|Reviews for Lady of the Wind|
| Sieben Nightwing chapter 1 . 4/24/2014
This is freaking awesome. More please! And soon preferably. This has me doing the evil laugh already, it can hardly be anything but good.
| kyoko minion chapter 1 . 9/18/2013
if her mother is a kunoichi does that mean she's going to trained in this repost...at least up to genin level at least?
| Audemed chapter 1 . 3/5/2013
Well hello there! From a first glance I can tell that the plot and premise is solid, so I don't think you need any help with those- as such, I'll post the grammatical mistakes I find as I read followed by my suggestions. For the most part Gaara seems in-character, and I liked Shukaku's snide comments as well though they border on slightly OOC- however since you have stated that this is an AU there are bound to be some changes so it's not anything to worry about.
[no wish for another conflict – a civil one to that.]- should be a civil one at that.
[– concealed or displayed –]- you would be better off omitting this phrase, it sounds a bit redundant.
[and probably never saw a blood in any form but a black pudding]- and probably had never seen blood.
[He would face a Bijuu on a rampage or a resurrected madman hell-bent on destroying the-world-as-all-knew-it any day, rather than be forced to sit in one room with them.]- the 'rather' should be placed in front of the first line ie the corrected line would be something like: [He would rather face a Bijuu on a rampage or a resurrected madman hell-bent on destroying the-world-as-all-knew-it any day, than be forced to sit in one room with them.]
[And that was one murky pond of goo Gaara avoided purposefully all his life.]- consider adding 'had' before Gaara so as to avoid awkward tense shifting.
[Unfortunately he would have to change his attitude, it seemed.]- consider changing this to something like 'Unfortunately, it seemed that he would have to change his attitude.'
[The sit at the head of the table]- I'm assuming sit is a typo: it should be seat.
[But Gaara knew this man retained position of second most powerful]- should be retained 'the' position of second most powerful
[On Prime Minister's left decidedly less eye-catching figure was seated: Chancellor Nakamura, man trusted with handling most private businesses of the daimyo]- correct this to: [On Prime Minister's left a decidedly less eye-catching figure was seated: Chancellor Nakamura, a man trusted with handling most private businesses of the daimyo]
[If he hadn't knew better]- if he hadn't known any better
[Last person facing Gaara was Akihito]-should be 'The' last person facing Gaara was Akihito.
[Or what was a purpose of bringing Gaara himself, for that matter.]- 'a' should be 'the' instead.
[ even if moments ago red-headed man hasn't thought it possible.]- should be [even if moments ago the red-headed man hadn't thought it possible.]
[– too brief for Gaara's tastes –]- consider omitting this phrase, it breaks the flow of the sentence.
[Their 'reunion' after – too brief for Gaara's tastes – parting, was nowhere nearly a happy one but Kazekage had to admit that extraction of a Bijuu left some hole in him, which wasn't filled up until Shukaku has been sealed inside him again. He supposed it was similar to missing a limb that you had from the moment of birth and then you lost it abruptly. Things has changed between them with this second sealing – most prominent difference being that now there was something, what could be named as 'things'. But in moments like this Gaara actually looked back with a nostalgia to the times, when Shukaku was only a carnage-driven beast that wanted to wreak havoc on the world, not snooping on his business and developing a ratty sense of humor.]- okay, a lot of tense shifting in this paragraph: I'd urge you to reread it and replace every 'has' by 'had' and change the sentences accordingly.
[he did absolutely nothing about this taunts]- should be 'these' taunts.
[The letter said Wind daimyo sustained a gravely wound]- the Wind Daimyo 'had' sustained a 'grave' wound.
[thorn the entire world]- a typo, thorn should be torn.
[ ulterior motifs behind this arrangement]- ulterior 'motives'.
[Allied Forces and have held an office]- have should be had and an should be the.
[So the marriage with a daughter of old and half-sister of new daimyo]- while it was clear to me that you meant the daughter of the old daimyo and half-sister of the new daimyo it might not be that way to someone else- consider revising this.
