|Reviews for Predators|
| Just a Crazy-Man chapter 6 . 4/8/2012
More please. :)
| Just a Crazy-Man chapter 5 . 4/2/2012
| Just a Crazy-Man chapter 3 . 4/2/2012
| Just a Crazy-Man chapter 2 . 4/2/2012
| Quirel chapter 4 . 3/23/2012
One minor typo: "days.n"
-It occurs to me that, if two large genetics corporations are headquartered in Sydney, perhaps the city is doing better than the second chapter seemed to indicate. Or perhaps it's just two corporations taking advantage of cheap real estate and tax incentives.
-I was a little confused as to how a shark could grant a critical edge in genetics research. I guess if ITO was the developer, and if the sharks are capable of mutating legs and lungs, that could yield some interesting applications.
-Well, good to see that Fellman is still alive. It seemed like a lot of characterization for a character who was going to die.
Can't wait for the next chapter.
| Quirel chapter 3 . 3/21/2012
How sad is it that I thought this was a fanfic for "Colonial Marines" until recently?
-Hmm... My estimate on the size of Unistrand has gone down, if Hill went from border patrol guard to CEO in about ten years.
-Since you were submitting this to a writing workshop, I think the following might be helpful. Often, you have redundant descriptions that retell what the reader has already inferred. Take the following:
"Not that the security guards she'd shot this morning had got a chance to actually see her face, considering that she'd been wearing a stealth suit at the time that covered her entire body."
In this case, "At the time" and possibly "that covered her entire body" could be omitted from the sentence. It's just something that happens which pulls me out of your (Usually very witty) narrative.
-Not too much to comment on, story-wise, since a lot of the chapter seems to be setting up the rest of the story.
| Quirel chapter 2 . 3/4/2012
Perth, huh? That little tidbit of information got me to look at a map for fun, for the first time in months. Thanks.
Somewhat embarrassed that I thought "Darwin" was in the Galapagos islands, but you learn something new every day.
-"the old geyser" should be "the old geezer", unless Taylor had been comparing Cower to a geological oddity.
To tell the truth, Cower is probably happy to hear slang that's as old as he is. ;)
-The prose gets problematic during the middle scene (Cower's viewpoint) because a lot of narrative is spent on describing why Sydney is a commercial ghost town, but little is spent on describing what it looks like. Could look like Los Angeles in Blade Runner, could look like Los Angeles a few weeks after the Rodney King riots.
Your decision, but it would be nice to see the scene set a little more.
-I had thought that the last section, particularly the shootout, suffered from the same problem. On the second read-through, I changed my opinion.
Overall, good chapter.
| Quirel chapter 1 . 3/1/2012
It would appear that I logged out while writing the review. Oops.