|Reviews for A New World, The Story Of A Lost Shinobi|
| Stickermans50 chapter 5 . 7/28
Okay if this was anime... cool. But since i was actually reading it... it felt very slow-paced. On the level of Dressrosa pacing. xD if it wasn't for me being very entertained with the chapter. I would've been pissed. Lol. which means... pacing aside, This was yet again a very well-written and incredibly entertaining chapter. My least favorite out of the 5 but still very good. What makes it good... at least for me is the unpredictibility. Levy is there sooooo yeah... no cannon following here. XD
That is a reason why i was very much eager to know what was going to happen. The chatting in car was pretty good and i also... enjoyed the trying-to-catch Kageyama thing. Just great. again i saw some spelling errors but nothing much. A pretty good chapter and... that ending man! Had Naruto known the language it wouldn't have been as amazing as it was. XD epic! Badass! Humor was also good in the chapter.
7.8/10 for this one. Can't wait to read more though i have to go out now. So laterz!
| Stickermans50 chapter 4 . 7/27
AWESOME! This was definitely, not just better than the last chapter but also was way more exciting than all the chapters. The shock was very cool, I had no idea we still had Eisenwald coming and i agree.. if authors were to follow cannon to word and write every single thing the way it is anime.. It would be boring As hell!
The chapter, as i said before.. was magnificent. I loved it very much. The perfect combination of humor and a bit of seriousness is what makes this story so compelling and great. I have been sleepy since i read Chapter #01 and yet i couldn't stop reading. As i said. Spectacular. Though i do have a question, Since it was Bee who told Naruto that Rasengan was created by Minato... how did he know? Lol and when did he become a master at sealing jutsu? LMAO! XD
That was all, Great setup and build up chapter. Can't wait to read Eisenwald arc and how many changes you will make in it. I think that the language thing will be done by the time that arc is done. And by the way... I just realized... in a way... Shadow Clone Jutsu is the best thing ever. If i could just have it! Lol. But oh well. XD Well amazing work bro, I'ma sleep and read more tomorrow. It's way past midnight! See ya and night. I'll be reading oh and by the way 8.5-8.8/10 for this one!
| Stickermans50 chapter 3 . 7/27
Great chapter. Though my least favorite of the three. Reason being very simple, Not much progression in the plot though really glad to see Mirajane and Naruto's scenes. Bonding between characters is always important. The scene with "Thousand Years Of Death" Absolutely a masterpiece! XD I LAUGHED SOOOOOO HARD ON THAT ONE! XD Btw it's "Gonna" not "Gona" Lol, THough i'm pretty sure you must've taken it out by now.
Wanted to see more progression in the plot this chapter, But oh well. The chapter was fantastic nonetheless and the amount of enjoyment i got out of these three chapters was just spectacular. By the way did i mention one of the most important things that make this story great is your marvelous writing-style. Seriously, Your writing-style from today on is my favorite one. Amazing style! So yeah. Great chapter with cool bondings for the characters, Humor was good too and overall just a chill chapter that i enjoyed very much. 8/10 for this one because of the lack of plot-progression but as i have said before. AWESOME JOB NONETHELESS!
| Stickermans50 chapter 2 . 7/27
Now this was the most amazing chapter i have read in a long while! Truly magnificent, As always! ALWAYS! Your writing was astounding to say the least and the descriptions were super amazing. I don't think any other author would've been able to convey and describe this chapter as beautifully and perfectly as you did Lanky bro. GREAT!
The humor in chapter #01 one was awesome and i kinda forgot to say that, Specially Happy's "He heard you the first five times!" To Lucy. XD That was FUNNY AF! Loved that scene bro, Also this chapter just proved how much of a boss you're when it comes to writing. The chapter should've been boring as hell and slow-paced yet you handled it beautifully! Great job bro! JUST GREAT! I think 9.2 or a bit higher for this chapter.
P.s i forgot to mention last time, There were some typos... i think only three typos... in CHappie #01 so if you have time reread it and this one had two typos too. I think! Anyways a splendid chapter! Loved it bro.
| Stickermans50 chapter 1 . 7/27
Oh my god! OMFG! Lanky bro... finally! I finally am reading the most hyped up story of this section.. and it certainly lives up to that hype man! Phenomenal job bro! So freaking good. Your writing skills are top-notch no doubt and everything is described sooooo well! Just great. Now that, that'$ out of the way let's talk about the chapter.