["I'm positive, that lord Kazekage would approve of this arrangements"]- the comma wasn't necessary.
WELL now that we're done with that I can say that the places you need to work on are: correct placement of articles (a, an, the) and correct use of had and has- these problems are common with people wh odn't have English as their native language (myself included). I can tell you have a good grasp over your language and as such the above areas should be easily fixed with some practice.
The typos were minor and as such were largely ignorable- however the incorrect usage of had and has in particular jarred me a lot and as such prevented me from enjoying a great story. Consider fixing the prologue before posting any more chapters as the prologue or the introductory chapter needs to give a good impression to the readers.
I apologize if the tone of my review comes off as harsh- rest assured that if it did, it was not intended- all of this was just to help you.
I'll review other chapters as they come along (provided I have the time, ofc!)
| krakonfive chapter 1 . 3/4/2013
And the document is signed. Look good. Overall view of what is happening and Gaara's feelings on the matter. Shukaku seems... tamed in his comments. The Kankuro quid made me laugh though.
Looking forward to the rest.
| Plopp chapter 1 . 3/2/2013
Hi! I'm a little confused right now, have you decided to rewrite the whole story? I got a little surprised when I saw it was only one chapter :/
| nakcabttak chapter 5 . 1/5/2013
hey! I have one simply question for you; where is the next chapter?! I'm not angry at you or anything, but it's just that i can't wait! I love your story and i don't want it to end this way. Please just give me a really lovely moment between them before you quit this story, ONEGAII!
love your writing
| kyoko minion chapter 5 . 11/23/2012
| nakcabttak chapter 5 . 11/16/2012
hey what happend?! i have been waiting for the next chapter for a really long time now, i want more love !
i love your story this far and i want dont want it to be one of this stories that just abdruptly ends. Please please please give us one more at least, one with a little more romance and intimity!
| nakcabttak chapter 1 . 11/6/2012
NOOO! I want more! i have waited for so long for the next chapter and I cant wait any longer without it! Your story is great, your OC is good too and i want to know what will happen. Love you and your work! *
| nakcabttak chapter 5 . 10/18/2012
Please! I cant wait any longer for the next chapter, i start to think that you maby have died or something! I love the story and love how you make the characters in it. Im one of your biggest fans and supports you to the fullest. I will sent you a kiss if you write the next chapter to all of your fans! (Y)
| BeInfinitexx chapter 5 . 5/18/2012
I love your story!It's not head on but they gradually start to like each other i like that soo much! Keep writing when you have time:)
| ZSG chapter 5 . 5/6/2012
You my friend are very lucky. Why you ask? Because I only read until the 5th chapter to see if I should give feedback (though there are various exceptions). Firstly, the beginning wasn't perfect but it was well done. Secondly, I realize that the characters are older now but how old are they 75 and up? They talk like old men (even the woman) sure there are some moments where it's necessary (such as when adressing superiors) try and loosing up a bit. Thirdly, I feel Kankuro is way out-of-character (like WAY OOC) his attitude leans more towards arrogance and sarcasm yet loyal and aware of others. Fourth, DON'T MESS THIS UP! I mean it. A lot have increadible plots and then add an uneccesary element to it and it makes you want to stop reading. Fifth, try reading the manga and watching the anime, sometimes small details give you A LOT of inspiration (trust me on this one I have five ideas stories by watching two or three episodes or a line I read in the manga)Six, and last, watch out for grammar I've spotted a few missing "and", "a" and ",".
Also I don't add stories to favorites until the ending then I re-read the story. Just thought you'd know for some reason.
| KyraReid chapter 5 . 5/3/2012
i love this, i can't wait until the next update :)
| KyraReid chapter 1 . 5/2/2012
wow, this is really good (even though i only got to the first chapter so far), like really good, i didn't even relise you aren't a native english speaker until i read the author's notes. You're better at writing in english than a lot of english people are.
| fleurdelislady chapter 5 . 4/16/2012
I really like this. Sayuri is really interesting and believable. I can't wait to read more. Gaara is one of my favorite characters and I think you portray him really well, too.