Reviews for The Toes of Potay
Crystal M. Key chapter 9 . 2/11/2013
This was amusing. Thanks! Favorite quotes:

"So, are you here for the potato festival?" Jack asked again, sidling flirtatiously up next to Martha.

"Cut it out," snapped the Doctor impatiently.

"What?" said Jack, forcing some semblance of innocence onto his face. "It's just a question. Are you or aren't you?"

"We aren't," said the Doctor. He held up his red plastic basket. "We're here for the chips."

"Ah," Jack nodded. "Lisson Grove. That was my first trip back to the twenty-first century, for practice jumping in crowds. Those were some delicious fries."

The Doctor offered the basket and Jack took a chip and popped it in his mouth. "Mmm. Heavenly."

Martha shuddered and gagged. Jack grinned at the Doctor. "You tell her about the Potay?" The Doctor nodded. "Yeah, covered that my first semester of galactic history. No one ate cafeteria food for weeks."

"What about after?" asked Martha.

Jack shrugged. "We got hungry. And broke."

"Doctor," she called, dropping the potato down to him, and then landing lightly after it. The Doctor inspected the potato with his screwdriver. "I don't think…" he said slowly, "people should be eating these."

"Mind if I do a taste test?" asked Jack, holding out his hand.

"But what if it's poisonous?" said Martha nervously.

"That's kind of what I meant."

As they crossed to the trailer, Martha said, "That man said the Potay took the Ecuador shipment."

"That's assuming it was the Potay," Jack pointed out.

"It was," said the Doctor. "The Potay had good relations with the Time Lords. We shared technology. The Potay probably has a matter transmitter." Stopped walking, his sharp eyes roving all around the area. "Which means he's close."

"But he just took the Ecuador shipment," said Martha, "So maybe he does know his toes landed in South America."

"Right!" cried the Doctor wildly, pointing at Martha. "Good. Deductive reasoning!" He stared at her a moment. "Nope. We need to…" he frowned at Jack. "Human!" he shouted. "How many toes have you got?"

"Ten," said Jack, concerned.

"TEN! Good." The Doctor was breathing hard. "We need to talk to Mr. Pata." He wheeled about and sprinted to the trailer.

"Proof!" cried Jack. He marched forward and snatched the potato out of the Doctor's hand, and took a bite.

"Jack!" Martha screamed. "NO!" she ran toward him, but the Doctor, taking the cue, held her back. She pulled against his grip for a moment, then stilled as all eyes focused on Jack. He swallowed. And dropped to the floor.

"NO!" Martha buried her face in the Doctor's coat, sobbing loudly, pounding her fists against his chest. The Doctor wrapped his arms around her. He was staring at Jack's body as though unable to believe what he'd just seen. Slowly, Pata bent to the ground and held to fingers against Jack's throat, then straightened, considerably paler.

"How's that for proof?" the Doctor snapped, still holding Martha. "How many more people have to die?"

Pata turned to the lab assistant nearest him. "Seal off the warehouse. Send word to the Council. And you," he said to the other. "Call an ambulance."

"It's too late for him," said the Doctor grimly. "He gave his life for London. Make sure it wasn't in vain."

He led Martha out, using his body to help conceal her tear-less face until they were clear of the scene.

"Now what?" asked Martha. "How're we gonna get Jack out of the morgue?"

"He's died plenty of times," the Doctor assured her. "He's got experience in getting out of morgues. We," he took her hand, "are going Potay hunting."


"Well, maintenance tunnels. He doesn't-"

"Crap!" Without warning, Jack grabbed the Doctor's lapels, pulling him close, and pressed their lips together, at the same time spinning their entwined bodies around so they had switched places.

The Doctor's eyes widened in alarm. "Mmm!"

Jack released him, looking over the Doctor's shoulder. He was breathing distinctly harder than he had been a moment before. "Sorry. I saw one of the aids from the trailer, couldn't let them see my face. Might have something to say about my being alive."

The Doctor nodded, still looking extremely bewildered. "Right. Good." He adjusted his jacket and cleared his throat. "So, shall we?"

Jack grinned. "After you, Doc."
Slenderlock chapter 9 . 4/8/2012
Hmmm tell that to the spud. Anyways, I suppose I should be honest. All I read was your author's notes and the last quarter of chapter nine. You are very amusing, dear. Also, I'm going to put in some shameless self-promotion and plead for reviews on A Study In Writing (particularly the last chapter).

Oh, wait! I did read part of whichever chapter had Jack randomly kiss the Doctor, but didn't really know what the hell was going on because I hadn't read the rest of it. Or if that relationship was supposed to go anywhere or not.

Cheerio, and think of a banana. Or anything, as long as it's curved-actually, no, it's not curved at all so FORGET THE BANANA.

Sincerely, With love, Bananas, and Hugs,

TheShadowArchitect chapter 5 . 3/17/2012
You are a genius. The fact that you extrapolated an entire storyline from that one comment, and then proceeded to keep it going, and also taunt us with horrible cliffhangers. Grrr. Oh, and your writing's good too ;)
DawnCandace chapter 5 . 3/17/2012
Really curious to know what Spud looks like now. I wonder how he survives so long?
angnay chapter 4 . 3/15/2012
This is a great story and really good. With the author notes thing was funny. The story is what matter.
DawnCandace chapter 3 . 3/15/2012
This has been very cute and fun so far. Wondering what Potays look like!
Kira chapter 3 . 3/15/2012
This is hillarious. I like how you've built this story around your Dad's silly comment :D
ladykoons chapter 3 . 3/14/2012
I will never look at a potato the same again.