Great start or more like the best start i have ever seen. It doesn't just show a lot of potential (which is pretty sure at it's peak by chappie 33. XD) but is spectacularly unique too. So is Kakashi around here somewhere too? XD i hope so. then again he is better off not being there. lol. Btw you should write a dark and suspense story. The way he couldn't hear anything and the suddenly boom! It's another lsnguage. Very good first setup and build up chapter. best start ever IMO. 9/10 for this awesome chappie.
| KiiroNoKitsune chapter 36 . 7/25
I really like the story and how naruto had to learn the language first. Though I do have to say Im not sure about your plans for kurama now being made from magic now not chakra. Also what happens when he returns home? Will he find a way back and forth? Though some Shinobi may wage war so that's not good... anyways good job so far and good luck on the writing process.
| DracoArtemisLeopin chapter 36 . 7/25
This is an excellent story, but I do have a small bit of criticism. It may seem a little odd to be commenting on this when Elfman wasn't even in this chapter, but the way that write his speech doesn't really fit his character. For instance, the way you wrote it, Elfman would likely say "I am going to defeat you." when in canon his speech would be more along the lines of "I'm gonna kick your ass!" I just that you might want to be aware of this if you weren't already. That's really the only thing that comes to mind so far. Looking forward to the next chapter.
| Karibanu chapter 36 . 7/24
Honestly I'd read the manga - for almost anything in fact, *especially* Naruto even though that turned into an atrocity a couple hundred chapters ago - filling the characters voices & personalities in from print makes everything more involving, and you don't have some anime production house in-between you and the mangaka either. Well, mostly, I'm fairly sure the last 300 chapters of Naruto were done by someone else...
So is his side trip to Edolas going to mean he misses the window home? I'm in two minds about whether he ought to get back in any useful time period given how fast he's made a new home. That might be a pacing issue you want to check if that wasn't intentional.
| Fan-Of-FictionX01 chapter 36 . 7/21
Great chapter as always, and I'm very eager to see what you are going to do with the Edolas arc.
Firstly, I would like to applaud your stellar world building in this chapter. While it might not seem like a big deal, the addition of the lady fishing and the waiter at the cafe was a fantastic way of making the dimension of Edolas seem more alive. It is a reminder that there are still regular people in the world going about their every day lives and not everything revolves around mage battles and Fairy Tail. This feeling was further reinforced when you mentioned the economic implications (transport prices rising) of the world's magic disappearing and the effect it has on the people. It also explains that it is Faust's ability to procure magic for his people that has kept him in their good graces. Anyways, like I said, these small things were great for the setting and lore behind the narrative.
Another small thing that I appreciated about this chapter was the addition of that actually competent soldier. He managed to keep up with Naruto for a bit which was a great way to show that not all unnamed characters are fodder and added a degree of realism to the story. I hope to see him again at some point in this arc. So yeah, good job on that :P
The fight against Erza was, like all of your fights, a treat to read and it was nice to see him beat her so handily despite all her arrogance at the start. I can't wait to see her reaction when they inevitably meet again and I hope Naruto is one of the people that helps her turn over a new leaf at the end of the arc. On an unrelated note, the scene where he clamped his hand over her mouth gave me chills. Very well done.
The interactions with the Edolas guild members were also entertaining to read and I look forward to seeing how they will react once it truly hits them that Naruto beat Erza Knightwalker, the woman they are all terrified of. I'm especially looking forward to Naruto's interactions with Edo Lucy and Lisanna (he will surely realize that she is from Earthland due to her magic). I also hope Naruto goes on to do his own thing at some point during this arc and doesn't just stick to canon.
Now, onto my one, for lack of a better term, complaint about this chapter: the new Kyuubi Cloak and Sage mode. I'll start with Sage Mode. Since when did it become dependent on Eternano? Sage Mode works by drawing in Nature Energy and mixing it with the user's chakra to create Sage Chakra. Eternano has nothing to do with it and since Nature Energy is the energy of the world itself, it should have been available even in Edolas. If, for whatever reason, Sage Mode has indeed become dependent on Eternano I think you should add an explanation in a later chapter.
Now, about the Kyuubi Cloak. While I do like the concept behind it, I don't think the reasoning behind it has been developed enough (though that might be because Naruto himself doesn't comprehend it yet) and it quite frankly feels a bit cheap. Firstly, I think we need an explanation as to what happened to the hatred caused by the cloak. We can see that it is still there, but why has it been so weakened? Since when does Eternano have "calming" properties? Some explanation would be nice. Now, my biggest concern is that, like I said, it feels a bit cheap and unearned. All of Naruto's power-ups have either required a huge amount of work to achieve or have an important drawback (intense training and time limit for Sage Mode, rage of Kyuubi Cloak, fighting Kurama for Kyuubi Chakra Mode, befriending Kurama and time limit for Bijuu Mode, straight up dying for So6P Mode). This golden cloak seems too perfect. Naruto didn't have to work for it, it has no serious drawbacks (the rage is no where near on the level of the old cloak) and offers a massive boost in strength. To me, such an easy power boost seems contrary to Naruto's hard work oriented character. IMHO you should give it some drawback that Naruto hasn't experienced yet (maybe it amplifies rage? So if you are calm, nothing happens, but the slightest bit of anger turns into a rampage. Dunno, you are the author :P ) and have him struggle to master it.
