|Reviews for Roused|
| Unther chapter 145 . 7/23
Should be "...she slid into..."
Beer for Eugene, goat milk for Rapunzel. Huh.
Is Shorty perpetually drunk?
Should probably be "...had proven to be..."
Oh, dear. That's a rough one. And so Shorty crawled into the bottle. As an aside, is there a particular reason Shorty hadn't tried to drag them out of the flames?
"I am about as happy as I can stand here." Huh?
Well...ja, it's kinda dark. Why were you scared of this chapter, though?
| Unther chapter 144 . 7/23
Should be "Their bodies..."
Is Rapunzel talking about being good because she wants to bring honor to her siblings' memories, or because of the common misconception that being good will get you into heaven?
"...laid kisses on each name." That's so sweet.
Odd that she misses her deceased siblings like she misses Aurora, seeing as how she never had a relationship with them.
Not the right shape for hugging. Snicker.
The doll exchange was cute.
| Unther chapter 143 . 7/7
Keeper of the crypts...wow, that's a cheery occupation.
If you meant the past tense of 'lead,' it should be 'led.'
I had to read the first couple of paragraphs a couple of times before I realized that the niches are holding the bodies, not the people.
That's so sad!
That's an interesting note on handling the dead. Many American Indian people believe the dead should be left for coyotes and such.
That's a pretty awkward moment for Aurora, for sure.
Didn't she grow up sleeping in an empty bed?
| Unther chapter 142 . 7/7
Mom should probably be capitalized here, since it's being used as a name.
That's an interesting tradition. How did you arrive at the multicolored thing?
Uh-oh. Isn't James dead?
"...hopefully he'd be home soon, as she pulled..." Um...is this meant to be part of an internal monologue? If so, it would be a good idea to specify that.
When writing one's thoughts, italics is usually the standard. The quotation marks are superfluous, since they denote speaking.
Rapunzel's declaration to Sandra felt a bit too abrupt. Isn't there usually some sort of lead-in to this sort of thing?
About the bodies being interred...how long has it been since they died? A week at this point? Longer?
Poor Sandra! Sniff!
Why is Gabriel relevant to Sandra?
Wow, that was quite the response.
Rapunzel wishes for nightmares? Dang.
Eugene doesn't trust Taygon? Or doesn't trust Forrester? And why?
| Unther chapter 141 . 6/21
That first sentence is kind of clumsy. It really ought to be split up and reworded a bit.
Also, I take this chapter and the one before are kind of unwinding chapters. But I'm not clear why, in the context of the overall narrative, we went to the cottage in the last chapter, nor why we've suddenly jumped back to the castle in this one.
Oh, that's an adorable image, Aurora and Rapunzel with paint splattered all over themselves.
Eugene missed the ocean? I thought he was a landlubber.
A boar hunt. Wow, those never end badly.
Talking more than hunting...kind of like guys on a fishing boat, eh?
A FEW boars? Even one of those things would be quite enough.
As in, Eugene would have been badly gored if not for his armor?
Should be "...girls had sent..." You used the possessive.
Adventure Room? And they hadn't just had enough adventure for a while?
Oh, wait...so it's more like the Bayeux Tapestry, but as a mural. Neat!
Interesting how Aurora recognizes that Maleficent was trying to use her to enact her vengeance.
Fire-sister...I like that!
| Unther chapter 140 . 6/21
I can imagine the cake having spoiled and/or been eaten by rodents.
I don't recall Philip having fought goons in the cottage. And shouldn't there be even more things broken?
Fauna offers them stale, rotten, fermented, bug-and-rat-eaten cake? Ick!
Rapunzel's experience with that has to do with suddenly not having to compensate for all that hair, right?
Why would Pascal squeak a warning unless he sensed or smelled something?
They're going to get sour stomachs.
| Unther chapter 139 . 6/17
How do they know the Princess saved them? When last they knew, she'd vanished and the army was marching off to battle. How would they know the magic unleashed had anything to do with her?
Heh. I like how Aurora and Rapunzel communicate in animal speech.
That little girl is cute.
And what of Maleficent? What happened to her?
Not quite as beautiful? That's an effect of the magic? Same with the apparent loss of coordination? But those gifts weren't from Maleficent. Anyhow, what with those gifts gone, is she going to have to re-learn some things?
| Unther chapter 138 . 6/14
"...it's us, the three good fairies!"
Would they really say it that way? I know such wording is common in the fairy tales themselves, but it feels unnatural here.
Forbidden Mt. explodes. Um...aren't they all ON it at the time? And aren't Aurora and Celestina also on it?
Hubert only sighs about this? His daughter's at ground zero and he only SIGHS?
Maybe move the block "The engineers had just...rescue party reined to a stop." to right after "...army of war chariots." I think it flows better to describe all this, and THEN go into the characters' reactions to it.
I can totally visualize the progress of that shockwave. Almost like a nuclear blast, it is. And I presume that its effect on those closest to the mountain is mitigated by the physics of shockwaves?
Oh, and would it hurt people's ears, too?
The words Aurora speaks upon waking feel unnatural. I'd expect her to be initially disoriented, certainly in some amount of pain because, dang, that had to hurt.
Z? She calls Rapunzel Z?
