|Reviews for A Heart in Hell: The Labrum Needle|
| Guest chapter 14 . 12/1/2014
Was this ever finished ? Really enjoyed it. I'm assuming there's more to it than the chapters here ?
| Biancamella chapter 2 . 11/24/2014
You captured Valas' calculating and pragmatic nature very well. It's interesting to see his character having foreign emotions forced on it, especially emotions that make him act contrary to his character. Poor Valas. He's another favorite of mine.
The details about Kimmuriel were chilling. I loved it. I would certainly like more detail about these experiments/tortures at some point, should you be able to find a place for that.
Lastly, I'd like to mention that Laenaia seems very intelligent for her age. I think that it's interesting and that it makes sense for her to be more developed than other children given her situation, but I would caution you about letting her wander too far away from childlike thoughts or behavior lest readers lose some of the intense sympathy that's often felt for suffering children.
| Biancamella chapter 1 . 11/24/2014
I adore your presentation of Kimmuriel. He's always been a character that I wish the authors would explore more in the Forgotten Realms books, namely because of my fascination with psionics. Kimmuriel's apathy and incredible amount of control make him a terribly frightening character, and you've portrayed those traits spot-on here. The way that you describe the experience of feeling psionic energy is interesting and almost gave me a headache, too. I look forward to reading more about Laenaia and her interactions with the drow, as well as the descriptions of psionic energy and development.
| Guest chapter 13 . 7/6/2012
I preferred the old system of the nice blue button, it logs me out when im just another chapter. Ok 1st sentence: freight should be fright or u could sub a good word terror.
can improve on the last sentence- Kimmuriel's eyes locked on the child sternly and nodded his head in return. In the next instant he was gone (i think his stare would be fierce?)
| Guest chapter 12 . 7/6/2012
Quite a good voice for this journal chapter, may i know if she is really writing on her book or is it just in her head? K would laugh wickedly if he got hold of this eh?
| Reinamarie chapter 5 . 6/21/2012
The one time he ever felt pure euphoric excitement was at the site of his house (it should be spelled as 'sight')
this is quite a long continuous chunk: Then one day he simply snapped, he had been pushed too far by his oldest sister, suffering a terribly devastating mental break.' Will be easier to process if you have a fullstop somewhere or a dash. eg: One day he simply snapped, suffering a devastating mental breakdown. He had been pushed too far by his older sister. terribly is the same as devastating.
Are these thoughts? (iLook at those hideous eyes on that child. She looks sick with some disease that the drow must) I'm not clear on that.
Other than these confusing bits, I found it quite an interesting experience being absorbed in this world. :) Oh yea to ans yr qn, hehe yes i write a lot. I was only on one nuada fic but sudd there's influx of ideas and an explosion of my mind! I didn't like some endings so i began thinking of how i cld make/ morph it all better.
| Reinamarie Seregon chapter 4 . 6/20/2012
hello here i am, i've bookmarked to read more later. it's me diresphinx. Oh i like Jar. and Valas sounds like a cool guy tho i dunno who he is. Positive point first, I think yr descriptions are nice. I can picture them and the scenery backdrops.
some grammar errors
for this line: 'Is that okay with you Lanie?" Jarlaxled' (his name is with an extra d)
'few were just black and they too, where beautiful (do you mean were?)
Kimmuriel has been very guarded over the affairs of Bregan D'aerthe as of lately." explained Valas. (guarded about will be a better word)
'her own blood as the drow psion shook her back to consciousness' (drow poison?)
I'm so glad Valas didn't die! :)) Phew. Yup i will come back for more. hehe
| Laenaia Manaallin chapter 2 . 6/18/2012
SHE IS A DEEP IMASKARI...a creature of the Underdark. SHE CAN SEE IN THE DARK
| Yulandia chapter 16 . 6/9/2012
Oooo that was an interesting twist. I liked the dream. And now she met someone... My guess is that as innocent as he is, he's still a part of the big plan. Seems they plan every little detail. I'll be interested on seeing how it all unfolds. ;)
| Yulandia chapter 15 . 6/3/2012
wow this is a very captivating story. I love to read about Kimmuriel. Psions are so interesting and different from everyone else. They truly have that other element that makes them harder to grasp, understand and know. I love how it's been revealed that he is part of a plan that was concocted a long time ago and that said plan ioncludes all the players in the story so far. Truly the ilithids are formidable forces. Please keep it coming.
| I Suck at UserNames chapter 14 . 4/17/2012
Kimmuriel is awesome and your oc psionicist girl is very interesting. I'm looking forward to reading more of this.
I'm a little curious about whether Entreri is going to make an appearance at some point...
Anyway, please keep writing! :)
| SnowCatTam chapter 13 . 4/5/2012
I been always been fascinated of piscionics and I very much like the background of your character Laenaia she has the air of an old soul in a child body, I would love to see where this develops, please keep writing, most interesting story about Kimmuriel and your Laenaia. Whereabouts of Jarlaxle and a peek of his "frightening" being is most rewarding, I always say " never been afraid of what you know, but do fear what u not" and Jarlaxle is a fine example of hot-cold chaos. Keep it coming: your style and overall story flows.
| MaiWishes chapter 1 . 3/5/2012
Interesting, I hope u continue. For one I really like Kimmuriel. This drow girl seems to be a nice one? Is Jarlaxle looking for another pysionicist he can trust more?