Reviews for TCOT Squirming Secretary
Guest chapter 1 . 3/20
enjoyed that.
Nora Burnham chapter 1 . 12/28/2015
Wellllll...that woke me up! LOL! And she kept the heels on...very nice touch ;)

Enjoyed it!
murphycat chapter 1 . 6/1/2013
Lol! Love it.
Guest chapter 1 . 2/5/2013
HAHA! I love this! Just marvelous ... And itchy!
Salysha chapter 1 . 8/28/2012
Fine, I confess. I clicked this story because I couldn't resist the summary. Conundrums! I'll read about Teletubbies if conundrums are involved. (Preferably high-brow.)

I think I'm repeating what I said in a review to you months ago. Sexy vocabulary, descriptive word choices. I liked "focus drained away", "nakedly sensual" (anything described like that is bound to be). I liked "A hint of wickedness lit up his eyes." Overall, this is a very readable piece, so please don't take the following notions to heart.

* * *

Slight redundancy in the narrative. There is room for weeding for a more effective delivery. For instance, with "pulling to extract it from her fingers," pick either pull or extract. No need for both. Similarly, "pulled away from her hand" could be just "left." I would advise against "pull" because you used it in the previous paragraph. Just "bookish" is enough instead of "bookish-looking" unless you'd like to imply that the man looks that way but really isn't. Jackson's a straight-laced one, so I don't think that's the case.

Similarly, watch out for preposition constructions and phrasal verbs; the fewer words you can use to express a meaning, the better. I have this impression that you use prepositions (on, in, up, out) a lot, and I would consider, on occasion, an alternative phrasing to eliminate them. The delivery of the story is very readable and easy, although I might offer using the present participle (-ing) a little less; it risks making the narrative heavy.

Spell out as little as possible. For instance, consider "His searching fingers found the zipper at the back of her skirt. The garment slipped to the floor" over "His searching fingers found the zipper at the back of her skirt, opening it so the garment slipped to the floor." Consider "He reached out, taking her hand" over "He reached for her, taking her hand in his." The meaning is exactly the same, but the phrase is concise and doesn't repeat personal pronouns. In "He slid the key into the lock and turned it in one swift motion, so that Della barely had to break stride before they were inside, the door closed behind them," is "they were inside" really necessary?" In "Perry escorted his secretary inside and up to his apartment," I see that you are being very thorough and admirably avoid plot holes, but would the meaning really change if you left out "inside and up"? Does it really matter where the floor indicator is? If you really want, just say above or leave out a detail that doesn't advance the plot. I'm referring to this: "He sounded preoccupied and kept his gaze fixed on the floor indicator above the doors."

This is truly food for thought, so take this with a grain of salt. I'll just poke the mind for expansion, okay? For American English, toward is highly preferable over towards. It's - its confusion; you might want to fix "its occupant" to the correct one.

I was bristling a little at the content on a T rating. I wasn't quite expecting this, but I'll let it slide. I wouldn't go without consideration for M, though.

* * *

Skipping mechanics for a while, I considered the content. I like the mood Mason's in; it comes across as - how should I say? - haunted. Possessed, distracted. I think that's befitting his character, which is always alert and focused, and I liked the way it was portrayed. The Paul interlude was nice; I did get the feeling he got the message about being a third wheel, and that was not spelled out. Very nicely done!

Della- she was sassy. What was that fear comment? "You don't scare me." Major like on that one! The detail about keeping the high heels was sex. The only qualm I'd have this portrayal - and it's a big one - I hope they're married, in secret at least, and the "Miss Street" is just roleplay. The marriage thing is such a huge thing in the books, a major preventor to anything to warm feelings and lightly grazed lips between Mason and Della, that an affair just would go against my very fundamental understanding about what drives these characters. The books talk over and over about this marriage thing, as Mason suggests it and Della rejects it because she'd have to stay home after that, and anyone even recently in the loop just grinds teeth at a conversation like that. Very what the- by modern standards, but it was the lay of the time. Thus, a casual one-off? ...No. After the ring is on, it's free game.

One suggestion, though: I noticed none of your stories have character tags. Maybe edit story properties as a service to readers?

The review turned out to be a critical one, but it isn't meant as a chewing off. When there's talent and knowledge, the sky is the limit, and the fine-tuning is so trifle I already see you soar.
Michelle285 chapter 1 . 3/19/2012
I'm a bit late with the review, but this made me so very happy! It was very good...loved Paul and the beginning with him. Of course I loved the middle...so veryyyy steamy...and the end with Jackson was just too funny. It made me laugh out loud when Perry dropped his coffee and how nonchalant Della was about it all. Fantastic! :)
E. Wallace chapter 1 . 3/5/2012
Love the glove, the shoes, the necktie. {fans self}

Glad Paul picked up on the hint to find his own entertainment for the evening.

"Not enough tequila in Mexico..." Perfect!
razraz chapter 1 . 3/3/2012
nice one Hemingway! All of that smut and my favourite bit is still Perry breaking his glass when overhearing Della talking to Jackson. Superbly naughty stuff - hope there i smuch more where that came from raz
GratefullyDead chapter 1 . 3/3/2012
Take that Thackery! The gaunlet has been thrown, Bronte! Read it and weep Hardy. Captain Weirdo: literary genius!

Another fine romance of Perry and Della!
Ayjah chapter 1 . 3/2/2012
lol brilliant!
Shakayla chapter 1 . 3/2/2012
You are SUCH a tease! LOL

I enjoyed the beginning part...well right up to the point where you stopped *sigh*

Looking forward to more of the story and the case!
TB's LMC chapter 1 . 3/2/2012
Oooo, I was so excited to see another one from you. This was SEXY! I loved it! Well done as always, and don't stop. Squirming Secretary indeed. Sneezing Secretary, too! ;-)
GraceBe chapter 1 . 3/2/2012
Jackson and allergies... nice touch! LOL Really liked this one! It's so light hearted and funny.
tengland2 chapter 1 . 3/2/2012
Thanks for the smile. Nice touch getting rid of Paul, dinner or no dinner. Allergies umm, certainly not telling Jackson, anything.
kaleen1212 chapter 1 . 3/1/2012
Very sexy! You could just feel the steam coming off those two. Glad to see you writing again
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