Reviews for phinbella: a surpise
HaterGirl8 chapter 1 . 6/8/2014
I hate it hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate it
hope chapter 2 . 3/11/2012
i love you so much... from hope...
Guest chapter 2 . 3/11/2012
i love you so much... from hope.
IzzieGS chapter 4 . 3/8/2012
I like Phinabella. This story is good, just the format. The ending was a bit rushed, but who cares? Anywho I liked this story.
IzzieGS chapter 1 . 3/5/2012
OK. They are fighting. SCREAMING! Ok you still need to change the format and use quotation marks. Other than that, the story is AWESOME!
IzzieGS chapter 3 . 3/3/2012
I like the first way best. Phineas won't believe her. Big fight. That one.
PhishesBeCrazy chapter 1 . 3/3/2012
wow you REALLY could use a beta reader and please don't write in script other wise its pretty good
Little Apricot chapter 2 . 3/3/2012
Uh... You need to add quotation marks and spaces between who speaks and also spelling ! Other than that I'll read on :)
Shadow Silverpen chapter 2 . 3/2/2012
Just saying, the whole format of writing the story, could be better. develop the plot more, it can get good :)
Gyaradosmaster chapter 1 . 3/2/2012
Umm...I really don't know where to start this review..

Well I guess...remember that this is constructive advice and not a flame.

Okay...as the first reviewer said, you need to space the sentences out more.

Instead of ''isabella: hey phineas i got to go to the fireside girls camp i'llbe back next week phineas: ok see ya.

Use: ''Hey Phineas I got to go the Fireside Girls camp. I'll be back next week.'' Isabella said.

''Ok, see ya.'' Phineas replied.

It will make the sentences easier to understand. Also remember to always use capitals when starting sentence and when using a name...

I also noticed couple typos...

Carat instead of karrot

Danville instead of danvill

He's instead of hes

Also I'm pretty sure it has to be Elizabeth instead of elzabeth...

Also it helps if you describe a little more. It will give readers a clearer image of the surroundings and story.

One last thing is that I don't recommend using the next chapter/part when I get X amount of reviews thing...It's better just to update immediately after you wrote the next chapter instead of waiting for a set amount of reviews.

That's probably all...remember that I'm just trying to help you and if you do the said improvements mentioned above your work will look better and it will be easier to understand.

That's all then!
CobaltComet chapter 1 . 3/2/2012
its ok but you need to space senatances out