|Reviews for Chocolate|
| TheWritingFreak chapter 1 . 5/25/2013
Hey, I know CraftyNotepad! lol.
As for this one shot? Absolutely amazing! There are no other words. I love it.
| SlickNickShady chapter 1 . 7/10/2012
Wow, This story was really good.
"Come to think of it, she didn't want Chinese for dinner; she was much too eager for dessert."
| LoveShipper chapter 1 . 4/30/2012
Aww, this was so sweet. Who knew a simple piece of candy could bring such warm feelings and memories to a person?
| CraftyNotepad chapter 1 . 3/6/2012
Quite the debut on the Phil of the Future stage, RobertDowneyJrLove! You took the ordinary downtime of waiting for Phil, combined it with an unnamed chocolate bar, and created something wonderful. Oh, I'm sorely tempted to say "something tasty, but I witnessed considerable restraint on your part not to go over board with chocolate references, so I'll follow your classy lead.
The first slightly out of place device you employed dealt with the dollar. For some reason, this was wonderful - Keely not using a purse or at least a backpack to stash her cash? Isn't that crumpled up bill going to ruin the lines of her jeans? My, she's grown from her fashion forward days. It was that stretch, the growth of the character, which tickled me, causing me to appreciate this story from the start.
When I consider chocolate, it is pictured as all homogenous throughout, as if it were but edible plastic. Too few authors consider Phil Diffy existing much more than two-dimensionally as well. He has other sides, even depth and secrets. You, however, dragged his dark side from the shadows. Not many dare go there, Sarah. They fall deep into his dark eyes, sure, but how many actually look when they dive in? Admittedly, I don't picture Keely's Phil that way, but you did and we're richer for it. (Darn! A chocolate reference.)
You deserve recognition for great timing and transitions throughout the your tale. There's an ease of transitions as Keely contemplates the many sides of Phil in lieu of mandatory snacking. "Laden?" I liked that, and "...and "…when had her knees been replaced with Jell-O?" That generated a smile, too. The last of the story tied up Keely's pondering in character just right.
No weak spots in the entire delivery. My only suggestion is a minor one, and you can easily check in on your computer. "'Yea,' Keely shook her head" - use "yeah" instead of "yea." Have your computer speak the text aloud and you'll hear "y-A", as in "Do you vote 'yea' or 'nay'?" "Yeah" can be heard as "yah," as in "Yeah, I can eat an entire Señor Nougat candy bar for dessert."
I appreciate your tip of the hat, but even more I enjoyed reading your solid Pheely story, hopefully the first of many more. This story deserves going on my favorites list.
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P.S. Thanks for your closing author's remarks. That kind of personalization has always been appreciated here, even if you have chocolate breath.
| Inthis4kicks chapter 1 . 3/6/2012
Thank you for this! Loved it. I have a feeling this is one I will be coming back to read over and over again later.
Now I'm going to go get some chocolate...