|Reviews for So Far Away|
| swag chapter 44 . 1/30
While comparing your earlier chapters, I do think there is some improvement with the grammar and spelling, but there isn't much. Re-reading your work before you post is always a good idea. I'm sorry to hear about your college situation, but on the bright side, this is the dark bit before the dawn - also, if you go to the right community college and get good enough grades, you can still transfer into a great university that has the classes you want. Two years of university is much less expensive than four years, am I right?
Also, this is the ff user tranland, I used to leave reviews for your fic and then I stopped. Sorry about that. I'm in the middle of my senior year too.
Anyways, I hope things get better for you. You seem like a nice person.
| tranland chapter 36 . 5/29/2013
I hate to make this sound like a breakup, but that's kind of what this is. I've tried to offer helpful advice, and really I want to be as nice as possible because just in case you didn't know already - the internet is full of dicks! And I try so hard not to be one of them!
I am so sorry though, because my personal life is too important right now. I can't spend time on a helping a pet project of mine out anymore. In honestly sorry. Good bye, girl who's name I am assuming is Emma. I hope you find an editor who really loves your work as much as you do.
| tranland chapter 34 . 5/24/2013
Sorry for the wait on this review! Like you, I have a ton of finals to study for. Also, Hannibal was on and that show is fucking great.
I feel bad after that A/N you put at the top. Sorry if I seem pushy, I'm just kind of an asshole a lot of the time. :/
*cracks knuckles* Okay. What are some positives about this chapter?
One was that I honestly had no clue Dracula was coming. I always considered him to be a silly frou-frou villain, just written in for kicks, but I'm looking forward to a genuinely devious villain from your perspective!
Alright, let's get to some editing. The fact that this chapter is in Spike's POV is a bit of a play on the audience - even though we see Spike's version of it, it doesn't come from him, specifically. It's still in Erika's first person objective point of view, so we only get her thoughts on it. idk, I just miss Spike's voice. Both the hot English accent and the way he talked.
One nitpicky thing for me is that "sacredly" isn't actually a word. You could use "with reverence", or "with religious devotion", but not "sacredly". It interrupts the flow.
Also, it's no problem about the spelling thing! (Wow let's change the subject!) I mean, I used to suck at spelling, too. Then I started to write, and boy did I write, and now I like to think I'm pretty good with writing. The problem you have is that you don't go back and check your work to catch really silly errors. Honestly, I'll offer myself up as a beta for you if you don't want to! I mean, it would be to stop errors like spelling "cpould" instead of "could" and "ace" instead of "face".
This review is so fucking long and I really should be studying for my English final. Alright, I'll stop typing.
Good luck with finals!
| tranland chapter 33 . 5/23/2013
Surprise! Me again.
Poor Spike. Still, it's always good to put characters through the meat grinder, especially if they're well-loved.
Well, I'm not sure how you feel about Spike. It's kind of hard to tell in your writing. But I, personally, love him. He's just so sassy.
I do just want to tell you - man, you have to spell "stake" correctly. I mean, I would think this is a troll, but...? You hardly ever try to make your writing better, and you completely ignore any time I try to talk to you. So... yeah.
I'm gonna guess... the big bad is going to be... um. That priest guy from s7? The First? Um, I have no idea.
| tranland chapter 32 . 5/22/2013
So let's start off positively this time: you're doing a great job with suspense! I don't have a clue who it could be, but then again I'm crap at foreshadowing and stuff like that. :/
Also, you are getting better at spelling and grammar, and that's usually my number one peeve, so hurray!
Now let's get down and dirty: your details could use a little more... detail. "'Over here!' I replied from somewhere." sounds awkward and like you didn't put much effort into your writing. If she's a shadow, why not say she's hiding within the shadow of the lockers?
Also, adding A/N's inside your writing is a little awkward and really breaks from the flow of the fic. Try to keep the A/N's to either before or after you chapter, okay? You can describe the vengeance demon in a multitude of ways that don't use Author's Notes.
That's all! See you next time!
Sorry it took so long to respond to this chapter, though. Finals has been harsh, and a few fics of mine (I write?! OMG, mind blown) are in desperate need of updating, lol.
| tranland chapter 31 . 5/17/2013
Heya! I think my main point here is just to please, please re-read your work and fix silly errors.
For example (I'm on my phone right now do I can't show you everything), at one point you seem to be pressing keys on the keyboard at the end of some dialogue. Another time is when "Giles replies to something, you don't write the words correctly. replied Giles aw hw wiped his glasses."
Simple errors such as these can easily be fixed with a simple re-read your work, and say it aloud as you read it!
