|Reviews for A New World, The Story Of A Lost Shinobi|
| Fan-Of-FictionX01 chapter 36 . 7/21/2015
Great chapter as always, and I'm very eager to see what you are going to do with the Edolas arc.
Firstly, I would like to applaud your stellar world building in this chapter. While it might not seem like a big deal, the addition of the lady fishing and the waiter at the cafe was a fantastic way of making the dimension of Edolas seem more alive. It is a reminder that there are still regular people in the world going about their every day lives and not everything revolves around mage battles and Fairy Tail. This feeling was further reinforced when you mentioned the economic implications (transport prices rising) of the world's magic disappearing and the effect it has on the people. It also explains that it is Faust's ability to procure magic for his people that has kept him in their good graces. Anyways, like I said, these small things were great for the setting and lore behind the narrative.
Another small thing that I appreciated about this chapter was the addition of that actually competent soldier. He managed to keep up with Naruto for a bit which was a great way to show that not all unnamed characters are fodder and added a degree of realism to the story. I hope to see him again at some point in this arc. So yeah, good job on that :P
The fight against Erza was, like all of your fights, a treat to read and it was nice to see him beat her so handily despite all her arrogance at the start. I can't wait to see her reaction when they inevitably meet again and I hope Naruto is one of the people that helps her turn over a new leaf at the end of the arc. On an unrelated note, the scene where he clamped his hand over her mouth gave me chills. Very well done.
The interactions with the Edolas guild members were also entertaining to read and I look forward to seeing how they will react once it truly hits them that Naruto beat Erza Knightwalker, the woman they are all terrified of. I'm especially looking forward to Naruto's interactions with Edo Lucy and Lisanna (he will surely realize that she is from Earthland due to her magic). I also hope Naruto goes on to do his own thing at some point during this arc and doesn't just stick to canon.
Now, onto my one, for lack of a better term, complaint about this chapter: the new Kyuubi Cloak and Sage mode. I'll start with Sage Mode. Since when did it become dependent on Eternano? Sage Mode works by drawing in Nature Energy and mixing it with the user's chakra to create Sage Chakra. Eternano has nothing to do with it and since Nature Energy is the energy of the world itself, it should have been available even in Edolas. If, for whatever reason, Sage Mode has indeed become dependent on Eternano I think you should add an explanation in a later chapter.
Now, about the Kyuubi Cloak. While I do like the concept behind it, I don't think the reasoning behind it has been developed enough (though that might be because Naruto himself doesn't comprehend it yet) and it quite frankly feels a bit cheap. Firstly, I think we need an explanation as to what happened to the hatred caused by the cloak. We can see that it is still there, but why has it been so weakened? Since when does Eternano have "calming" properties? Some explanation would be nice. Now, my biggest concern is that, like I said, it feels a bit cheap and unearned. All of Naruto's power-ups have either required a huge amount of work to achieve or have an important drawback (intense training and time limit for Sage Mode, rage of Kyuubi Cloak, fighting Kurama for Kyuubi Chakra Mode, befriending Kurama and time limit for Bijuu Mode, straight up dying for So6P Mode). This golden cloak seems too perfect. Naruto didn't have to work for it, it has no serious drawbacks (the rage is no where near on the level of the old cloak) and offers a massive boost in strength. To me, such an easy power boost seems contrary to Naruto's hard work oriented character. IMHO you should give it some drawback that Naruto hasn't experienced yet (maybe it amplifies rage? So if you are calm, nothing happens, but the slightest bit of anger turns into a rampage. Dunno, you are the author :P ) and have him struggle to master it.
Anyway, this was a great chapter and I'm eagerly awaiting to see how Naruto will change this arc. Keep up the good work :)
P.S. You are in for a treat with the Tartaros Arc, personally I think it's the best arc in the entire series.
| DannyPhantom619 chapter 36 . 7/21/2015
Woah...hope to see what happens next and maybe for Naruto to tease the "other" Erza.
| Zero-Tails317 chapter 35 . 7/20/2015
Wonder how Edolas will handle a ninja in their world; especaily one like Naruto...
| Reine de la Mort chapter 17 . 7/19/2015
Well, it's been nearly half of your currently-posted chapters so far, so now I can safely write a good, long, meaty review with lots of praise and complaints and stuff.
Firstly, the good news. I like your premise, your characterisation, and your narrative so far. You do have the rare gift of providing an engaging narrative that interests me. Though, much credit should be given to your beta readers, no doubt. It's always nice to read a story from an author who truly cares about their craft, enough to seek betas.
Unfortunately, good news comes paired with bad news like a right and left shoe, so I do have a lot of gripes that are really driving me up the wall as I read.
The first, I believe, is how the Naruto universe seems to have been largely dropped like a hot rock. At the start, we had Kakashi who made a resolution to send himself through with Kamui, but it's been 17 chapters and nothing has happened. We don't even know anything of what's happening back in Konoha, no scenes of the orher ninjas or anything. Naruto also seems to have largely forgotten about all his friends back home, which seems rather at odds with his canon characterisation. It's a huge question that really nags at me.
"Atleast". You keep on using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means. In fact, I'm fairly sure it doesn't mean anything at all. As far as I know, it means about as much as "afew", "alot", or "alittle". It makes my inner perfectionist cry.
