|Reviews for The Italian Plot|
| Daniella the muggle chapter 18 . 11/7/2012
AWESOME! Sweet epilogue. It makes sense that in the future he settles down. Kinda like Indy Jones getting married to Marion (I mean, he's gone on adventures his entire life!). Although, in my fanfic, Tintin doesn't end up with Martine. He goes on a date with her, but Jacq's his love interest. Whether Tintin and Jacq get married in the future or not is up for anybody to decide. All I care about now is whether I can make good chemistry between them. But I digress.
Btw, You wrote "What did you saw back there?" It's supposed to be "What did you see back there?"
It was a really well done fanfic, to present Tintin in a different angle. But you still kept the same characters there, except using a different tone. You wrote very well and I had fun reading all this from beginning to end! Good job!
| Scribblebun chapter 14 . 8/6/2012
i like the idea of allen being a good guy for a while. seems different, and i always like when villains have a change of heart. i also like the thom(p)son's roles in all this. nice work
| RocknRollagirl chapter 9 . 7/1/2012
Really like your story and will start to read tintin in mexico now:)But im asking myself the whole time, what these lawyer said to tintin, that made him so upset?
| Daniella the muggle chapter 13 . 6/28/2012
I also got writer's block when trying to write chapter 8 (I think). I'm on vacation now, so chapter's gonna have to wait for another two weeks. Anyway, awesome chapter!
| NJ chapter 12 . 5/31/2012
I hope you get better, your my favorite Tintin author.
| Commander Pinkie Pie chapter 12 . 5/22/2012
Hey! Srry I was not able to comment. I was grounded because of my low grades D8
I hope you're ok! I don't want an epic Tintin fanfic to end a-la Herge's (original) Alph-Art (BTW, today's his B-Day xDD). Your health's more important now! I can wait even weeks for the chappie, if you happen to submit them!
Take care n3n!
| Daniella the muggle chapter 12 . 5/20/2012
Quiero que te mejores. Animo!
Your story is one of the best I've ever read in the fanfic site. I mean the trilogy. It's practically one whole story. Oh well. Please take care!
Daniella the muggle
| VicPin chapter 12 . 5/18/2012
Amigo, qué te pasó? Es asma?
| Daniella the muggle chapter 11 . 4/22/2012
OK! OK! I'll help you out with the English as much as I can. If that's ok with you. But just chapter 11 at the moment, because I'm super busy.
It's not "It has no sense". It's "It makes no sense" or "That makes no sense". I don't know if "law body" is a term, but you'll have to check. You mean "there's not sign of him", not "there's no signal of him". It's "let's take a look", not "let's give a look". It's "then at least let me prove I'm right", not "I have reason". "Tener la razon" se dice "to be right" en ingles. "For a reason"? It's "for some reason", but I think you should cut that line out. "Tintin turns his head" makes more sense than "Tintin turns his sight". I duuno if you use "turns his sight".
You should probably use "Meanwhile" instead of "While the case happened" (si te refieres a "mientras tanto"... o talzez te refieres a otra cosa). I dunno if it's "you're off the investigation" or "you're out of the investigation", or something... I might be wrong myself. I think I am. You'll have to check that.
She said "Harold Doppler is going to be in your place instead" BEFORE Thomson said "you can't replace us like that." Also, it should be "He's going to TAKE YOUR PLACE". It's "he only solved a few cases", not "resolved a few cases". It should be "if you're lying", not "if it was a lie". It sounds better. It should be "Tintin's disappearance", not "the disappearance of Tintin".
"He went another way", not "he took another way". Don't say "leaving his hunters distracted". Distracted means another thing. "Distraerlos" is "Distract them". I dunno what word you'd want to use instead. Probably "making them lose him out of their sight"
Say "whatever helped" or even better "whatever worked to save himself", not "whatever it helped". Is this past tense or present tense, because I'm a bit confused. You say "the sounds of hounds continue", and then you said "it disappeared." It's "he then opened", not "he opened then". It's not "he didn't brought", it's "he didn't bring".
"The men chased Tintin", not "took off after Tintin." Also, I've noticed you have too many "then"s. Try to cut that down. "after he's caught", not "after he's captured". I know it's probably the same thing, but I think it sounds better. "ALLAN recognised it was one of his tricks," not "HE recognised." If you say "HE", I don't know who you're talking about. It's "slip up and search every door", not "get separated and take different doors". It's "said Allan", not "Allan said". "He said as he went..." not "SAID as he went..."
Instead of "the one which appeared to be the one Tintin took earlier to escape from their sight", you should use "the one which Tintin might have taken to give them the slip." It's clearer.
"The men stared AT each other", not "stared to each other".
"While being chased like a fox" instead of "While he's being chased like a fox". Really, you HAVE to say either past tense or present tense! And once again, try to cut down some "then"s, because they're kinda redundant.
It's "take a look at his surroundings", not "give a look to his surroundings".
Maybe you should use "unfortunately" instead of "sadly". Sad means "aww, that's sad, or that's unhappy." Unfortunate is "that's too bad, or unlucky." And... HOLY GUACAMOLE! TINTIN GOT SHOT! Maybe you should make Tintin scream or grunt or something. Maybe he doesn't have to speak at all. Did he fall? What did he do? Grab his arm in pain? Give him an action or something. Something like ""AH!" he screamed as he held his arm in pain." or something like that. You can't just say something like "oh yeah, he got stabbed, and the guy started to talk." It's "with a calm voice", not "calmed voice". I think. Seriously, I might be wrong in a few of these. Try to check with someone else just in case I miss out on something. I'm not grammar teacher. Even I get some things wrong.