I am excited to see who this new villain, though! Is it... Angelus? Faith? SO MANY OPTIONS.
| tranland chapter 30 . 5/12/2013
Hiya there! It's been a century and a half, ain't it? Nice to see you're doing okay. Ish. Yeah. Being grounded sucks, from one teen to another.
I think you could definitely try and find some other words for 'addicting', because although repetitive language does have a poetic element to it, this is not Charles Dickens and addictive isn't really that poetic of a word. Try ! It's great. I've used it a billion times. Also, the name of this chapter - very witty. I like.
And your dialogue is getting much better, too!
(right - this is byrneshadow, by the way. I changed my pen name because Supernatural, lol).
| tranland chapter 28 . 2/4/2013
Okey dokey I have a fandom question here: you had Erika mention "Castiel by your second star"
Castiel? That's the cutest angel in the garrison from Supernatural. Did you get that name from there or no?
Other than that, it is a nice cliffhanger.
Still - stakes are the wooden objects used to kill vampires. Steaks are cuts of beef that are used for cooking and eating. That is all.
| tranland chapter 24 . 12/3/2012
Hey, not to sound rude, but would you like someone to beta your work? At this point, I'm just concerned with the grammar. You don't have to, I'm just offering it if you want. I'm kind of a grammar-nazi, if it wasn't obvious.
Good luck with writing this!
| tranland chapter 18 . 8/24/2012
Hey. I just read another review, and... wow. Talk about ass.
I'm sorry people are treating you/your story like crap. It really isn't. It just needs some love and care. Like a flower or something. I think. My brain is kind of fried at the moment.
But yeah, I hope you at least listen to my previous reviews. I'm sorry if I sound like an ass, too.
| m chapter 17 . 8/9/2012
Isn't this EXACTLY what happened when your Mary Sue was looking for Oshiri (which, I'd like to point out, translates to buttocks,) a few chapters ago when she was looking for him the first time? (i.e. she traces some power Asscheeks is using with a magic spell, which creates a glowing thingy for her to follow, which will lead her to him.) Can't you think of any original ideas? Also, no one cares that you don't have spellcheck, you're misspelling INSANELY easy words. Finally, your characters are still incredibly shallow and out of character, and they, along with the entire "plot," if you can call it that, seem to exist to give your Mary Sue something to react to. Learn to write.
| tranland chapter 16 . 8/6/2012
I'm not a troll. I swear. And neither are you, obviously.
But please, all I ask is to go back and proofread, okay? It doesn't take too long and your work would be hella sick.
Meaning cool. I'm a teen, I use those words.
But really, I know you don't want to do it (hell, I hardly do it and when I do my work is so much better than before ugh) but it really helps.
| Jeldaly chapter 1 . 8/1/2012
Please be a troll please be a troll please be a troll.
| tranland chapter 14 . 7/28/2012
Hello! It's me again. I really hope you don't take this as hate. I honestly want to help with this story. Giving advice kind of helps me, too.
So I have two requests. You don't have to do them, but I do wish you would at least consider them before ignoring me again...!
One - please, try and add quality grammar. Instead of "Me and Warren", it should be "Warren and I". If you are describing more than one person, it is correct grammar and proper ettequite.
Two - even if you don't have spell check, you make so many simple errors in your writing that could easily have been prevented if you went back and really read what you wrote.
But for the love of Buffy, please use the correct spelling for "stake"! I literally though you meant she gave Warren some kind of raw, uncooked steak! This confuses the reader and doesn't he the point across easily... please consider this...!
| tranland chapter 12 . 7/14/2012
Okay, I tried to enjoy this story, I really have, but... I feel like you could do a lot better. You ignore all characterization for the Scoobies (and Amy), the formatting of your sentence is a bit off, and you don't really describe anything other that Erika's outfits. You added a completely random bit in a previous chapter, where Erika and Buffy went on patrol and Spike was there. If this is an AU, what is his story? How did he get that chip? Where is Angel, by the way? I mean I hate his character on BtVS, but there could be some explanation for where he is. Or, at least, why the heck Spike is just being a creeper in the cemetery.
No offense, but he really isn't as creepy as you made him seem in that scene. Agh I'm treating this like a screenplay I'm sorry
But I do think you could still work a lot on the dialogue, at least. Here's a tip - next time you're out and about, in public or hanging with friends or something, really listen to the way they talk. Not a lot of people say "I shall do this thing, blah blah", and everyone uses contractions, whether they're real words or not. If you don't want to do that, maybe read a few screenplays to get the feel of how to write dialogue. Like they say, the more you read, the more you understand writing. If you want, I can keep trying to give constructive criticsicm (which I hope you take this as, for I am in no way trying to flame you, I promise), and follow this story. Thank you, and good luck!