|Reviews for Stork Club oh this is Awkward|
| Padfootkicksbutt chapter 5 . 11/3/2012
i just love the way this story plays out! and the whole idea of tony being peggy's son ;P
| MarthaD chapter 4 . 4/23/2012
"Now, Tony, son of Howard, and Steven of America, step forward."
lol i love this line for some reason. i just think its cute how he talks)
| MarthaD chapter 3 . 4/23/2012
"Your like 50 years old!"
nah, he's 50;) lol
| MarthaD chapter 5 . 4/23/2012
You read my mind! I was wondering what happened to Howard Stark and Peggy after Captain America was frozen! I thought since they were somewhat dating in the past maybe they got married and Stark is their grandchild or something. Thats what I'm predicting might happen in the Avengers of course along with all the cool action and hilarious smart ass remarks of Tony Stark)
| StarkObsessed chapter 5 . 4/22/2012
Aw! Steve is now in debt to Tony. Pepper probably could have killed him. She seems like the type to have an insane skill set that no one knows about... :)
| The Red Fedora chapter 4 . 4/16/2012
Lol. Oh that was fantastic. Particularly the argument in chapter3. Looking forward to more
| ARAGORN0713 chapter 4 . 4/5/2012
First, the positive: You had a much better narrative this chapter; it flowed more smoothly and was easier to follow.
Most of the characters were good. Thor's perspective and conversation was spot on. I could totally see him saying/thinking all the things you had him say/think. Direct Fury was also in character. And of course Coulson (not Coleson) bet on Steve; he's a Captain America fanboy (even if he won't admit it.) ;)
I did notice a couple of things. One: a change in perspective. "He vaguely heard Thor shouting to 'Hold' and all the other agents shouting encouragement." This is from Steve's perspective. So far, the whole chapter had been told from Thor's perspective. If you're going to change perspectives, make a new paragraph and try to make it obvious that now Steve is narrating.
You also changed tense a couple times. For example, "Agent Romanov was escorting Thor to the gym." This would be better as "Agent Romanov escorted Thor to the gym."
Watch the punctuation and capitalization. Maybe you can get a Betta or someone who knows the English language well to help you. I know this seems like a minor thing, but it really jerks you out of a story when it's incorrect.
Finally, Natasha seemed OOC. She is usually very tough, I'm-not-going-to-take-any-nonsense-from-you kind of person. You very rarely see her soft side. So unless you are trying to do Thor/Natasha (which I would highly discourage) make Natasha less congenial.
I know, it's a lot of critique. But do know that I like the story and am looking forward to see where this is going! :)
| ARAGORN0713 chapter 3 . 4/5/2012
Your best chapter yet, definitely! I loved the banter between Tony and Steve, especially when they compared their super powers!
As for critique, there was some misspellings and lack of punctuation marks.
Also, watch Steve's language. Make sure it sounds old-fashioned, or at least has no modern slang in it, because Steve doesn't know any modern slang having been asleep seventy years.
It's an interesting story, and I can't wait to see what happens next.
| ARAGORN0713 chapter 2 . 4/5/2012
Hmmm. I like where you're going with this, but I would make Tony more funny, because that's just his personality. Steve was pretty good, though.
The conversation could use a little work. It sounds somewhat stiff, not as natural.
Other than that, keep up the good work. I'm enjoying this so far! :)
| ARAGORN0713 chapter 1 . 4/5/2012
Interesting idea. I actually think that Peggy would move on. She probably was upset for a while after Steve "died", but she is a strong woman who isn't dependent on one man. Would she marry Howard Stark? Probably not. But for the sake of this story, it works.
| Redlioness62 chapter 1 . 3/13/2012
Okay, this is an interesting take on what could have happened. But Tony Stark's mother was Maria, who was about 15years Howard junior, and Italian. Plus if your are basing this on the movie, Peggy was never interested in Howard. If anything she would have married someone else.
| StarkObsessed chapter 4 . 3/12/2012
Holy hell! Dislocated shoulders suck! Forver to heal from. I loved this! :)
| Spockologist chapter 3 . 3/6/2012
I must admit, I am fascinated by the idea of Howard marrying Peggy. Love the already uptight energy between Tony and Steve. Looking forward to more!