|Reviews for Roused|
| Pearl Bramble of Willowbottom chapter 110 . 3/6
The princesses using a secret animal language, that's perfect! Now I know why the princesses can speak to the animals and the animals can talk back; that might also be because they were once human and got turned into animals. Anyway, great way to bring the two girls closer together through a shared skill. Hey, maybe Rapunzel and Aurora can teach soldiers how to use animal-speak as a secret language.
| Pearl Bramble of Willowbottom chapter 109 . 3/6
You bring up a good question, what if Aurora had been born a boy? According to Disney, Rapunzel was born in the middle of May, if she's six months older than Aurora, then Aurora would have been born in December but it's clearly summer or early fall in the Sleeping Beauty movie, considering when berries form, so I don't think Rapunzel and Aurora would be six months apart. I know how frustrating technicalities of stories can be, keep rewriting, though, that's the only way you get better at becoming an author. Besides that, your story is wonderful.
| Pearl Bramble of Willowbottom chapter 108 . 3/6
Aurora's knowledge of the forest and the Forbidden Mountain would be very useful in ending the war with the goons, once and for all. I always wondered what happened to the goons after Maleficent died and the idea that they would wage war on the humans is very plausible. It's also plausible that not all of the neighboring kingdoms would believe goons would cause so much trouble, I wonder what would convince those kingdoms to come help. Prince Phillip and Prince Eugene would need a lot of armies to defeat the goons, I'd think. Maybe a painting of the battles taking place, as well as a detailed, accurate description of the events would persuade the rulers.
| Pearl Bramble of Willowbottom chapter 87 . 3/5
I still love your story, the only problem I'm noticing is your switch from past tense to present tense every other chapter and sometimes every other paragraph. If there can be some consistency in which tense you use, that would really help the reader not get so confused.
| Pearl Bramble of Willowbottom chapter 47 . 3/4
What is that kind of relationship worth to two people who were raised like they were? That deep of friendship means everything to those two people, after they were already betrayed. Thank you so much for writing about such a deep and serious subject, having gone through my own personal traumas, I really appreciate this story.
| Pearl Bramble of Willowbottom chapter 18 . 3/2
I love your story so far, my only correction is that Rapunzel's mother's name is Arianna and her father's name is Fredrick, according to Disney.
| Black' Victor Cachat chapter 61 . 1/14
Yeah, the Stabington brothers got off lightly some could say
| Black' Victor Cachat chapter 39 . 1/14
Love the call to action by the animals!
| Unther chapter 153 . 8/27/2016
I like the introductory paragraphs. They sort of felt like some of that audio commentary for deleted scenes that we see on some DVD's.
I really think the hammerspace would have been loads of fun. Depending on how it was used, it could have made for a lot of interesting moments, both comical and decidedly less so.
"...finer points of apple eating..." Snicker! I also like "Apple Incident" as an inside not-so-joke.
Rapunzel's tantrum...oh, dear. That felt tense.
Rapunzel's MOTHER was blushing after that. Snicker.
Good points on needing food as building blocks, though. I like how you use that and the reading material as the trigger for finding a problem.
On being ravenous because of needing to "stock up." I don't thing it works that way. On the other hand, Rapunzel probably would know that.
"...I look like a doe in heat, all the time." Sporfle! I think you should have kept that line.
Boy, that sounds like quite the situation. Kind of like having a Deltan female as a member of the crew, ja?
A squirrel uses Aurora's hammerspace as storage? Wow!
That hammerspace scene is just as funny as it was the first time you shared it! Although it could also be really disturbing-as in, what if a person going in there turns into something sexual? Cringe!
Ja, I need to do more with the hammerspace element in my own stories. It's just too much fun!
Because princesses don't sweat! Har, har, har! One of my grade school teachers insisted that "Horses sweat, men perspire, and ladies glow." She was adamant about it!
The rope scene was cute, too.
I seem to recall telling you at one point that titles like king, princess, etc. should always be capitalized. However, while reading through a book on the Norman Conquest, I noticed something. Whenever the title immediately preceded a name, King Harold, Earl Morcar, etc., the title was always capitalized. When mentioning the earl of Mercia or the duke of Normandy, it never was. It was also capitalized in Henry, King of the Franks, or Duncan King of Scots.
Okay, so...phew! It took a lot longer to read this story than it really should have. Blame it on the distrac...SQUIRREL! Ahem. Anyway, a few overall thoughts:
You have a knack for wringing the emotion out of just about anything.
In several places, subsequent chapters should have been joined together, particularly when one chapter was a continuation of the same scene, and sometimes the same conversation.