Wept the wages of winning... interesting phrasing.
| Unther chapter 137 . 6/5
It's interesting that both Aurora and Celestina are blondes. Was that intentional?
So Maleficent's plan is kind of, "Choose, or I will choose for you?"
Wait...is this more of that dichotomy of identity?
She...destroys the staff? Even after her transformation? Is that transformation lasting? If so, how will she deal with it?
I like how you illustrate the Truth hitting home for her.
This is one of those chapters in which the jumping about between POV and tense is a little disorienting.
I chuckled over your Author's Note. I'd have laughed even more if you'd included a Darth Vader line or two in this or the previous chapter.
| Unther chapter 136 . 5/20
It's Samson and Maximus, Samson and Maximus, and it's Samson...BY A NOSE! Somehow, that first paragraph reminded me of a horse race commentator.
Leah's there, too? I thought she was back at the castle.
It's really eerie when a full moon lights everything, but leaves other things in outer shadow.
I guess one does not simply walk into Forbidden Mountain.
I could feel the tension from all the expectation of violence. Everyone expects the stuff to hit the fan at any moment.
I caught the shift in location this time.
See lightning and hear thunder? That's an odd expression.
The castle has bathrooms?
It's starting to feel a bit like Helm's Deep just before the Uruk-hai arrive.
Next shift in location back to Aurora. She's using the Briar Rose identity. It's interesting how you handle that.
No wonder Celestina is bitter. Kind of reminds me of what Hines did with the Talia character.
"The truth points to itself." -Kosh
Maleficent is trying to seduce Aurora to the Dark Side!
Uh...oh. Darth Auroris!
| Unther chapter 135 . 4/20
This is another chapter that feels like a continuation of the one before.
"The world is ankle deep in princesses." Nice.
I'm beginning to see that to Maleficent, Aurora's kingdom is a sort of collateral damage, and that humans are pawns to her.
Your Author's Note made me chuckle.
| Unther chapter 134 . 4/20
Wow, those first couple of paragraphs paint a vivid reversal!
"...in ways best not contemplated too deeply." Cringe!
Crush your enemies. See then driven before you. Hear the lamentation of the women.
That's an interesting philosophy Maleficent has.
This chapter was very well-written.
| Unther chapter 133 . 3/26
At first, I thought this was going to be a chapter told from the horses' POV. Which could have been cute. Now I see that it's another chapter that bounces around a bunch without markers for each shift in location.
You change tenses a couple of times.
I could feel the soldiers' tension, too. That kind of waiting for the stuff to hit the fan wears on a person and the longer the wait, the worse it is. Especially when they're working frantically when the don't know that they can actually relax.
The dialogue in this chapter feels kind of stiff.
I really liked Aurora's introspection. How she's fully aware of what she's done, that she didn't just unleash magic the way one of us might toss a hand grenade, she deliberately did what she did. She felt the pulses of the creatures she extinguished, practically felt their bodies smashed into the ground, and knew exactly how many of them there had been. That's pretty heavy and it palpably weighs on her. Great description of the carnage in the courtyard-not a lot of verbage, but enough to let me fill in the blanks.
But Rapunzel didn't actually kill Gothel. If anything, Eugene did, and Pascal merely half-selected the location.
Maleficent's in there? Huh. I mean, I knew she had survived, or at least had been reincarnated or something, since she appears in your sequel. Now I need to know how she happened to be there.
And the tone Aurora uses...is that like Hannibal Lecter's "Hello, Clarice?"
| Unther chapter 132 . 2/16
Now, there's a man who truly understands the curse, "May you live in interesting times."
Wait...he doesn't like excitement, but he enjoys it? Isn't that contradictory?
What's the point of living, if you can't feel alive?
Why do we suddenly jump from the Sgt. to Stefan and Phillip?
Phew! Ja, I bet that WAS exhausting! All magic comes with a price.
| Unther chapter 131 . 2/13
That first line is someone of an understatement. See, even I could have told him that was a bad idea!
"...ripple in an ocean." Great imagery! Kinda like the Rohirrim charge into the Orcs at the Battle of Pellenor Fields, ja?
Ah, right, those strange contraptions I was having trouble visualizing, the one kind of like what Leonardo designed. Still a bit odd, but some pretty strange things have been put onto war fields over the centuries.
They're spear-chuckers? I must have missed that from earlier. But, ja, it doesn't take long for a horse to tire. That's something I think a lot of people today don't know.
That's the trouble when your opponent has large numbers of expendable personnel. It's a lot harder to do Shock-and-Awe when the other guy has no particular aversion to death.
Visualizing the terrain, I can easily see how a chariot pile-up could quickly bring the whole thing to a screeching halt.
Did Hubert not already know he was engaging in a suicide charge? It seems to me that this bit of introspection might be better placed much earlier, when he's preparing for the charge. That's still pretty poignant, the knowledge that a person won't see their own grandchildren.
Heroism, or desperation? Either way, that's the sort of behavior that will get you into Valhalla!
Great descriptions of the wave grinding up the Goons! That's pretty horrific, though, if we pause to really let that bit of the movie play in our heads! Adding to that, aren't the human warriors splashed with blood and gore from their fight already? And what about the sounds of the wounded and dying? And the smells? What a mess!
Ja, something's up.