|Reviews for The Chronicles|
| Cutie Kyuubi chapter 6 . 11/3/2012
Ha! I said the same thing when I first opened the gate! Anyhoo, if nobody told you yet, the creature pulling the caravan is called a popapamous if I've spelt that correctly
| Cstan chapter 5 . 5/25/2012
Don't worry, take your time.
BUT if you go through with your plan I expect a really amazing story in exchange for the wait
See you next chapter.
| SexyTurtle75 chapter 4 . 4/12/2012
I love this story but I have one suggestion,try to make the dungeons a bit longer, I know that you may not want to drag them on forever but if they are already at the boss next chapter then this is an insanely fast team, because I remember in the game it took me and my friends forever to get tot he giant boss. Then again it could have been because we never knew where we where going. I just feel that the dungeons would go by to quickly if each one was only two chapters long.
| Rainbow Raver Waffles chapter 4 . 3/28/2012
Hi so, loving your story so far. It's pretty good, well written and with a nice flow and you're writing seems to be making progress as you continue on which is great.
Now, if you don't mind I'm going to give you just a little criticism (hopefully constructive) and some tips (hopefully helpful.)
In the first chapters it was just a little awkward in places, especially when you were introducing or describing a character because you tended to do it all at once. That's okay but it's better to do it gradually, slipping their appearances in with description of their movements and body language.
Like, instead of saying "He had short blue hair" (just making random stuff up XD), you could say "He smiled, running a hand through his short blue hair."
Both are good, but by using my example you don't break the flow of action with the pause of description... Does that make sense?
Eh whatever. Another note I have to give you is pay attention to tense. You're doing pretty well with this in the newer chapters but in the first one at least you switched between has and had a few times.
This can easily be fixed by rereading three or four times before posting or stopping, when your flow of ideas stops, to reread what you've already written, even if the chapters not done. Doing that can also be a great way to kick your motivation back on if it suddenly quits as I know my own is prone to do. XD
And another solution to this would be to get a beta. That is, in case you don't know, a person who will read and correct your story for you before you publish it, catch your mistakes, talk about ideas and help motivate you.
There's a whole section for them here on fanfic but if you'd like I'd be willing to beta for you~ Just a friendly offer.
And now, my last bit of advice so that this doesn't get too terribly long. Be just a little more descriptive.
You're pretty good about it so far but there's so much more room for you to grow and improve. For instance, I know it's kind of hard to juggle so many characters and their interactions all at once but, try adding a little more body language at the end of peoples words. Just a little more description can make the whole experience of reading and writing the story much richer.
Example: "Where are we going?" she asked curiously.
"To the lake" he replied.
* "Where are we going?" she asked curiously, brow furrowing.
"To the lake" he replied sending her a casual smile.
And both are good, but you want both, and in a somewhat equal measure.
If you have trouble thinking of proper body language for the situation just think about or pretend that your experiencing it and act accordingly, then turn your reaction to words. It's a great trick and can be loads of fun when you end up making those impossibly comic expressions.
And uh... I think that's it... oh wait I lied, one last tip.
Italics are generally used for emphasis on words, usually a single word.
Bold is for particularly loud or shocking statements or thoughts.
Underline is not often used, for me at least, but if it is it's usually for very serious thoughts and longer statements.
I'd suggest switching most of the words you underlined to italics, but that's just me and I'm not about to try and impose my style on you XD.
But that's it for real now and I hope this was helpful and didn't come off as mean or anything and if it did I'm sorry because I meant to be as nice as is physically possibly because I'm loving your story and your characters and can't wait to see the next chapter~
Sorry this got so long by the way ; And keep on writing okay~ You're awesome 3