You had a persistent problem with run-on sentences and comma-fu.
There were probably others, but they're not coming to mind right now. But they were some recurring things I'd noticed from the first half-dozen chapters. I suppose they'll come up in messaging threads.
| Unther chapter 152 . 8/27/2016
Ah, so the Lock Guard aren't quite as secret as I'd kind of inferred.
You overdid it with the commas.
Kings and queens, plural? Oh, wait...I re-read that and they're out-of-kingdom.
So why is the one maid crying and what is it they need to tell the royals? There seems to be a logic jump here.
Hurling up a 5-year-old breakfast? Okay, I think I know what you're doing with this metaphor, but there's something off about it.
Hobgoblins? I thought they were all goons.
I'm sensing that you wanted to put in subsection markers, but ff net kaboshed the symbols you were using.
Would Margaret have been able to see anything if she HAD looked back?
Not allowed to be sorry. I REALLY like that.
You have a couple of sentences in the last two paragraphs that need capitalization.
| Unther chapter 151 . 8/27/2016
Why are the stacks of paper relevant?
Should be, "...that she instantly knew..."
Should probably be, "...same color that her own magic hair had been." Otherwise, it's potentially confusing which 'her' you mean in which part of the sentence.
So far, I like this version. The looking at each other through the mirror glass. Aurora's even outwardly apathy. It just feels ever so slightly tense.
Should be "...an old woman found..."
Flower power! Heh...that just gave me an idea for a modern AU that takes place in the '60's. Zoiks!
I like what you do with Rapunzel's diction as she tells her own story.
"...all of summer wrapping into a little ball." Great metaphor!
In one paragraph, Rapunzel says they didn't betray Aurora. But a couple later, she says they did. It's a bit confusing.
Didn't Rapunzel mention the glowy, healing hair earlier?
The bit about Rapunzel's name made me chuckle.
I REALLY like this version of their meeting! And you say it's an earlier version? It needs to go in there. It's well-composed and nicely fills in some of the gaps I remember noticing from that part of the larger story.
| Unther chapter 150 . 8/27/2016
Heh. Being the subject of your own ballad has to be surreal, especially when other people add to your tale. Never mind that it started as a fictional character taken on as an alter-ego.
Dragon fire. Oh, now, that sounds...ehem...interesting.
Ja, I guess Eugene wasn't a virgin before meeting Rapunzel. I wrote him like that because I'm a romantic that way. But realistically, given his background, nope, highly unlikely.
It had made a lot of father happy. Sporffle!
Should be "...had led us into..."
That's almost TMI. "She can scream really loud." "With Hook-Hand banging the piano, who'd know?" LOL!
Eugene had blacked out? Really?
"Shall we chase them down?" Snicker.
This chapter made me smile. Funny, cute, all of that.
Most of your Author's Note on this one was relevant.
| Unther chapter 149 . 8/14/2016
Oh, THAT snake. It took me until the second paragraph to realise where you were going with that. Methinks that's normal for the rest of us, too.
Probably should be "Mom, Mama, and Z..." using the Oxford comma. I'd also forgotten about that particular nickname.
Oh, so you have Rapunzel give Aurora "The Talk?" Wow.
To be fair, even having sex in the buff was rarely done in Period and mainly because of concerns about contracting illness from being cold. So, ja, doing it more or less fully clothed was a historical reality.
Geez, no wonder she has anxiety over her birthday suit!
I totally get the social overload thing!
"We're going to have our own..." should be part of the previous paragraph.
I love it that Aurora's barefooted at her wedding!
Raised ALL of them. Snicker!
That's an interesting insinuation of what transpired on Eugene and Rapunzel's wedding night. Mine was a bit different, what with my Rapunzel always grabbing life by the lips and yanking.
Makes me think a little about the sorts of things I might want to includein Anna's and Elsa's respective wedding nights.
| Unther chapter 148 . 8/6/2016
Wow, there's some wonderful imagery in this chapter. It's especially effective with the first-person active voice.
Is she still barefooted?
Archdeacon? Shouldn't it be Archbishop?
Aw, another adorable chapter.
| Unther chapter 147 . 8/6/2016
It might not be strictly necessary to refer to Rapunzel as "the Princess Rapunzel" so often in the same several paragraphs. It feels awfully formal.
The children? Which children?
The detail of Aurora dressing herself-that's still one of those leftovers from her upbringing, right?
Entranced? Oh, right...he's telling them a story.
I love how you tie Eugene's closing monologue from "Tangled" into this scene.
"...the start of a new adventure." Aw, that was absolutely adorable. I can see how the story could close here.