Anyway, this was a great chapter and I'm eagerly awaiting to see how Naruto will change this arc. Keep up the good work :)
P.S. You are in for a treat with the Tartaros Arc, personally I think it's the best arc in the entire series.
| DannyPhantom619 chapter 36 . 7/21
Woah...hope to see what happens next and maybe for Naruto to tease the "other" Erza.
| Zero-Tails317 chapter 35 . 7/20
Wonder how Edolas will handle a ninja in their world; especaily one like Naruto...
| Reine de la Mort chapter 17 . 7/19
Well, it's been nearly half of your currently-posted chapters so far, so now I can safely write a good, long, meaty review with lots of praise and complaints and stuff.
Firstly, the good news. I like your premise, your characterisation, and your narrative so far. You do have the rare gift of providing an engaging narrative that interests me. Though, much credit should be given to your beta readers, no doubt. It's always nice to read a story from an author who truly cares about their craft, enough to seek betas.
Unfortunately, good news comes paired with bad news like a right and left shoe, so I do have a lot of gripes that are really driving me up the wall as I read.
The first, I believe, is how the Naruto universe seems to have been largely dropped like a hot rock. At the start, we had Kakashi who made a resolution to send himself through with Kamui, but it's been 17 chapters and nothing has happened. We don't even know anything of what's happening back in Konoha, no scenes of the orher ninjas or anything. Naruto also seems to have largely forgotten about all his friends back home, which seems rather at odds with his canon characterisation. It's a huge question that really nags at me.
"Atleast". You keep on using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means. In fact, I'm fairly sure it doesn't mean anything at all. As far as I know, it means about as much as "afew", "alot", or "alittle". It makes my inner perfectionist cry.
You have a bad habit of describing every last detail of a character's appearance as they're introduced. This is extremely annoying, especially when we're in the middle of a fight or a climactic scene. I want to read an epic fight scene or at least some interesting exposition or interaction, not an entire paragraph of completely useless description that adds nothing to the story at all. I mean, this is a literary medium. I could not possibly care any less about the characters' appearances. Maybe it's just because you're writing this based on works that are in a visual medium. This kind of writing and chunky description seems to be more common in fanfiction of visual works.
Lastly, and perhaps most annoyingly of all, you keep on using the term "sweatdropped". I keep seeing it. Every time I see it, it just chips away at my patience until I have to put my phone down and go scream for a while.
The thing is, a sweat-drop is an extremely vague form of expression from a visual medium. I don't even fully understand what the hell a sweat-drop is supposed to mean. As far as I can tell in anime/manga, it's meant to represent a mixture of pity, incredulity, and confusion, in the, "I can't believe this idiot is doing this" kind of way.
You're writing. It's a literary medium. Just imagine if this was a live-action work. Trying to imagine real-life people "sweatdropping" just looks really stupid. Not to mention, since it's such a vague term, a vague expression that carries a lot of different meanings based on context, a lot of people can easily misinterpret it in many different ways. As for myself, most of the time, when you use it, I'm just confused and I have no idea what you were trying to convey. You should really stop using that expression and stick to more concrete, conventional words and descriptions.
| Zero-Tails317 chapter 31 . 7/19
Damn Naruto ALMOST got away with it! So close! And what's up with the change with kyuubi? Peep show, nice peep show. Very enjoyabe chapter, til my next revuew:-)
| asdfthecat chapter 36 . 7/18
dang! great story so far, if I do say so myself. hope to see another update soon! I have nothing else to say so, bye! (I'm so tired it's not even funny-wait, actually, it kinda is) .
| Ultimate Alcatraz chapter 36 . 7/12
Yes the Tartarous Arc was intense, brutal and exciting at new heights!
This chapter was great and fun. So now we're entering the Edolas arc, huh? Will Naruto meet up with Natsu and Happy and Wendy and Carla along the way? Or he will be on his own until the major battle later on?
Guess we have to wait and find out on our own, huh? Good luck and keep up the good work!