treatment of him is pretty much going back to the early manga's status quo which can strike readers as incongruous. "An Alternate Keitaro Urashima" on the other hand begins with the usual horrible first impression Keitaro makes on the residents of Hinata-sou. Given that he's moved on in life, the events of the story flow more organically as the Hinata Girls have pretty much no interest in being civil with a stranger.

To reiterate some comments made before, I think you would benefit greatly from having a beta-reader or editor. The story is fine but the expression is sometimes weak and there are a few grammar mistakes sprinkled throughout the story. My own small nitpick is that there are sometimes events which basically serve very little purpose in the story. Sometimes Keitaro is simply narrated as spending the day with his cousins, his friends or family but we hardly get to see much of it and it has no (apparent) impact on the story. I believe tightening such bits would help with the pacing of the story.
Veedramon chapter 2 . 1/6
Well, there is no real reason for the girls to want him, since they barely know him.
Veedramon chapter 1 . 1/6
I love this beginning.
Neo-byzantium chapter 1 . 12/4/2014
Quick note, when Motoko's fangirls tried to attack Keitaro after he verbally chew them up and spat them out in chapter 13, I seemed to picture them shouting "YYYYYYAAAAAGGGGHHHHHH! FOR MOTOKO!" like a trio of raving fanatics...
FreaKill chapter 19 . 11/18/2014
"Um Keitaro, I was…I was wondering if you can do me a favor?" Don't say yes, don't say yes, don't say... argh! You poor naive idiot! You should never blindly agree when your author writes the word favor. ESPECIALLY when it's also a goddamn cliffhanger!
OK, now that knee jerk reactions to the horrible f-word are out of the way, thank you for the story. There simply aren't enough decent stories about a Keitaro that's willing to stand up for himself. I've got to say this Hina seems to be running a rather peculiar sociological experiment by the way - such a selection of maladjusted girls!
There's one nitpick though - sometimes you put in needlessly detailed and dry descriptions of characters' actions, like Tokyo Train Station scene in chapter 16 for example: ' Tsuruko looked around and saw a map. She went to map and looked at the locations. She nodded and head for where she needed to go.' The whole scene does nothing but break the flow, you could have gotten rid of the thing and chapter would've been better for it. Also in the last sentence of that scene you're mixing past and present tense, if she nodded then she should've headED too. I'll the first to confess that English tenses are not my forte, but I'm fairly sure I'm right in this instance.
Hope to see next chapter soon, cheers!
ChownzLivesAgain chapter 19 . 11/12/2014
Though not canon, I can honestly say that this fic is refreshing and new! Thank you and hope that you continue to publish more chapters, keep up the great work...
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