|Reviews for Ashes to Ashes|
| Black Jack278 chapter 6 . 10/7/2013
Hmmm I wonder what that something will be I guess we'll just have to see.
| Black Jack278 chapter 5 . 10/7/2013
Oooh Regina got through by the skin of her teeth on that one. Is it me or did Kirk seem to like seeing Regina getting shocked?
| Black Jack278 chapter 4 . 10/7/2013
Oh boy Regina sure was calm. If that were me I'd be bouncing around, hell I'd probably give myself away lol.
| Black Jack278 chapter 2 . 10/7/2013
Oh dear, Kirk wastes no time getting to the point does he? I wonder hoe Regina will pull it off?
| Black Jack278 chapter 1 . 10/7/2013
I can't believe I didn't find this story sooner?! *Bangs head on desk* ANYWAY it has a pretty good start, kinda sucks that she was unable to save Dylan. Anyway on to the next chapter.
| persevera chapter 1 . 1/10/2013
You certainly created a grim mood, even before the introduction of Regina, with everyone apparently more subdued than normal.
I like how you insert bits of description into your narrative, without interrupting it, with long, adjective-filled paragraphs that don't really move the story forward.
There were some missing commas but the only correction I'll note is this one: [construct the perfect time-gate over the past year in a half]-I assume that should be year and a half.
Cool beginning to your story.
| thats-a-moray chapter 2 . 12/28/2012
This chapter is definitely an improvement on the first. Regina's guilt is still present but this time she's taking steps to make things right again. I loved Dr. Kirk's performance. His dialogue gave me chills. He's cold-hearted but obviously intelligent and eloquent. It's hard to make dialogue stand out, but Kirk definitely has his own manner of speaking. I'm anxious to see what happens next.
There were a few points I thought you could improve on:
"The guard standing behind the woman stared straight… if he noticed Regina, he certainly did not acknowledge it." I'm not sure why you included the ellipses in this sentence. If you had ended the first sentence with "the woman stared straight ahead" then started the second at "If" it would read better. The ellipses are just distracting.
"If he's going to get right to business, then so will she." Change of tense here is a bit jarring. I'd just put this in italics and change "she" to "I" to turn this into a thought bubble.
| BlondieLocks chapter 1 . 12/22/2012
Hey, I'm finally digging my claws into something else by you! Well, even though I'm as fandom blind as it gets with Dino Crisis, your story was a nice breath of fresh air because it read nice and smooth and accessible for the fandom blind.
You set your characters up nice, and the bits of detail and embellishment woven throughout the text were all appropriate and needed, and I never felt once as though you went overboard with any of it. The interaction between the two women was lovely- sweet, short, and almost maternal. You don't see that too terribly often in fanfiction, and I've unfortunately grown weary of a lot of stories starting off with the immediate introduction of boy meets girl meets romance. Wherever you intend to take this relationship, I thoroughyl enjoyed seeing it begin and unfold.
I had no idea this would involve any form of time travel, but I have to say, it was a pretty awesome surprise. I really enjoyed the flashback, so to speak, scenes, and I think by having Regina remember them as opposed to showing them achieved a nice sense of reality.
This was a genuinely interesting prologue to what I am sure is going to be a gripping story, if there is any indication from your past writing. One mistake I caught-
"and they young girl he refused to leave"- they should be the.
Besides that typo, this was a joy to read. Great job, your Highness!
| thats-a-moray chapter 1 . 12/21/2012
It's been ages since I played Dino Crisis and I can't actually remember any of the characters, but this it was one of my favorite games as a kid. I'm not sure I ever made it very far into the game, though. As soon as I saw what canon you were writing for I wished I still had this game so I could dig it out and beat it. Anyway, onto the review.
This is a really intense introduction to Regina. You put a lot of emotion into her. It allllmost gets over the top at the end but over-all I think you pulled it off well. Given what she's been through - what she's seen - and the fact that she's quite drunk I can understand her wanting to scream. I'm not sure what to make of Jillian, though. From the way you introduced her it sounds like she might be a re-occurring character but after the way she leaves toward the middle of the chapter I'm not sure.
I noticed a few typos. " She had been hopeful, for the shortest moment that this was not Dylan and they young girl he refused to leave." 'They' should be 'the.' Also when Jillian speaks for the first time 'some' should be capitalized.
Overall, good work.
| Crow's Talon chapter 7 . 12/12/2012
So, Dr. Kirk does have a heart, despite what he said. I never imagined myself writing that. I'm still really enjoying this piece, and I enjoy the conflict between Regina, her superiors, and Kirk. I do hope that Regina gets Dylan back after everything she's been through. The SPAG is very good, as usual, and the dialogue continues to be crisp, realistic, and interesting to read. Still enjoying this piece, and I'm interested to see what happens next.
| Crow's Talon chapter 6 . 12/12/2012
Dr. Kirk still scares me - he can go between cool and calm to absolutely terrifying in the span of a paragraph. I can't blame Regina for not trusting him - neither would I. But it looks like they're going to team up to deal with the time-gate, and I hope Regina does get Dylan back. I'm inpressed by this plot and, in particular, how you wirite Kirk. Even though I don't know the fandom or who he is, it's clear that he's a very scary and dangerous man. I anticipate what happens next.
| Crow's Talon chapter 5 . 12/12/2012
Dr. Kirk is still seriously scaring me, and his interactions with Regina are always a highlight. That scene at the beginning was excellently done - this is turning out to be a real test of Regina's loyalty. Gail seems to be on to her - she's in a very unenviable situation, caught between her betrayed allies and that creepy Dr. Kirk. I do wonder how she can save Dylan and get out of this mess. Dialogue is excellent, and so is SPAG. Well done.
| Crow's Talon chapter 4 . 12/11/2012
Wow. Dr. Kirk is seriously creepy, and it's no wonder that Regina is so willing to help him. I'm not familiar with Dino Crisis, so I don't know what kind of research he does, but I can guess from the fact that he was in jail and his general creepiness that it isn't nice. Dialogue is working well, and I can sense Regina's frustration at relying on such a nasty person to help Dylan. I can't blame her for being wary around Kirk, either. I only saw one SPAG mistake:
"colliding with the Kirk's face" shouldn't have a "the" in it.
Other than that, good job.
| Crow's Talon chapter 3 . 12/10/2012
The confrontation between Elise and Regina was well done, and emphasized the difficult situation that Regina has found herself stuck in with Dr. Kirk. Once again, the dialogue is excellently done, and Dr. Kirk is seriously creepy character, especially at the end. You really got across how much her conscience is being tested by this, her determination to save Dylan, and how sinister Dr. Kirk is. Even behind bars, he seems to have power in other places.
| Crow's Talon chapter 2 . 12/10/2012
The dialogue in particular is engaging and very well done, and I like the varying relationships and interactions between Regina and the other characters. Although I'm unfamiliar with the canon, I can assume that Dr. Kirk is an antagonistic character in the fandom. It looks like Regina's caught in an unenviable situation, being made to help her enemy like that. I think the Hannibal Lecter comparison got that across quite nicely. I wonder if she'll be able to help Dylan through this.