|Reviews for The New Girl|
| Guest chapter 6 . 7/14/2012
Squeeeeeeeee! Jai is so sweet! I think you did good with his character, he comes off as a passionate but sweet guy. Sigh, if only more men were as attractive and as sweet as him... Keep writing!:)
| M.J Writer chapter 6 . 7/3/2012
Just read the chapter and it was great! I'm really loving this story and if you need any other opinion, you know where to find me:)
BTW, I would personally love a Jai/Sam scene..! I really liked what Jai said..
| M.J Writer chapter 2 . 6/23/2012
Hey i really like your story!
I think jai should go to Phoenix until Tori becomes strong enough, until she learns to love herself.
We could see the progress and then jai comes back and the start having a relationship..
Anyway it's just an idea..
Good luck with your story,
I hope you update soon,
| fbobs chapter 3 . 5/9/2012
This is an interesting plot idea. I'm going to be interested to see what you do with it.
The POV is good, you aren't sitting in everybody's head at the same time.
Please take this as positive input: It's a good story, but it's moving really fast, almost like the sketch of a story that is going to be really written, all the details needed for credability, in the next draft.
I could see Tori being used undercover in college, in a highschool, in a foster home where the parents were linked to some suspected terrorist cell or other. She's 16 which places all sorts of federal limitations on what she can and can't do, work hours, and so forth, so some thought needs to be given to how Joan, maybe working with the FBI if it is domestic, gets legal permission to have her do that.
If it's overseas, I'm not sure how it would be handled. She could sit in a square in a town overseas looking completely innocent over hearing all sorts of good things that would relate to an ongoing operation to capture terrorist, but it would be support to the main mission, the the main mission.
I have my first story in work, you might want to read it to see what I mean about filling in detail. My POV control is not as good as yours in the first chapter, but it gets better as the story progresses.
I'll continue to read this to see how it goes.
| amberrox chapter 3 . 4/4/2012
Thank you so much for the preview! I am checking this story everyday! It is really really good. One of the better Covert Affairs ones :) Keep writing!
| amberrox chapter 2 . 4/4/2012
omg! this is a really good start! I really like this story! pls keep writing! :)