Reviews for Zelda Poems
reminiscent-afterthought chapter 5 . 9/9/2013
Time to read the final poem. :)

It's interesting to see semicolons utilised in a poem; it's something I rarely come across for some reason, but in terms of dictating the length of pauses you've used them really well. I also like the flow of the first few lines: the line "she is a princess, who knew nothing but peace" is a particular favourite of mine; it gives the image of an idealistic princess there.

[She is a princess, who knew nothing but peace.] - I would get rid of the comma there; it sort of hinders the flow.

I feel like there's something missing between the above line and the one that follows after. Gave up what? It sort of came unexpectedly and I think a couple of more lines could be added there to clarify the context and strengthen the scene.

"relying" seems to be a bit of a long word too, considering how concise everything else is. Perhaps a one-syllable one?

[She is his guide, his sage.

She is his only friend.
] - I actually found myself reading that as "She is his guide, his sage...
his only friend." But the note that I'd keep from that is you might want to try using the more lengthy pauses as well; fullstops seem to be your limit, butt here's also ellipses, and a little shorter the colon and dash.

The sentiment of this was gorgeous, particularly the way you show her growth without actually making it obvious. Very clever. :)
reminiscent-afterthought chapter 4 . 9/9/2013
Since you start with "the" selfless hero, it would be stronger to continue on with the "the" instead of "a guardian" and "a knight" - generally speaking, "a" comes off as weaker than "the".

I feel like there should be a stanza break between "A knight." and the line that follows it; the tone and structure change a little dramatically at that point, so it reads a little oddly there. I think the same between the second last and last, but only because the emphasis on that last line would be more pronounced.

[He showed her the truth, and only he could.] - this is my favourite line; the unseen emphasis on the "only" and "he" were superb. :)

You may want to see if you can cut the words down to the bare minimum and see how it reads there; I found myself crossing out "he is" quite often there; although its repetition is interesting, for example in the last line it only appears to drag for me. That's just how I read it though, so feel free to take that as a grain of salt. The "that" in line 6 is the same.

The repetition of only I found interesting, though I think I'm missing some canon point to truly understand it. I don't even know who the characters are. :) But a nice little poem.
reminiscent-afterthought chapter 3 . 9/4/2013
This is the sort of poem where the line breaks come in handy; it takes up far more space on the screen than the words imply. The uni screens are pretty big but it just fit in. :)

I like the demonstration of darkness and loss of vitality and hope in this poem; I'm not sure whether it was literal as well as figurative or just the latter, but either way I really enjoyed it. Particularly this part: "Darkness spreads as I talk" I was visualising shadows pouring out of his mouth like some horror clip.

"The jailor laughs at my tears" is an interesting one as well, particularly as you describe him as a monster with no sympathy attached.

The story idea is a little cliched with the princess caught and in tears and the evil villian and the hero coming to save them, but that's probably more an artefact of the canon. Your rhyming was far more natural in this poem, and the way you wrote Zelda made me not realise she was a princess until towards the middle-end. Things like "going mad in my prison" gave her a more regular!human feel.

All in all, a nice poem.
reminiscent-afterthought chapter 2 . 9/3/2013
Same as with the previous poem, it would be far clearer if you distinguish between the title (and author in this one), the poem and the A/N(s).

It seems to me as if there are two different voices in this poem. The bit that says "we are at peace" sounds very different to the bit that says "I beg of you. Please." I'm not sure if that was intentional or not, but on the whole I don't think it works all too well.

The rhyming structure of this seems far more forced than the other one. Changing the sentences around to remove that rhyming structure really changes the tone, eg. {our hearts are set free in death" - which seems to suit the topic more. It's up to you, but this seemed a little too upbeat for a poem talking about death. "Do not be sad" doesn't mean be happy, and neither do the words; it's just the structure that does that.

Destiny and freedom; interesting ideas to work into the same poem, but you've done it quite cleverly. And the introduction of a life without death is very interesting as well.

I would suggest italicising the "Please" - it would make that emphasis more pronounced. But that's just my personal opinion.
reminiscent-afterthought chapter 1 . 9/3/2013
Ooh, poetry. Anyway, the first thing I would recommend is separating your authors note, title and your actual fic. Just bolding your title would do it, but I normally prefer a divider between the A/N and the titlepoem as well. Otherwise the title could be confused as the first line of the poem (which it sometimes is).

"Was it a dream" - is a gorgeous beginning, and since it's a question without a question mark the tone really mellows out. Interesting; it's one of those inventive things that poetry allows. :)

And you've got a rhyming structure; that's interesting, but I thought the pink/think rhyme sounded a little forced. "hope" and "think" is the bit that makes it so; "think" is pretty flat when it comes after something powerful like "hope".

[The Princess of Hyrule, the Queen of her land.] - I would recommend taking out the "her" since it reads a little better that way. It's just a phoenetic thing, and someone else'll probably disagree with me.

That last line has quite a bit of passion in it, and it's a pleasant surprise and a powerful ending. :) Even though I know nothing about the fandom, I can still appreciate the scene of this poem...though I've heard of Link somewhere. Has he got something to do with Mario?

Sorry, random note to end in. But a very nice poem all in all. Was it intentional to not use stanza/line breaks? Ie. a stylistic thing? Or it's just ffn messing up your stanza breaks?
The Empty Lord chapter 3 . 6/18/2012
Oh, so this is part of what you've been working on. I'm certainly no expert (or even well educated) in poetry, but from my novice viewpoint, they're pretty good. I enjoyed the second one in particular.
SuperSaiyanParadoxx chapter 1 . 6/1/2012
thats so sweet
SuperSaiyanParadoxx chapter 2 . 6/1/2012
nice, i liked it!
SAVIOR OF HYRULE chapter 1 . 4/9/2012
im not a big fan of poetry but dang this is good!
pichu lover chapter 1 . 4/1/2012
I think that it is real and true guys do think that.