|Reviews for Phoenix of Chaos|
| SakuraKoi chapter 2 . 1/24/2014
| SakuraKoi chapter 1 . 1/24/2014
| syft3land chapter 2 . 7/3/2013
I like the story so far, but the lack of commas in the text makes it a little tiresome to read. It is as if you're trying to say all those long sentences in one breath. One of the most basic writing rules they teach in primary school is that the word 'but' always has a comma in front of it, like this: "I wanted to visit my friend, but I was sick."
The comma is mostly used to give the reader a slight pause mid-sentence, without making one sentence into two.
Again, good story, and the lack of commas is the only problem I've come across.
| airwatcher chapter 2 . 10/30/2012
Loved the story, Can't wait for the next chapter. Keep it up.
| god of all chapter 2 . 10/19/2012
Great chapter and story so far please continue this story soon.
| Ultimate Challenge writer chapter 1 . 10/17/2012
This story really is great the only thing I can't figure out is why guns
| Kur0Kishi chapter 2 . 10/16/2012
Right... good uh.. luck on future chapters.
| jenn008 chapter 1 . 7/19/2012
| jenn008 chapter 2 . 7/15/2012
| michaeldavidgeng chapter 2 . 7/11/2012
interesting story, please finish
| Black Phoenix of Doom chapter 2 . 6/28/2012
good continue writting plz
| darkest magic chapter 2 . 4/1/2012
ok, that was a good start. You need to add more details. Just enough to enhance, but not give away the story. I'll ead you original too and get back to you.
| SeaBreeze2Ga chapter 2 . 3/31/2012
Great chapter, can't wait to see what happens with the wedding and afterwards, I hope you let Remus and Tonks and maybe even Madeye be on Harry's side, keep up the great work, can't wait to read more.
| Penny is wise chapter 2 . 3/28/2012
| Midnighter 13 chapter 1 . 3/24/2012
After only the first chapter I can categorically state A, you desperately need a Beta, B, you need to learn the difference between one word and another ("of" does not mean "off", etc.) and C you need to look up how to properly formulate a sentence.
Example, this is what you wrote,
"In the end it didn't help his mood he just learned that they betrayed him, it turned out that after second year the thought it would dangerous to be friends with him so Dumbledore paid them to keep being friends and also he wanted Harry to succeed him as the so called lord of light so he did a lot of things to mold Harry to his design."
this is what is should have been
In the end it didn't help his mood at all. He learned that they had betrayed him, and had been paid by Dumbledore to be his friends ever since second year. Dumbledore wanted Harry to be a so called "Lord of Light" and so he used a number of different manipulations to mold him into that image.
see the difference?
I read your old story a while ago, and while not great, I'm pretty sure it was not nearly as bad. So, in closing, get a beta, improve spelling, and learn sentence structure, then, and only then, can you start working on the plot (which has issues of its own that I'm not going to go into).