|Reviews for King David's choice|
| Arsha Clarek chapter 1 . 4/28/2012
I loved this! Really interesting, and VERY well written. Well done!
| My Whole Life Is Thunder chapter 1 . 3/10/2012
Which two agents were hurt? Are they OK?
| Jake Crepeau chapter 1 . 3/9/2012
And you captured it, all right. You brought me right back to my childhood, in the days before Vatican II; although, in my experience, even in the days when the incense was used at every Mass, it was never left burning between Masses because of the fire hazard. But in a parish with more than one priest, several Masses were said every day, since each priest is obligued to celebrate a Mass daily. So the scent of the incense was constantly present in the church, whether or not the stuff was actually burning. (I really miss that!) Nowadays, it's only used at Christmas and Easter, and at funeral Masses.
The only real "mistake" I found were trivial technicalities that even most Catholics don't realize anymore. The "belt" on a priest's robe is not actually called a "belt;" it's referred to as a cincture. The robe itself is called a cassock, and you wouldn't refer to him as lifting his "skirt," but his "cassock."
A very well written story. Especially the little ray of light from the stained-glass window. I've actually seen that sort of thing happen in my lifetime, and I'm convinced that, in some cases at least, it's a sign God sends to give hope a little nudge. ;D
| EowynGoldberry chapter 1 . 3/9/2012
I thought it was good.
| DS2010 chapter 1 . 3/9/2012
| Headbanger Rockstar chapter 1 . 3/9/2012
Oh my. I was encouraged to read this story by a friend of mine...she told me that she thought I'd like it and she was RIGHT! I love the imagery you gave us here-I've been in churches exactly like the one you have described-it's a beautiful setting for a story about a man at his wits end. This was amazing. Really, really nice job!
| alix33 chapter 1 . 3/9/2012
"Cold winds coming from the North would suddenly blow creating a vortex of leaves in the pavement," - "on the pavement".
"which he opened with an old cooper key he had hanging from his belt." - "copper key".
"He sat on the stool and took in his shaking gnarled hands a few yellowed paper sheets from a drawer somewhere in his right and silently opened the music sheets before himself." - "somewhere to his right".
"but froze as he found blood dried over his fingers and the cuff of his jumper." - "on his fingers"
Just a thing, I think "jumper" in American English is a dress-like garment. It is only in British English that it is the same as an American sweater. So you might want to either use the word "sweater" or put in an author's note explaining what kind of garment you have Gibbs wearing there
"such as the day you meet the love of your life and the day you hold for the first time your infant child in your arms." - "you hold your infant child in your arms for the first time".
"Hard to keep faith when people you… care are bleeding to death before you." - "people you...care about are bleeding".
"Gibbs stopped scrapping the dried blood and raised eyes to the priest," - "scraping off the dried blood".
"Not a church goer." - "churchgoer" is one word.
"Bathsheba, now a widower and new wife of the king came to term," - "Bathsheba, now a widow and new wife of the king, came to term,". Gibbs was a widower (a man whose wife had died) after Shannon died.
"she gave birth to sickly child." - "she gave birth to a sickly child."
"you can stagnate in a deep hole of self pity or stand up, shake the dust and keep going." - "you can stagnate in a deep hole of self-pity or stand up, shake off the dust and keep going."
"someone you care in your work," - "someone you care for at your workplace,".
"Gibbs kept watching the priest go to his everyday routine," - "through his everyday routine".
"Gibbs stayed there for more half an hour," - Did you mean "for another half hour"? Or did you mean "for more than a half hour"?
"his gaze lost as his mind restlessly worked his choices and his actions." - "mind restlessly worked through his choices".
"kindling one candle to each of his team members." - "for each of".
"stepping on it with his booth." - "with his boot".
| Lostinthejumble chapter 1 . 3/9/2012
I'm not Catholic either, but I'll still tell ya NICE WORK! Very beautifully described and explained. So...have you ever considered being a minister. :) Beautiful lesson there. Really. Thank you. We've all got "children" we face, and your story is a beautiful reminder of that.
| dolphinsiren is me chapter 1 . 3/9/2012
Didnt hear from you for a while ! Glad you are back with this amazing story !.
Very in character. Ya know Im a Gibbs fan !Thanks !
| danielle007 chapter 1 . 3/9/2012
AAAAAAAAAH! A new story!
I like that you dove into a lil into Gibbs!