|Reviews for Kokoro|
| FoxOwne chapter 1 . 2/3/2013
Did you know, Ko-Koro is a ice village on the island of Mata-Nui in the lore of Bionicle? It's home to Toa Nuva Kopaka, and the Ko-Matorin, and their elder, former Toa Metru, Nuju. Completely off topic, but I was reminded of my neediness by the title and decided to nerd-gasm :3
| Eukari-KIiP chapter 1 . 2/19/2012
Sorry, but I need to give some constructive criticism (should I be sorry? I don't think so). If you really are thirteen... then okay, sure. You're doing well, but I would rather that you made the story longer and with more detail. I know, I know, most Kokoro fics aren't long and it's hard to crunch a whole story in a page with equivalent of one chapter, but what you have is just a very elaborate summary. You didn't really go out of the box, which is why it turned out like any other fanfic on Kokoro. There was nothing in the plot that was essentially original or different.
Also... The summary you included. This is a harsh tip, but I think following it will make your fics less detracting in the future. When you write your fic summaries, don't be so defensive about your writing. "I'm only thirteen, chill," you said. What type of a thing is that to say to a reader? It's just like saying, "If you hate it I'm gonna hate you," and it makes people feel that your fanfiction will not be very good. Nobody cares what age you are and if it's your first fanfiction or not, and this applies to everyone. Why are you assuming that people will hate your writing? It just gives the impression that you're overprotective and unable to accept criticism. Truthfully, I got a very bad impression from that summary and ended up disliking the story a little because of it.
To prove that you can take criticism and that you are a responsible, mature person, then I recommend that you change the summary and let people give anonymous reviews.
| CrimsonFireflies chapter 1 . 2/19/2012
I think its a beautiful story, don't think so inferior about yourself. I think this is a wonderful story. Age does not matter in writing story, rather I would say while your imagination and fantasy was still fresh, it was a good choice for you to use it.
Although, don't make all the words you write centered ok, it will make people feel lazy to read it, make it justified, so people felt better in reading it. And try to explain things in not too long yet not too short either.
All in all, I will say you did a great job for your first debut, I am looking forward for your next story, but I will still say this:
1. An Author has responsibility to finish their story till the end once published.
2. Never see criticize as something bad, but see flamer and insult as something bad. Criticize is better than praise, cause there is no reason to lie to criticize.
to read other people's story, but remember there is line of age which you must not cross. Therefore don't read story which is not suitable for your age till you reach the certain age ok.
4. Use your imagination as much as you want, since you are still young, your imagination must be wider than me, organize all the ideas and create into a unique story which would attract people the first time they read it.
5. To make people attracted to your story, first impression is important, you must show them what exist in your story which in other don't. In other words, if you could make it unique, people will felt more like to read it.
6. Use your feelings to write, so that you could touch people's heart.
That's all I wanna say, I am looking forward to your creation
| ChiioMajesty chapter 1 . 2/19/2012
This song always makes me sad. DX
Your story alignment is kind of awkward though. I mean, having to read it centered makes me feel weird. But the story obviously portrays sadness and emotion. I nearly cried at the end.
But thank you for putting effort into this. Rin and Len make the best songs.