|Reviews for Full Circle|
| super mario 675 chapter 2 . 12/12/2012
awe i love this so much this was so cute great story keep it up
| ME chapter 3 . 7/21/2012
Finish plz! Love it!
| Baby Kat Snophlake chapter 2 . 2/29/2012
Okay, so I managed to nitpick. I'm actually nitpicking both chapters because one isn't allowed to review twice:
“And as soon as it neared uncomfortable the wind would sense it and blow lightly over him, bringing it back to equilibrium.”
Sounds kinda awkward in hindsight.
“and looked around, breathing in the scent of the petals.” If you’re saying Tear is breathing the scent of petals, it’s awkward because this is from Luke’s pov. How can he tell exactly what her senses are picking up? Maybe she’s noticing the grass, or something else on the wind. For all Luke knows.
“"Shh..." She whispered, face giving him an encouraging smile but eyes... Sad.” I like what you're trying for, but I stumbled over it. Try: “Shh…” Her face gave him an encouraging smile but her eyes… sadness.” We already know she’s the one shh-ing him so we don’t need to know that she whispered when she says, “I know.” It’s implied. :)
“The question had an obvious answer but... He liked hearing her voice.” AWWWWW! 8D
“Tear stared at him. "You won't be cold?" She asked slowly, light tint rising in her cheeks.” Again, the “asked slowly” isn’t necessary. I like, “Tear stared at him with a light tint rising in her cheeks.” That leaves room for her speech and then his speech. Of course, that also means taking out “Luke shook his head unconvincingly.” I think removing that helps it flow better. If you feel you need it, put it after “nah” and break up the dialogue. Personally, I think too many beats inserted between dialogue is just as distracting as using some whacked out word to replace “said”. Remember that some actions are implied. Including that “he half joked”. We don’t need to be told. :)
“She let out a giggle in half amusement, half disbelief at his density.” As accurate as that description is, it’s from Tear’s pov. How does Luke know what her giggling means?
“He felt the heat rising in his face again and could feel the intensity of her eyes on him. She was facing him, waiting. Less than two inches away. He knew what he was supposed to do, what every fiber in his body wanted to do. All he had to do was turn his head and the girl he cared more about than anything else in the world would know how he felt about her. All he had to do was turn his head and she would know her feelings were reciprocated. All he had to do was turn his head... And destroy her entire hopes and dreams by this time tomorrow.
He closed his eyes, and fighting everything in his body telling him not to, turned his head.
I... I just can't do that to her... I care about her too damn much.
He opened his eyes, staring out over the ocean.” Oh I love the effect you put there! 8D
“"Shut up." She commanded, stealing his previously most used phrase as she removed his hands from her shoulders and pushing them to the blanket. "Shut up, Luke."” LOL
The only real criticism this time is that you are using so many speaker attributions and beats that interrupt the flow of the dialogue. We know Luke and Tear the only people in the scene so speaker attributions honestly are no longer necessary, so long as we can keep track of who's talking. I'm actually thinking of showing you something along these lines. I'll get that done for you today so you can see it. :) It'll be a treat for you.
On to chapter three! 8D
| RKF22 chapter 3 . 2/26/2012
greayt updatekeep up the great work
| RKF22 chapter 2 . 2/26/2012
loved the update u got their povs down nice romanic going on
| RKF22 chapter 1 . 2/26/2012
great start to the story going on
| fabrefan chapter 2 . 2/26/2012
Wow... this chapter made me fall in love with Luke/Tear pairing all over again. It was beautiful. I hope after this you continue to write more L/T. We need more of it. Update soon!
| J Liew chapter 3 . 2/26/2012
Can't wait to read what's next.
| J Liew chapter 2 . 2/26/2012
Arrrhhh! It's so fluffy, I'm gonna die! .
You keep your promises good, don't cha?
Great job with this chap! D
| J Liew chapter 1 . 2/24/2012
Yay! Another LxT! D
And a nice way to start one too!
Update soon! I wanna read more!
| Baby Kat Snophlake chapter 1 . 2/23/2012
OO! Sorry, I kinda fell into the story and umm... don't remember much of my thoughts, so I'll give you feelings instead. XD
I love the feelings Luke has. Calm. Tranquil. Sadness. Happiness. Regret. Love. Very complex mix and wonderful. You were in the zone. The only part that caught my attention was this:
"As simple as a notion as that was it took even an idiot seven years to get it." Millions of "as"s. I'd say something more like, "Such a simple notion and yet, it took even an idiot seven years to get it."
Also, I _loved_ this sentence: "But one thing he did know was how cruel it would be to say those words that yield so much promise ring hollow under the shadow of death."
I actually like this one more than the other one because this was a very restful, tranquil, happy yet not scene that really comes alive with the words you've chosen. It doesn't have to be any particular scene at all and you were able to focus more on how he felt than what was around him. But reading, I could feel the quiet come around myself and I really felt how he felt.
Very hard to find in fanfiction, and extremely tough to do, but you sir, pulled it off. :) * hugs * (Of course, there's always the possibility that lack of criticism comes from the inability to pull myself out of the emotion and focus on the words, but meh, I'll do that after the feelings wear off. XD)