|Reviews for Second Shot|
| K chapter 25 . 11/15/2014
| PocketMaster123 chapter 21 . 6/14/2014
Why you no upload more? :'(
| seiht chapter 8 . 8/20/2012
Something occurred to me this chapter. Descriptions.
I went to the library a couple days ago and plucked a few books with interesting titles off the shelf, but a most of them didn’t really grab me. Interesting worlds, but the detail was simply written in such a way that it was overbearing filler. You don’t do too much of that (never more than a paragraph, really), but often when I read your briefing for new areas, I find myself impatient to get the point and start skimming.
I love detail though, but if it’s the world detail isn’t attached to the character or plot, it kind of gets shelved. Even if it is nice to have a good picture of the setting, it’s the interaction that makes an environment shine. Underwater? I know I’d try and see if those air bubbles pop.
Along that line of thought, there’s something else to consider since we’re looking at a video game. Gimmicks. Whole levels are often mapped out based on a single gimmick.
Food for thought. Heh.
Anyways. . . bit of an interesting parallel with Bordeaux’s role now and then.
Love Kuhn’s interactions.
Real Haseo not directly countering his problem, but instead using liaisons feels distinctly odd. I kind of have mixed feeling about that. Contacting Pi does make sense. And Pi confronting an ex-criminal presumed to be up to no good is very Pi-ish. And a Haseo caught between worlds hesitates. But him not taking any action for himself feels weird. Except the point isn’t him, but the rest of the cast. *facepalm* Strong ex-main characters are a bit of an oddity.
Then there’s Pi. And I’m about to say something probably very convoluted. She’s out of character in a roundabout way because she’s still acting like Pi. Reiko is a role player. Certainly not a perfect one, and her characters do have a strong willed common denominator. But she nonetheless crafts individual personalities for her characters depending on what role they’ll fulfill. Her just so happening to have a Pi lookalike, then picking up exactly where she left off strikes me as strange; it seems more likely that she’d continue with whatever persona she’d picked for that secondary PC. After all, sentiment is both her greatest weakness and most powerful driving factor.
And I have some catching up to do. Hehe.
| seiht chapter 7 . 8/20/2012
-Bordeaux makes a rapid thrust at Haseo that forces him to dive to one side, then twists into a remarkably rapid swing intended to cut Tabby's legs out from under her. She nimbly hops over it, dashes forward, then pops the dark-skinned player. . .-
“She nimbly hops over it” is the start of the trouble here. Your other battle paragraphs flow together exceptionally well. But in this case the “she” is equally likely to be either Bordeaux (the lead) or Tabby (being acted upon and needing to react). It’s not crystal clear until two more actions later.
-It's the most agonizing thing that Kenji's ever felt. . .-
Wait a minute. But all Kenji’s other battle wounds were only described as hitpoints dropping— Oh. Oh! Nice.
Augh, I totally don’t remember what Bordeaux’s referring to with TaN. I keep meaning to rewatch Roots. Except it always ends up with me wanting to throttle half the cast. It really takes a lot to push me to the point of wanting to hurt anyone at all, so that does say something simultaneously good and bad about the serial. I always had the impression that we’re not supposed to like many of those characters. They do make for interesting analysis though.
Gotta love how bad Kenji is at fighting. And his obliviousness towards the Tri-Edge mark is so facepalm worthy.
I did a little cheer as soon as Pi came up, and ended up grinning almost too widely with the mention of the real Haseo.
Snapshot of Yata feels right. The gestures match, and that emotionally detached viewpoint seals his character.
| PocketMaster123 chapter 2 . 8/6/2012
Wish you warned me with an A/M before dropping that spoiler on me at the end of this chapter! Agh! Now I can't wait!
| PocketMaster123 chapter 1 . 8/6/2012
I like the character concept for Kenji- barred from computer related work after being caught hacking, etc. Really Anime-ish and your writing style is great too. Something alot of author's I've been reading recently lack.
Can't wait to read more soon.
| Guest chapter 9 . 7/9/2012
This episode...OH SNAP
Kenji's rage is reacting to Skeith and when that happens..
| seiht chapter 4 . 3/21/2012
Whether it’s through Kenji’s mishaps or nailing his impersonation correctly, it’s nifty how much is picked up about the real Haseo’s personality in this situation.