Say "he was trying to stand up properly" or "trying to get up" instead of "getting into his feet." Also, it's "not mattering how painful it was" instead of "not mattering how the pain was bugging him". And you should also say "standing like a toddler" or "getting up like a toddler" instead of "getting into your feet like a toddler". "Getting into your feet" isn't even an expression. "On the floor", not "in the floor".
You should say "meanwhile", instead of "at the same time this was happening". If you mean "mientras tanto". You also mean "below, outside the building" instead of "FROM below, outside the building". "Look AT the sky", not "look to the sky". "He turned his sight towards the building in front of him", not "He directed his sight to the building he had in front of him". "Pointed at them", not "pointed to them". "He knew talking would slow him down" or "he knew he'd run slower" instead of "he knew his speed would get lower"
"After looking around", not "After looking left, right, up, and down." It sounds better. Instead of the thing you wrote, you should say this: "He cursed and punched a wall. The wall started to crack."
"Before the lad could escape from his sight again" instead of "before the lad managed to escape from his sight again"
"As I said before, they were..." wait... "I"? Who's "I"? The narrator? You should said "he remembered that they were very superstitious." Wait, superstitious about what? "...was not helping him recover his energy" instead of "helping on recovering energy."
It's "Tintin glanced at the burned house", not "Tintin gives a quick sight to the burned house". It's "if he manages to jump to that roof", not "if he gets to jump to that roof". Instead of "his heart rhythm was reacting to the danger he was now exposed to, and he felt his body was getting heavier", say "his heart was beating fast, and his body felt heavier and heavier"
"Lightning strikes between the men" not "lightning strokes between the men". Instead of "ripping the building into two halves", say "breaking the building apart into two halves". MAYBE, I dunno. WAIT! Did Allan jump over a building? Wait, did he fall? Maybe then it's not "the man slipped and fell off", but "the man slipped and fell off the building, hitting the ground". It seems like a tall building. I dunno. Try to make that clearer.
"Do whatever it takes to bring it to me" instead of "Use whatever to bring it to me." "Tom went off to chase Tintin" instead of "Tom left to chase Tintin". I think. I'm probably 70% correct in these stuff. I dunno.
"But he didn't respond", instead of "but no response received".
There you have it! I type a lot!
Anyway, what happened? WHO GOT SHOT! Awesome cliffhanger. Awesome chapter in general. Yes, I enjoyed my cameo!
| Xandora chapter 10 . 4/20/2012
I have really enjoyed your trilogy so far. My only complaint would be the use of dashes instead of quotation marks. Otherwise I'm very grateful that there is a decent fanfic in this fandom (although I haven checked out many others)
| Scribblebun chapter 10 . 4/11/2012
YAY he's innocent!
| Daniella the muggle chapter 10 . 4/11/2012
I like the part when Haddock wants to "go outside, go out and breathe fresh air, have a walk, and buy more tobacco". OXYMORON AWAAAAAAYY!
HEY! THAT OLD LADY HAS THE SMAE NAME AS ME... wait... I'M the old lady?
An old lady with photographic memory! BAKAN! I've always wanted photographic memory! Sweet!
By the way, if you want her to be called Daniella, stop misspelling it "Danielle". Sorry. Just pointing it out. And there are lots of grammar mistakes, and lots of other mistakes.
WOAH! They found the real murderer! Wait... I found the murderer! I'm such a badass old lady! Wait, what?
Oh well, I'm totally hooked! I enjoyed my cameo! Thanks!
| Commander Pinkie Pie chapter 9 . 4/8/2012
:0 Have I told you (guess not) I hate cliffhangers?
Now you know xD
I've been reading the fanfics you wrote (since last Friday) and they're EPIC and I CAN CLEARLY IMAGINE THEM (just work on your grammar. English is not my native language either xD (I'm from Spain, BTW)).
I WANT SO BADLY DAT CAMEO!
Here are my answers:
a) No idea D:
b) Is it that Guy Fawkes dude? Is the only person who has the name of Guido.
d) Dunno... 23?
In case I win... my name is Diane.
| Daniella the muggle chapter 9 . 4/5/2012
HEY! Still love this story! I love the talk with his parents. (A few grammar mistakes in the fanfic of course, but I don't blame you. You speak Spanish, and English isn't your first language, so naturally it's a bit difficult for you.)
I've always loved stories with the theme of identity. And it really works in this story. Speaking of which, I posted my new fanfic. Hope you like it! Also has a theme of identity in it, but it's adventure/romance, and keeps the same tone as the comics.
Anyway, here are my answers:
a) I think it was Thompson.
b) The falcon, Guido, is named after... eh... well... pass.
c) Tintin's 24, right? Because their parents met 25 years ago, and then a year later they got married. Then Tintin was born a few months later in January.
d) Dmitri (I think, because he has the appearance of 40, but is actually 24, as said in one chapter). He was speaking to... eh... Geremi? Geesh, I don't know!
I don't know if I answered any of these correctly. Oh well! Never mind. Can't wait for the rest! :)
| Anon chapter 1 . 4/5/2012
" " " " " "
It's not hard: press shift while holding the number 2.
Little niggle aside: good job! Is this youre first fanfic? I really enjoy it!