|Reviews for The Misadventures of a Beggar|
| AKAAkira chapter 1 . 4/7/2012
Well...while there's technically nothing wrong with the format you've told this story by, there definitely could have been a way to make this more interesting. For instance, I'm very sure a person don't JUST give a Bastard Sword away, and I'm very sure a beggar won't JUST take it. Kinda see where I'm getting at? John could've gone ahead and tried to steal it. Then you've could've wrote out the execution of the heist, Zephyr's frantic searching after, and John's very nasty shock to meeting Eiry.
Consistency error: you went from Two-Handed Sword to Dragon Blade that's strapped to Zephyr's back.
Last thing's a word of caution. While the idea of the beggar getting his story is definitely a good one, and well-worth the time to write, you've kinda strangled that idea just when you began. As soon as John put on his Traveler's Outfit, he wasn't a beggar anymore, he was some secret hero who's been unveiled. So...that would pretty much ruin the premise of the beggar getting his story. No, instead I think it's better to think of it as the beggar EARNING his story - still being a beggar at heart (and maybe in looks) consistently, and then transforming him into the role he'll eventually play in the climax.