|Reviews for Stained|
| What Lies Beyond chapter 1 . 1/2
Your should continue this story. The intro's pretty good.
| Raptor Pilot chapter 1 . 11/21/2013
I like these kinds of stories. It leaves room for predictions about what happened and how it all strings together.
| Ryan chapter 1 . 9/14/2013
Please continue it
| Orangekirbyyoshi chapter 1 . 4/29/2013
I think it's cool.
| The Chuckinator chapter 1 . 9/11/2012
This is an interesting story. I look forward to reading more.
| Tsaukpaetra chapter 1 . 7/2/2012
Interesting start, but its not really long enough for a review...
Keep going! :)
| daniel22r chapter 1 . 6/28/2012
Short and sweet.
| BloodStarGeneral chapter 1 . 3/4/2012
Hi my name is Luke aka BloodStarGeneral and i just started writing fanfiction Here Is My Character
Appearance:Red hair with hints of black. Long pointy gray ears. Big blue eyes with red eyelids.2 red dots above his eyes. gray fur covering his red coat around neck (you know what i'm talking about) And a gray bushy tail.
Speech:Understands human speech but can no longer speek english (explained in summary)
Personality:A fun person to be to .Stubborn at certain times.
Summary:Luke's mother Mae Garrison was a mother of Kelsey an average 5 year old Lived in celedon city and things were going garrison a head scientist at silph co was one brought a zorua to the test on becuase it being a new species at the they were testing him they accidently got his DNA mixed with his while testing on night him and Mae did it and they found out she was preagnent with a beautiful baby boy.8 and a half months later she gave birth to a zorua had fur all over his chest a bushy tail and 2 odd red birthmarks above his Garrison was shoked by the outcome and tried everything in his power to make him fully human,but only made it could understand english but he couldn't make out the words all that came out was couldn't go outside becuase his father put him on lockdown,and refered to him as a Luke turned 14 he ran away from his family,and is being hunted down by his father so he can erase him from existance.
Hope you liked my entry :)
| Tanon chapter 1 . 3/3/2012
'the bushy tail would of not remained' You want 'would've' or 'would have', although the second option is better.
As for the chapter...well, it's interesting. I wouldn't describe blood as sweet, really (more salty, metallic?), but that wasn't what bugged me the most.
I think it was the longsword and breastplate. I assume this is being in set sometime before the period in the games? Even if it is, I don't even think that the breastplate would have evolved or reached widespread usage. Even so, you didn't give a strong enough indication of the time period, which then lead to the breastplate and longsword feeling out of place.
You could also use some italics to give us direct thought instead of telling us what the OC is thinking (I'm assuming zoroark)...it makes it seem more realistic.
So in summary...it wasn't that great a chapter, but I still want to see where this goes. Maybe a switch to third person might do you good.
| Slave of the Jester Race chapter 1 . 3/2/2012
Hmm. I'm curious to see how this turns out. I do trust the following chapters will be longer. I would have liked to have seen a bit more introspection on how the curse and consequences, but I suppose you could probably do that with the following chapters.
Also, welcome back Twilight.
| DraconicReclaimer chapter 1 . 3/2/2012
Nice story im interested. 1
| Nem chapter 1 . 3/2/2012
Sounds like a fun story, but try to stick to first or third person points of view instead of switching, or at least give warning when you do