|Reviews for The Champion's Beginning|
| Sarah Kay Writer chapter 50 . 7/14/2015
I finished last night, but I was too tired to write a review.
I think this story was just plain excellent. Nothing really bothered me or stood out as horrible in the plot. I would have liked to see a little more of Cynthia's life after becoming champion. Maybe a visit to Oreburgh. I'm not sure if Oreburgh was really even mentioned in the end. I would've liked to see Byron after she kept her promise, and then how Esmeralda feels about everything. She lost her whole family since Ellena is dead, so was it worth it for her? But maybe Cynthia would just never be able to go back there again after everything.
Umm... Hmm... I said a lot in my HALF WAY THROUGH REVIEW! about how much I liked everything, so I don't need to repeat any of that because my opinion didn't change.
But I do have to say... Ember and Volkner equals Gale and Peeta! It's kind of... astounding that you innocently put so much Hunger Games-y stuff in here. Then again, love triangles are nothing new, and it is different because Cynthia didn't end up with either of them (even if she does like Volkner).
Aaaaand, well, I guess that's it. Oh! I knew the presence was Uxie/Mesprit/Azelf the whole time. Obviously. And I knew Giritina would be brought in eventually.
I liked that you kept Bibarel on her team for so long. And when she released him it was sad, but I liked that scene.
Okay, now I'm done. Great story! You'll see me sniffing around your other stuff in the next few days.
| Sarah Kay Writer chapter 25 . 7/12/2015
I was going to review this when I was done, but I've been at it for two days and I'm finally halfway through here, so I'll call this the HALF WAY THROUGH REVIEW.
Ahem. I'm not going to be a big time critic here, because I do not believe I'm rightfully qualified for that role. I'll try and remember the things I've been thinking so far though.
1. Even though you said this isn't based off The Hunger Games, it is ASTOUNDINGLY similar. Not so much in plot as it is in setting. And the fact that the main character doesn't want to lead a rebellion but gets roped into it anyway. I'll say no more, because I'm sure you are SICK TO DEATH of hearing this.
2. I like this story a whole fucking lot. It is beautiful. It is captivating. If there was a pokemon fanfic hall of fame, this would deserve to be in it. By far the best journey or gameverse fic I have read, so thank you, and very good job.
3. At some point Cynthia told someone she was 13 instead of 14. I don't remember what chapter it was in though, so this info is basically useless to you.
4. I am loving the characterization of Cynthia, as well as your OC's. I usually hate OC's, but not yours, because they don't suck like most people's.
5. Love what you did with Gible/Gabite. Excellent.
6. I like the "presence." Normally I roll my eyes at something like that, but you write it well so it is accepted and loved by me.
Well, I can't think of anything else at the moment. If I remember anything critical, I'll drop another review at some point, but otherwise you won't see me again until I finish it.
| RisingPhoenix54 chapter 13 . 5/13/2015
I happened across this story yesterday, and I'm really enjoying it thus far. Your characterization of the young Cynthia is spot on, and I always enjoy fics where major characters are given backstories. I just had one minor complaint about this chapter, and I know I'm nitpicking here, but one word made me laugh. Fantina says, "I am very excité for our battle." First of all, since a female is speaking, any adjectives used in the sentence should be in their feminine form - in this case, "excitée." Also, I don't know if you meant for Fantina to say this a certain way, but "excitée" doesn't usually translate to simply being excited; it often has sexual connotations. If that's what you meant, then by all means, ignore this, but if you're trying to express Fantina's excitement, then "enthousiaste" might be more appropriate.
Other than my inner French major rearing its ugly head, I'm really enjoying this!
| JoHo chapter 14 . 8/12/2014
I found this from your Volkner story, and I must say Im loving it. Here are some criticisms, though, as I feel I should put them out.
1: There are a few game to story inconsistencies(Hearthrome, really?). This isn't too big in my book, as I'm fine with enjoying this more of a story on its own, or just inspired by the games.
2: This was prevelant from Oreburgh to getting out of Jubilife, and again for the dinner a bit. This problem is simply some of this story is way too much like hunger games. First, I realized Oreburgh was like district 12(even mining). Then, I realized the Golden Citites were just the Capitol, especially the people. The interview is just the pre games show, Maxina and the other one were just katniss' makeup team, etc. for christ's sake, Cynthia's last name even begins with "Ever"! Still, this calmed down a lot in chapter 9, which was a chapter I just loved even though it was filler.
3: This is what inspired me to review, and it's not a problem with the actual story. Please, for the love of god, enough with the teasing author's notes. I'm here to read and enjoy the surprises, and it's a little ruined when I see, "Oh, by the way, there's a secret plot twist hidden here, but it's pretty obvious now, you must be stupid, stupid, if you don't know it by now. I gave it away in a sentence lol, bet you saw it and won't go pouring over the previous chapters for an hour until you have a headache and hate me! See you next chapter for more berating!"
4: Another minor thing, Cynthia seems to be akin to ash in type matchups. She's the future champion, why does she decide Psyduck against ghosts and bibarel against fighting? Granted, she's fairly new I suppose, I'm probably just an idiot.
Seeing how much I put into those criticisms, I won't even try to put my praises in here-you wouldn't be able to read it all. Keep up the good work in the Leaders Beginning, these problems don't seem to happen as much in it. Kthxbye
| Ace of Spies chapter 1 . 8/6/2014
...this is awesome! How did I not find this before?
| Ka-tay's mind chapter 50 . 6/9/2014
| Ka-tay's mind chapter 49 . 6/9/2014
Woah. Very very very interesting chapter.
| Ka-tay's mind chapter 48 . 6/9/2014
Why is she telling him all this...?
| Ka-tay's mind chapter 47 . 6/9/2014
Oh no no no
| Ka-tay's mind chapter 46 . 6/9/2014
| Ka-tay's mind chapter 45 . 6/9/2014
Wait, hold up. Could it be that LEA was the Loony guy?
| Ka-tay's mind chapter 44 . 6/9/2014
| Ka-tay's mind chapter 43 . 6/9/2014
It's nice to see Garchomp working together with her. I wonder what made Garchomp so stubborn in the beginning..?
| Ka-tay's mind chapter 42 . 6/9/2014
2 Pokemon down already...
| Ka-tay's mind chapter 41 . 6/9/2014
Here we go?