Reviews for Chasing Yesterday |
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![]() ![]() ![]() Will Naruto start to remember her previous life? |
![]() ![]() ![]() wait how old are they ? |
![]() ![]() ![]() I LOVE IT |
![]() ![]() ![]() i can't believe u made us re read the Rasenchuriken beginning stages |
![]() ![]() ![]() Good move on the Danzo trial. Realistically speaking getting Danzo out through political maneuvers would be a nightmare. Glad you kept that in mind |
![]() ![]() ![]() Good move on the Danzo trial. Realistically speaking getting Danzo out through political maneuvers would be a nightmare. Glad you kept that in mind |
![]() ![]() ![]() Sweet Lord, more please?! Pretty please?! |
![]() ![]() ![]() Ha!- -Karin's too cute |
![]() ![]() ![]() Wow Sasuke calm down, she's underage you old fart and don't force yourself onto a girl. He doesn't love Naruko, he's obsessed with her and sickly possessive, he's acting completely toxic towards her. I'd enjoy seeing her pushing him away. Also, why would she be so clingey with Sasuke (in ch10 she jumped him and was all touchy in the middle of a court... WTF) after nearly 3 years of separation especially after what happened during their last fight, without Kyuubi and Uzumaki vitality she would have died from hemorrage... |
![]() ![]() ![]() The trial was good. Most of the chapter was skippable, you could have written it in 4k words instead of 13k and saved us the trouble of reading the Sasori fight for the millionth time, even though there are differences, in the end it was still Chiyo vs Sasori that mattered and it's been addressed in canon already. The Deidara part was totally irrelevant past the fact he failed to defeat Gaara. This chapter was so long and changing POV so many times that it's hard to understand what's happening. I felt like reading a full short novel. Your fights are way too detailed. Skip what doesn't matter, go to the flesh of the fight, we don't care how many times Sasori sends hundrefs of poisoned blades to his enemies, we care about his abilities and how they are countered. Try writing your fight scenes with half as many words for a start, then your every scene. Focus on feelings and emotion rather than describing every panel of the scene in your mind. When you fight, most of your actions are reflexes, automatisms. Only tell us what makes the fighters think, feel, not their every automated movement. Your fights are too long even for the Narutoverse. Canon Orochimaru vs Hiruzen lasted around 12 hours, yet past the fight with 1st and 2nd Hokage, we barely see any of it, because there's nothing important happening, we don't get to read 3 chapters of Hiruzen and Orochimaru talking in the middle of the soul extraction. It seems like you try to narrate the anime, which drags on as much as DBZ of all things (the longest 5 minutes in history being Goku vs Frieza). I hope this advice will help you improve your writing by keeping it short and focused rather than long and dragging out. Don't force yourself to write a longer chapter to reach a wordcount. That just makes the chapters forcibly long and drags your story down in quality. QUALITY OVER QUANTITY: if your chapter is 5k words, it's 5k words. Don't force 2k words in just to reach your 7k goal. Read any novel. Not all chapters are the same length. |
![]() ![]() ![]() It's webbed hands nigga not webs hands |
![]() ![]() I hope Sasuke will be able to right this time and save not only Naruto but others as well. As a Naruto fan it pain me deeply to watch Jiraya die and I cried for days and was sadly disappointed by the notion of it. Sasuke my still be Blood thirsty ninja but his heart will always belong to Naruko and I hope they get the ending they deserve. I'm always rooting for SASUNARU fics. Hopefully well get to see more of this delectable storyline. |
![]() ![]() Before I read the next 3 chapters I predict that only the jinchurriki will have Thier memories as only the 10 tails and Sasuke went back in time and the bujuu are made of the ten tails chakra... As for a review I tend to stay away from gender bender stories however must confess that this has been one of the better stories |
![]() ![]() ![]() trash fic |
![]() ![]() I thought this was more about romance. I’m getting bored with this fanfic smh |