|Reviews for True Darkness|
| Lewascan2 chapter 4 . 7/5/2013
Hello! This is really good aside from a few grammar errors. I found it really fun to read. I love how you do the battles. Seems much more realistic. :D Also, I'll be sending you my OC for your story.
| Firestorm Nauralagos chapter 4 . 11/16/2012
'Twas pretty good! :) Be careful with your tense switches; you changed back and forth between past and present tenses a few times, which makes it a little bit confusing.
Also, in that paragraph where you described the cafeteria, I thought it was very descriptive; in fact, almost TOO descriptive! I do that ALL the time. Try not to include too many unimportant details; make the descriptive paragraphs short and to the point, while still giving the readers and IDEA of what the scene looks like. See, there's the key word: idea. My main problem in writing is making sure that I don't over describe a scene. It gets a little bit boring to read endless amounts of description about one little scene, so don't give us every tiny detail.
Aside from those two little things, you did a pretty decent job with this chapter. Nice work! :)
I like the way this plot is going; you're starting to twist things in a direction that I don't believe I've ever seen before. :)
Keep up the good work, and good luck with future chapters! :)
P.S. I might submit an O.C.; Have you gotten any evil O.C.'s yet?
| Charmed Mistress chapter 4 . 11/16/2012
Update! Yes! :D
Very juicy chapter. Hm, whom may be the mysterious five? I will send an OC through PM a bit later. Thing is, will you find him/her acceptional?
| Guest chapter 2 . 9/13/2012
Awesome story so far cant wait too finish and for the next chapters.
| Kaizelle chapter 2 . 9/2/2012
AASAAAAA! Hamz is driving me CRAZY! I WILL CAST AN STORMLORD AND SCARE THE AMBROSE OUT OF HIM! ANYWAYS GOOD STORY XD :) continue!
| lanternheart chapter 3 . 6/9/2012
Chase Hunter is AWESOME. I love his personality. xD It reminds me of me.
Cyrus does have his terrible moments... a lot...
| lanternheart chapter 2 . 6/9/2012
Hamz is an ASS. -_-
Ouch. She's screwed.
| lanternheart chapter 1 . 6/9/2012
Epic, my wizard's name is Sophia! :D I don't see many Sophia's these days. :D
This story really should have OC's, although, Penny IS awesome. :D
| Firestorm Nauralagos chapter 3 . 5/29/2012
Not bad. Not bad at all. :)
You definitely need more description in your story. I'd say that's your weakest point. There are a few grammar mistakes here and there, but nothing too major. Also, when someone is thinking, italicize their thoughts to distinguish them from the rest of the story. Aside from those things, excellent job! Your characterization is coming along nicely and the length was perfect. :)
Just as a note, I remember you complimenting my description in "Deathquake." Thanks! :) Here's what I do to make my story descriptive: First, I open a blank Word document, and then I try to see the scene through my character's eyes. Not just seeing, though, I try and experience it like I'm standing right next to them. I type out everything I see, smell, hear etc, and then I use what I wrote to add description to a scene, picking out what I think is important. Also, I sometimes keep a dictionary nearby/a thesaurus website open so I can find "good words" to use. xD
Good luck with future chapters, and keep up the good work! :)
| Charmed Mistress chapter 3 . 5/27/2012
Very good. I really like your story so far. Heh, it would be funny to see a statue fall on Cyrus Drake. Well, peices of it did. But he got hurt. Haha! Jk.
Also, may I point out something? Instad of saying "shooting another glare to him", I think it's "shooting another glare at him". No spelling mistakes so far.
I'm keeping an eye on this story, hope to see more soon!
| Nick Cronwell-Vorpal chapter 2 . 4/22/2012
Interesting. Great job with characters and glad you included a Necromancer's primary dilemma: they think death is evil and bad.i love that you didnt do the typical fiction W101 story that she's somehow more powerful that other characters...real good job i hope to see more.
| SeverinadeStrango chapter 1 . 3/3/2012
This story seems very decent and hooking. Great job.
I myself am working on an "evilness that cannot be killed" story.
Looking forward to more,
| Firestorm Nauralagos chapter 1 . 2/25/2012
Hmm .. . it seems like you're rushing this a bit, and there isn't much description, although I'm curious about Sophia and why she can't master the spells. I'm pleased at how quickly you made her weakness known; a lot of the time, when I show the powers first, weaknesses second, my O.C. is flamed as a Mary-Sue. With a weakness like that, though, I don't think she is one. She's got an enemy and an ally, and her personality is showing a bit. Am I making any sense at all, or is this just rambling to you? o.0 Sorry. I'm a bit crazy . . .
Anyways, I hope this was at least vaguely helpful . . . if you have any questions on my ramblings, feel free to P.M. me. :D
Good luck with future chapters, and I will continue reading this. Hopefully, the next time I review, I will have consumed slightly less sugar . . . XD