You have a bad habit of describing every last detail of a character's appearance as they're introduced. This is extremely annoying, especially when we're in the middle of a fight or a climactic scene. I want to read an epic fight scene or at least some interesting exposition or interaction, not an entire paragraph of completely useless description that adds nothing to the story at all. I mean, this is a literary medium. I could not possibly care any less about the characters' appearances. Maybe it's just because you're writing this based on works that are in a visual medium. This kind of writing and chunky description seems to be more common in fanfiction of visual works.
Lastly, and perhaps most annoyingly of all, you keep on using the term "sweatdropped". I keep seeing it. Every time I see it, it just chips away at my patience until I have to put my phone down and go scream for a while.
The thing is, a sweat-drop is an extremely vague form of expression from a visual medium. I don't even fully understand what the hell a sweat-drop is supposed to mean. As far as I can tell in anime/manga, it's meant to represent a mixture of pity, incredulity, and confusion, in the, "I can't believe this idiot is doing this" kind of way.
You're writing. It's a literary medium. Just imagine if this was a live-action work. Trying to imagine real-life people "sweatdropping" just looks really stupid. Not to mention, since it's such a vague term, a vague expression that carries a lot of different meanings based on context, a lot of people can easily misinterpret it in many different ways. As for myself, most of the time, when you use it, I'm just confused and I have no idea what you were trying to convey. You should really stop using that expression and stick to more concrete, conventional words and descriptions.
| Zero-Tails317 chapter 31 . 7/19/2015
Damn Naruto ALMOST got away with it! So close! And what's up with the change with kyuubi? Peep show, nice peep show. Very enjoyabe chapter, til my next revuew:-)
| asdfthecat chapter 36 . 7/18/2015
dang! great story so far, if I do say so myself. hope to see another update soon! I have nothing else to say so, bye! (I'm so tired it's not even funny-wait, actually, it kinda is) .
| Ultimate Alcatraz chapter 36 . 7/12/2015
Yes the Tartarous Arc was intense, brutal and exciting at new heights!
This chapter was great and fun. So now we're entering the Edolas arc, huh? Will Naruto meet up with Natsu and Happy and Wendy and Carla along the way? Or he will be on his own until the major battle later on?
Guess we have to wait and find out on our own, huh? Good luck and keep up the good work!
| horseshit chapter 29 . 7/9/2015
To the highest degree. Narutos not fast enough to stop that other bitch from being chked unconcious. I CALL BULLSHIT
| kairi loves sora chapter 36 . 7/9/2015
Ha! Love both fights. When he was fighting the guards could he have had the decency to make it look like he was trying at least. Love when he spotted Erza he had no idea what was going on. What was that thing that happened with the cloak. That was strange is it because of the Ethonano running low there? Love his encounter with Lucy. That was so funny. Where are the dragon slayers? And I can't believe that Naruto made that much of a racket that Fairy Tail found him. Looking forward to the next chapter.
| LightningX678 chapter 36 . 7/8/2015
u seriously need to read the manga
i assure you it's much better than the shitty animation of the new Fairy Tail
and those boring episodes from Fairy Tail are fillers mostly
| Kyrial Arthian chapter 36 . 7/3/2015
Heh, it's funny you say you're too lazy to read the manga, since I'm usually too lazy to watch the anime. I mean, I got into the series because of the anime, and I still look up my favorite moments from the manga in the anime, but the manga only takes like 3-5 minutes to read a chapter, while the anime is ~24 minutes per episode. :P But I can't stand the filler arcs in the anime. Probably that's what was going on that was making you think the plot was shallow and unplanned (I'm guessing; like I said, I don't keep up with the anime much). The Tartarus arc is pretty awesome. I honestly thought the series was going to end at the end of that arc, but now it's in a totally new arc that's looking pretty awesome too. One of my favorite things is that at some point in the Tartarus arc, Lucy started actually fighting and being useful instead of just sorta hanging around as a spectator. I always liked Lucy, but I know a lot of people don't because of how she's never of any use when the action is going down.
This fic is kinda making me want to go back and rewatch the Edolas arc. I only remember a few details about it...
| ViodeOfNexus chapter 36 . 7/2/2015
I have just read you're amazing story from beginning to end in four days, I have been reading fanfiction for a long time now, I believe it's the six year mark next month. I was really starting to believe I was scraping the bottom of the barrel lately so to read your story was an absolute treat.
I cannot wait for the next chapter and will be watching my inbox closely.
| Markus-Antonius chapter 36 . 7/2/2015
Nice job as always!
| Have a Little Feith chapter 36 . 7/1/2015
Was "Tartarous" (You're certain it's not "Tartarus", right?) the Nirvana Arc? If not, it's just justified filler, for the Manga to catch up. Also, reading the manga takes less time than watching the Anime does, except if you're a slow reader, but honestly, it really shouldn't take more than 30 seconds per panel. I don't watch Anime that I've read the manga for, as the anime will almost always has filler that the Manga didn't, with the possible exception being SAO. I have read the light novels, however. They actually got most of the details dead on for SAO, though.
| T-manboy chapter 19 . 7/1/2015
It's tropes not troupe!