|Reviews for Part of the War|
| PioneeringAuthor chapter 4 . 3/11
This is certainly a suspenseful story!
To Darkhawk, please don't publish anymore until it is the way you want it, I want to see it at its best, okay?
I believe in you!
PioneeringAuthor, the pioneer with a heart for people
| NoIAmADragon chapter 5 . 10/2/2014
A few minutes after review…
NO! Please update! THIS IS BESTEST
| NoIAmADragon chapter 3 . 10/2/2014
This is soooooo awesome… and no MR. Everywhere review! Yay
| jibblitmuffins3675 chapter 2 . 3/11/2012
This was a really good chapter! Also I have one question, are you going to make another chapter? Because I think you should. This is a really good story, and I think that it's to good of a story to just put down now . But that's just me. you don't have to if you don't want to. your the author after all. YOUR AMAZING!
| Winterowl312 chapter 1 . 3/11/2012
I like your writing style, but I don't understand. Why would they attack London? It's in the middle of a Darwinist coutry. How would Clankers access it (unless I'm missing something and they aren't Clankers...?)?
| Barking Spiders chapter 1 . 3/10/2012
Ohhhh...so interesting.. :)
please update soon
| Middy Miles chapter 1 . 3/9/2012
Alas, I bring tidings of constructive criticism. A few points;
a.) I noticed that your sentence structures are all very similar. He could hear... He looked... He was nervous... and so on. Try to mix it up a little by making other things the subjects in your sentences. For example, you wouldn't even have to say that he looked out the window. It would be easy to restructure it to say, "The buildings of the huge city rolled by, just outside his window." See? It can really liven up a story and make it more interesting to the reader.
b.) Make sure you don't re-use words and phrases too close to each other. "Bovril *climbed* up the bench, *climbing*..." Within two lines Deryn and Alek had both scratched the Bovril's ear. One could have ruffled its fur or something. Also, Bovril is an "it", not a "he", as most beasties are.
c.) I'm not sure how to really go about fixing it, but I didn't find the characters terribly in character. I didn't really think guns were Volger's and Barlow's style, and Dr. Barlow would most certainly not make such a joke about having named the loris "Prince" with people who don't know Deryn's secret around. Does that make sense at all?
d.) I'm sorry if I sound like a pompous idiot in this review. I really am trying to help, but if you don't like my suggestions, feel free to toss them out the window. Really, though, keep at it. Practice is the only thing that can improve writing, because practice makes better!
| ReadySetJett chapter 2 . 3/9/2012
That remark about Volger and Dr. Barlow was hilarious. xD
| jibblitmuffins3675 chapter 1 . 3/8/2012
AAAAA! What happens? why did you end it there? You NEED to write another one! PLEASE! I love this story, and you can't end it like that without another story to suport it! Did Alek get shoot? WHAT HAPPENS? Please write another story! PLEASE!
| ReadySetJett chapter 1 . 3/7/2012
OH MY FFFFFFFF- UPDATE SOON.