|Reviews for Her Heroes|
| McKenzie Starr chapter 38 . 3/26
I WANT MORE!
| PrincessLala95 chapter 38 . 3/6
Alrighty! I've just finished reading and I have a lot of mixed feelings about this one. There's so much good stuff in here, but also some critique to be made.
Firstly, I'd like to comment on the idea. It's amazing. I love seeing John's kind-of-estranged daughter, and I loved seeing him and Randy come riding in on their white horses to rescue her. It was exactly what I would imagine these men to do. There are tons of amazing ideas in here, my particular favourites being the Lil' Divas and the "evil stepmother" storyline - believe me, I have an evil stepmother, so I totally get it.
I see that a previous reviewer commented on Lily being a Mary-Sue, and I'm afraid I have to agree. I'm assuming you know what that means, but in case not, a Mary-Sue is a character who is essentially perfect. Lily has proven herself to be pretty, clever, strong, determined, smart, witty, charismatic, sweet...the list goes on. Is there anything this girl can't do? It actually, strangely enough, makes for a boring character. Interesting characters are well-rounded, with flaws and weaknesses, but I see none in Lily.
I find that a large chunk of your story consists of describing clothing. You essentially visualize the character and describe every item that they're wearing, which causes for large chunks of text consisting only of Lily's purple outfit - the very one, in fact, that was once described to us in another chapter. Believe me, I'm highly feminine and girly and I LOVE describing clothing, but rather than focusing on the clothing, I would suggest that you try to sprinkle it in less generously and use it to highlight more important description. Instead of telling us what she's wearing, show us. Instead of describing her outfit, try sentences in which she interacts with the clothing. "A squeak left her lips as she tugged on the purple t-shirt, and she suddenly began to find herself worrying that she might be outgrowing i or "Uncomfortably, she tugged at the hem of her green tank top and shifted her gaze away." Both of these examples show us what she's wearing, and you can make more sentences to get every article of clothing in there if you wish, but it breaks up the text blocks AND allows Lily to express emotions and thoughts through interactions with her clothing.
John Cena's parenting skills have me worried, lol. He's my precious baby, but I'd like to give him a good slap upside the head for his response to walking in Lily's room the night after that scary movie. Five men, two girls, each girl snuggled between two of the men, one grouping cuddled up in the bed... My mental image looked more like the aftermath of an intense orgy than a sweet moment between a little girl and her male role models. I'm sorry, Cena baby, but you should not be allowing your adult male friends to be in bed with your teenage daughter. As much as you may trust them and love them, it's just inappropriate. That's just me being an adult though :P
And lastly, good god, that girl is spoiled.
I am quite enjoying this. I hope to see more soon. A few minor grammatical errors and spelling errors here and there, but nothing that can't be fixed with some quick revisions.
| Morgan Marie chapter 38 . 2/28
I check every day to find nothing! Please write another chapter! Oh and I will not be at church tomorrow because I'm spending the night at Cameron's so I love you!
| Morgy Marie chapter 38 . 2/20
I want another chapter, Mommy! Oh and I love you! But I want another chapter!
| Morgan Marie chapter 38 . 2/16
Can yo see me now?
| Morgan Marie chapter 38 . 2/15
I know I already posted a review, but I forgot to say how awesome this chapter was, Mommy. It was really good and I can't wait for the next chapter. I love you!
| Morgan Marie chapter 38 . 2/15
I, of course, found a spelling error. At the very beginning, you said they boarded a plan, and were headed to Massachusetts. Please tell me you see what's wrong with that sentence.
| thecharmedone927 chapter 38 . 2/15
I really like this story. Will write longer review later. Good work!
| ayyyy14 chapter 1 . 12/29/2012
Woah... That's so sad:(
| RachelRose523 chapter 37 . 12/17/2012
I really hope you update this soon.
| wwelover101 chapter 1 . 12/7/2012
Really really love this story just update more often plez !
| RavenNightshade98 chapter 37 . 11/8/2012
yay! Nice chapter, next one will be better! In the Second to last paragraph when talking about lily's dress you accidentally said dress instead of sash mommy XD
| weaselette01 chapter 37 . 11/7/2012
I love the chapter, but don't you think you're rushing John and Ayden's relationship a bit. They've only known each other a few weeks. This isn't an attack on your story, just a bit of constructive criticism. Love the dresses!
| Hi14 x chapter 37 . 11/7/2012
So so brilliAnt! Update doin :)
(and can I sugest some more John and Lily sections?) thanks xx
| FanfictionWhisperx chapter 37 . 11/7/2012
i dont think it was boring , it was good :) update soon