|Reviews for No Giving Up|
| Rydan fall chapter 1 . 5/29/2014
Reads like a story board, school textbook or a encyclopedia.
To much borrowing from different sources as well, worse, badly cut & pasted together.
Gargoyles, Iron Man, Harry Potter, Stargate Universe are the ones I can spot right now.
Cant get into this, also, try getting the guy/girl building your next gen gear onboard of your secret hidden off world base for any length of time before the people of Earth will know something is wrong, very wrong.
Ad to this the Hogwarts list of students, which Im sure, isnt the only magical school doing it like that and she would have gone for magical school when she was eleven.
Now if a certain serpent speaking founder had left a young Goauld queen in stasis in that Secret Chamber of his...
Then you can atleast build up to a logical way to get her off world and then on a certain planet, following with dialing a certain address.
But you made her own a billion-dollar company and expect her to be OFF-WORLD for months?
She aint thrusting any board of directors anymore, after having to get rid of that last one.
Ad in the media.
So the problems are this.
1: Female and the Potters are still alive (could work, but needs some real thought)
2: Myrddin, Sorry, but this aint Disney's gargoyles, ad in that he is currently somewere in stasis and he cant even be there as a ascendant being (read higher plane/dimension energy being).
3: The company, its to big and making to much money.
4: Having to take back control of the company from the guys that were SUPPOSED to run her company for her.
5: To big figure in the media, to long periods of being gone will be noticed by the media, which is bad for secrecy, like secret programs that need you missing for several months, also gives problems with 3 & 4.
6: Name change, not needed.
7: Only to lead up with the Destiny, you could just have scrapped the above, Merlin/Myrddin thought the Four Founders, so leaving something behind with them, only to be hidden somewere in Hogwarts, like "The Room Of Requirements" or "The Chamber Of Secrets".
That or other alien reasons.
Ad in for fun, its myth that Diamond can be used for spells.
Diamonds can be melted, you have conducting & non-conducting, but without some force to guide the mixing, its impossible to create a diamond computer.
Forces like Sci-fi force-fields or HP defensive "magical" shields.
But with the magical nature of such a diamond computer, it cant really be mass-produced for the muggle world, since the magical nations of the world would prevent this, since it would lead to the revelation of the magical world.
Basically, rethink your concept and leave things not needed to it.
Your main character doesn't need to be a Mary Sue, its better if this aint so.
So make some character mistakes and so, we each have so our own mental problems, its what makes us us.
| harrysowl chapter 1 . 5/23/2014
nice story prompt, cant wait till you write the story or someone else take the idea and runs with it
| OSR fanatic chapter 1 . 5/17/2014
Great Story! :) Update Soon! :)
| mattcun chapter 1 . 11/30/2012
plz write more
| Raven Marcus chapter 1 . 6/26/2012
im interested! please write more!
| CappuccinoLover001 chapter 1 . 6/5/2012
so interesting. I hope to read the story soon. :)
| thunder18 chapter 1 . 3/25/2012
enjoyed reading this chapter
| Bountyhunter1977 chapter 1 . 3/19/2012
not a bad idea at all.
| shugokage chapter 1 . 3/6/2012
Very unique plot and interesting triple cross-over (please be careful I have only seen one successful triple cross-over before) I hope continue because it should be a good story!
| darkplayer35 chapter 1 . 3/5/2012
Interesting story idea. It has a lot of potential. Please update soon.