Crazy cat in chapter 3 has gotta be Bordeaux. No one else whom Haseo’s familiar with professes love while trying to kill him. Most people are one or the other, not both. *shifty eyes*
The rerouting email was a nice detail.
Kenji’s mask crumbling was quite inevitable. Using Gaspard to start the ball rolling was an interesting slight of hand.
Seeing Zelkova act as a leader is fascinating. He’s implied to have those traits, but seeing them is a bit different. Even though there's a bit of new territory, it’s still undeniably Zelkova. Truth is a powerful tool, and he knows how to use it. One small complaint is that he seems slightly too knowledgeable about matters of the real world here. If he was confused about Tokyo a year ago, I wouldn’t expect him to knit together the social politics regarding orphanages. He’s a bright bunny, so I have no doubts that he has a very good understanding of the rest of the information he presented; just that one detail tipped the scales of too much.
I know a few people who simply play online games for fun, but now that I think about it, it really is uncommon. Life is indeed difficult, and many, many broken people seek refuge. Some find healing, some come out worse, others embrace the replacement and never move on.
Insightful chapter ]
| seiht chapter 2 . 2/24/2012
Interesting pick in characters o
I do like your writing style ] You’re so precise, and his thoughts feel natural and appropriately personal. One moment flows into the next very smoothly.
It bemoans me that I can’t critique very well here. Proper stories written in present tense are so seldom seen that I’m simply not familiar enough with it. [ So I’m stuck with the simple stuff.
In the first chapter, I do think the history telling from Mori’s Law transitioned a bit roughly back into the present tense though. You lingered in the past tense too long. The fine tunings of that are a bit beyond me. (“In this modern age that was nearly impossible,” feels like it leaks into the wrong tense. “The jobs he loved most” almost definitely looks wrong since he still loves those jobs. Except. . . again, I second guess everything.) *woeful sigh*
Not to mention that my own reviewer voice bumbles between tenses a bit haphazardly.
Good grief, the timeline. I’m pretty sure years are the only things we know though, with the exception of Aura’s birthday. 2016 was R:2’s release, Haseo started playing in 2017, and I haven’t seen anything that indicates it wasn’t still 2017 by the end of the series. I’d be really happy if someone patched together a proper timeline gluing all the media together. Or maybe that’s more of a community project since there’s so much. x.o; Even so, something tells me that might not be practical though, since the makers throw out stuff like the notes at the end of the GUplus manga. It’s all canon? *facepalm*
I used to have this general idea of how many months everything took. Then I saw a date somewhere that I think was a canon source, but now I’m starting to wonder if I dreamed the thing up since I can’t find the reference, and the timeframe given was inconceivably short. I remember being astonished and arguing with the supposed evidence for weeks afterwards.
Spellcheck sniped you one in the second chapter. Kenji was flipped to Keith once. ;
And speaking of the second chapter, Kenji’s unquestionably utterly and completely doomed.
Opening into that chapter felt a little fuzzy, and not just the waking up sort of fuzzy since that part’s supposed to be like that. I think I got it, but I still feel like I should ask. So. . . this used to be Haseo’s computer, but he presumably bought a new one? It’s sort of implied, but that “slightly used” line from the first chapter could mean just about anything. P
On a side note, that’s a short password. Really short.
I was kind of surprised at first that Kenji wasn’t overwhelmed with dizziness and nausea for logging into an Epitaph PC without the AI’s consent. Then I mulled it over and came to the conclusion that if Skeith is indeed still lurking around with Haseo’s PC, he’s almost definitely malicious enough to let the poor guy fumble around a bit first. Or he’s curious. Or he moved on. Regardless, Kenji’s still doomed. ;
On the plus side, pretending to be Haseo for a bit will give him a few positive interactions. ]
Amusing chapter. 3 I like your spin on the inside of the World too.
. . . I had some thoughts on the first chapter, but I didn’t write them down. x Meant to, but they’ve skittered off, and I have a feeling that if I think too hard about it, I’ll never get around to reviewing ;
Oh, a note on formatting, the ff net’s share button on the top of the reader makes all things centered look bad. I’m tempted to submit a suggestion ticket about getting the thing moved. . . *contemplates*
Thanks for posting ]