|Reviews for Memories|
| Guest chapter 1 . 7/27/2012
| Dudett127 chapter 1 . 7/12/2012
| DBZfan120 chapter 1 . 4/25/2012
Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww, this is a great story, Bulma and vegeta are my favorite couple. Write more stories like this.
P.s. if you could read my new story "The last of the saiyans" I know its kind of a cheap way to get readers but I can't get many people to review.
| RaiynetheHedgehog chapter 1 . 4/13/2012
Hmm, I like! Even though I think Vegeta and Bulma got married BEFORE the while Buu incident (read the manga, book 26. Remember in the Buu saga when Goku accidentally let it slip to Vegeta that he was gonna let the old Kai kiss Bulma, and Vegeta got SUPER pissed off? Well, in the book, Goku was gonna give 'naughty pictures' of Bulma to the Old Kai instead, and, when Vegeta found out, he yelled, "SHE'S *MY* WIFE! GIVE HIM A PICTURE OF YOUR *OWN* WIFE!" So that's why I think they were married. And if you read the manga, ignore my whole rant over there XD), I like what you did. It was really nice, just minor punctuation errors, but I've read 'Fake', and you've improved. So, I like this! XD nice job
| Torch-of-Darkness chapter 1 . 4/6/2012
awesome story I really like how you got your inspiration for the story from a pic ]
| tapion580 chapter 1 . 4/3/2012
Wow! Only one review! That's sad, anyway I feel your pain, I didn't have that many reviews when I started either so yeah. I really have been wanting to read this fanfic but others kept me busy. Anyway, well done and very well written, I like this story and ideally hope you can continue it. I always love a good V/B wedding or romance fanfic. Well done! 9001/5 stars
| Prince VegetaXPrincess Bulma chapter 1 . 3/30/2012
Nice story. Here are my favourite parts on Vegeta and Bulma;
1. The part when they get married.
2. Bulma's reaction when Goku admitted Vegeta died. (Really dramatic)
3. When Bulma breaks up with Yamcha and Vegeta comes in and saves the day.
| SevenEnvelopes chapter 1 . 3/18/2012
Firstly, I do suggest that you stop adding AN's in your fic demanding reviews. I'm pretty sure we've all been there, frustrated by a lack of response, but there is very little else that is more tacky or a greater turn-off than to see it in a fic. Just continue to write, continue to improve, and people will start to come on their own. Besides, as you only have three things published on this site, suggesting that you are new, having little feedback is only to be expected and is the same for everyone when they first start out, so this is where patience needs to come into play.
Anyway, moving on:
To your summary, you wrote, "Its bulma and Vegeta's wedding day! But saddly, memories of her past may keep her from enjoying it ..."
It should be, "It's Bulma and Vegeta's wedding day! But sadly, memories of her past may keep her from enjoying it ..."
It is "sadly" and not "saddly". Names are always capitalized, which is why Bulma's must be, and "its" in this case is meant to be "it's" as what you are saying is that IT IS Bulma and Vegeta's wedding day. As such, "its" here is a contraction, resulting in the necessary apostrophe.
To your fic itself:
1. Do not - absolutely do not - write your fic in bold. It is TERRIBLE on the eyes and positively unsightly, and there is nothing wrong with normal text.
2. Speech shouldn't be italicized - I mean, think about some published books that you've read; do you see the authors in there writing in bold and speaking through italics? Very likely not. The same goes for the majority of fanfiction you've read, because I know that personally, in my experience, I have not come across many stories in the aforementioned style you've used, and the ones that I have stumbled across have not done very well, for the most part.
Simply, this is one of those instances that observation comes in handy.
3. Do not - and this is even more fiercely expressed than my previous points - insert authors notes in the middle of your fic. DO NOT. It is SO distracting and every time I see this in a story, I cringe and force myself to not hit the back button (if it's an instance such as this one, I mean, in which I mean to review afterward). Honestly, this is one of the worst things an author could do, and I am well aware that I am not the only person who things this.
4. When a person has spoken, there is always, always, ALWAYS punctuation added between the last letter and the quotation mark, and while I see that you generally are able to properly express this rule when you are asking a question, et cetera, there are instance where you do not.
This: "I do" Bulma replied, not daring to hesitate. She loved Vegeta more than her own life.
Should be this: "I do," Bulma replied, not daring to hesitate. She loved Vegeta more than her own life.
See? You just need a comma. Pick up a book, look through it until you find dialogue and see for yourself that this is how it's done.
5. Then vs. Than (as I notice that there is a place or two where you've confused them):
You would use "then" in situations where you are talking about, for example, a chain of events, such as: "We went out to dinner and THEN we walked through the park" or "I had said that I would be going to the party but THEN I changed my mind".
"Than", however, is used when you are talking about amounts, for example. "I like the taste of my mom's food more THAN I like my own" or "I would rather go to the Zoo THAN the Aquarium". "Than" would even be used in you bottom AN, where you write, "i want better treatment then that." It should be, "I want better treatment than that."
6. Now, this is just something I noticed, but during the flashback, when Bulma learns of Vegeta's death and you write that "she ran away, and ran until she could run no more", I have to point out that at this time she and the rest of the group were situated on the Lookout, which would technically make running very far impossible. I realize that this is a small thing but I personally believe that a writer should make every effort to be as thorough in their work as they can, so. Perhaps you could tweak that a bit, say instead that she stood in shock until her legs could support her no longer and she fell to her knees, or something along the lines. I think it would fit better.
Anyway, despite the length of this so far, you story is not in the least bit bad, at least in its writing. The format - aside from the excessive bolding and italics, but the structure itself - are fine, there aren't a large amount of spelling and grammar mistakes, and colour me surprised but there is actually an attempt at description in here, which is something I've not had the fortune to come across too much today in what I've read and reviewed, so there's no reason to feel bad about this. However, that said, there is no reason to improve it and to take what I've just told you and apply it to your future work. After all, it's always nice to know that you've improved at something, isn't it? Besides, if you are really so set on getting as many reviews as possible, making the corrections I've pointed out will help, because there are many people such as myself who immediately get turned away by the aforementioned errors.
Anyway, good job and good luck.
| maddiethevampire chapter 1 . 3/15/2012
Dawwww... that was cute. I love it when people hate on Yamacha. I'm a big fan of BxV. I found myself wishing it was longer.
| Sky Daybreak chapter 1 . 3/14/2012
Awe! So sweet. I love picturing Vegeta say "I do." EHHH! *squeals!* :-) Thanks!
| cara9001 chapter 1 . 3/13/2012
Nice story _
| star870 chapter 1 . 3/12/2012
This was quit, But good.
| KimiruMai chapter 1 . 3/12/2012
aaww that was cuteeee :3