|Reviews for Her Heroes|
| Guest chapter 39 . 9/5/2016
oh my god your fic just scream mary-sue!
| loverofPunk chapter 39 . 7/7/2016
omg please write more on this story please I really love it and want to see if her and Seth start dating.
| kitsunegirl27 chapter 39 . 6/10/2016
Okay I read the reviews and I believe a) Lilyanna is not a Mary-Sue because she is little girl who was abused and is just reuniting with them. She would as an abused child wouldn't be comfortable yet because of that. B) Why should you care because you really don't have to read this. I am not trying to be mean. Please continued with happy reading
| morgy marie chapter 1 . 5/17/2016
Is her staying in custody of dad a spoiler? Text me back to let me know please
| morgy chapter 1 . 4/22/2016
hi mommy. i am done early with m-step and am bored on the computer. i cant have my phone in here when testing so i am on here. lol love you
| Guest chapter 2 . 4/3/2016
ARE YOU ON CRACK
| mommy chapter 39 . 3/24/2016
We can update it together soon
| Guess who chapter 39 . 3/24/2016
Update your story please
| MorganMarie chapter 39 . 3/13/2016
Oh my gosh mommy it's about time. I did find one or two typos but that's normal for you! Whens the next chapter coming?!
| Morgy marie chapter 38 . 2/22/2016
Mommy! That was such a sweet chapter...but I need more! Please write more soon. I would be super happy if you write one some time this week maybe!
| McKenzie Starr chapter 38 . 3/26/2015
I WANT MORE!
| PrincessLala95 chapter 38 . 3/6/2015
Alrighty! I've just finished reading and I have a lot of mixed feelings about this one. There's so much good stuff in here, but also some critique to be made.
Firstly, I'd like to comment on the idea. It's amazing. I love seeing John's kind-of-estranged daughter, and I loved seeing him and Randy come riding in on their white horses to rescue her. It was exactly what I would imagine these men to do. There are tons of amazing ideas in here, my particular favourites being the Lil' Divas and the "evil stepmother" storyline - believe me, I have an evil stepmother, so I totally get it.
I see that a previous reviewer commented on Lily being a Mary-Sue, and I'm afraid I have to agree. I'm assuming you know what that means, but in case not, a Mary-Sue is a character who is essentially perfect. Lily has proven herself to be pretty, clever, strong, determined, smart, witty, charismatic, sweet...the list goes on. Is there anything this girl can't do? It actually, strangely enough, makes for a boring character. Interesting characters are well-rounded, with flaws and weaknesses, but I see none in Lily.
I find that a large chunk of your story consists of describing clothing. You essentially visualize the character and describe every item that they're wearing, which causes for large chunks of text consisting only of Lily's purple outfit - the very one, in fact, that was once described to us in another chapter. Believe me, I'm highly feminine and girly and I LOVE describing clothing, but rather than focusing on the clothing, I would suggest that you try to sprinkle it in less generously and use it to highlight more important description. Instead of telling us what she's wearing, show us. Instead of describing her outfit, try sentences in which she interacts with the clothing. "A squeak left her lips as she tugged on the purple t-shirt, and she suddenly began to find herself worrying that she might be outgrowing i or "Uncomfortably, she tugged at the hem of her green tank top and shifted her gaze away." Both of these examples show us what she's wearing, and you can make more sentences to get every article of clothing in there if you wish, but it breaks up the text blocks AND allows Lily to express emotions and thoughts through interactions with her clothing.
John Cena's parenting skills have me worried, lol. He's my precious baby, but I'd like to give him a good slap upside the head for his response to walking in Lily's room the night after that scary movie. Five men, two girls, each girl snuggled between two of the men, one grouping cuddled up in the bed... My mental image looked more like the aftermath of an intense orgy than a sweet moment between a little girl and her male role models. I'm sorry, Cena baby, but you should not be allowing your adult male friends to be in bed with your teenage daughter. As much as you may trust them and love them, it's just inappropriate. That's just me being an adult though :P
And lastly, good god, that girl is spoiled.
I am quite enjoying this. I hope to see more soon. A few minor grammatical errors and spelling errors here and there, but nothing that can't be fixed with some quick revisions.
| Morgan Marie chapter 38 . 2/28/2015
I check every day to find nothing! Please write another chapter! Oh and I will not be at church tomorrow because I'm spending the night at Cameron's so I love you!
| Morgy Marie chapter 38 . 2/20/2015
I want another chapter, Mommy! Oh and I love you! But I want another chapter!
| Morgan Marie chapter 38 . 2/16/2015
Can yo see me now?