|Reviews for Nijiiro|
| Four Chaos Gods Drinking Beer chapter 6 . 6/23/2014
GLORIOUS takes the term 'love thy self' to a whole new level
| amado15 chapter 8 . 2/22/2014
well I honestly prefer this than the anime's way of doing it. its a lot more better and gives a better explanation to the series.
| The Kunoichi chapter 8 . 8/1/2012
Best. Ending. EVER! That was so awesome, you did a great job with the story! I hope you continue to write more awesome things! :)
| Akar chapter 8 . 8/1/2012
Wow...it's over! Congrats on completing the story, it was a fun ride and it was great to see your take on the events of the anime, with a selfcest twist.
I think overall this chapter was very strong. I liked how you brought back each of the girls from all the other chapters, and had Mato reference each of them in turn - it really brought a sense of 'togetherness' to the whole thing, as opposed to each girl being 'alone' in terms of being with their Other Selves. I also liked how, at the end, you wrote them all as putting their lives back together while spending time with their respective Other Selves, while also referencing their relationships with each other. That was something I actually really liked since I was a little worried that each girl might get too wrapped up with their Other Selves and remain a sort of 'island', so it was really nice for me to see that shared kinship amongst all of them. Loved how Mato stood up for her friends too when talking to Insane Black Rock Shooter. Plus the ending, with the completed rainbow, matches the whole theme of the fic, which was a nice touch and a good way to end everything.
Insane Black Rock Shooter is well-characterized, I have no complaints about her. I liked how you wrote her actions, violence, and speech. The way you would describe her armor clanking as she walked, how she punctuates her sentences with disdain, threatening action, shouts, and so on went a long way in showing how completely wrapped up in violence IBRS was, and Mato's nonviolence and 'fighting with words' was a great contrast with that.
One thing I've noticed while reading was that it was sometimes confusing as to who is doing what. Though that was something that wasn't too big of an issue, sometimes I was a little unsure as to who the 'she' was referring to, so maybe using less 'she' and using more of their names would help with that? It's not really a big issue though, just something to keep in mind. Also a little confused as to what Insane Black Rock Shooter is, and where Black Rock Shooter came from - did they separate? Was IBRS a 'false' Black Rock Shooter? Did Mato somehow 'recreate' Black Rock Shooter?
Additionally, the part [Yuu's cry fades into echoes as Strength's soul fades into light. When Mato turns, crying, to find her Rock, she sees only the ends of her twintail hair vanishing from sight as the girl turns and walks away.] was confusing. One moment Mato was in Black Rock Shooter's arms, then, Rock...disappears to leave when Strength dies, and Mato is crying? It wasn't clear what happened in the space between the hug and the line 'there are fractures...', so the jump was jarring.
Finally, nitpicky stuff...there are some typos, mostly misspelled words but also some punctuation errors too, like missing commas and spaces and such. Also the sentence [Black Rock Shooter slams her enormous, pointed cannon into the earth beside her, the metal clanking loudly, causing Mato to recoil. "And about me," she completes.] - I feel as though you don't really need a 'she completes' here. With the 'she completes', it comes across as a little much in my opinion.
All that aside though, overall I thought the chapter was great, a good way to end an excellent fic! Seriously looking forward to reading your next story!
| Sugerbone chapter 8 . 8/1/2012
If the first half of this was in the actual anime, I would have died from immense joy.
That being said, the entire thing is fantastic; you can see the small connections between each story, and how it comes together for the conclusion (Which ends rather nicely as well.). Shame to hear there won't be more for a while, but I'm perfectly okay with that. I'm just glad there's someone here who can write so well (and on top of that, wrote two chapters of MatoxBRS/IBRS; which makes me ecstatic all on its own.), and I thank you for sharing this.
| sweetbubbelgirl chapter 7 . 7/21/2012
Omg. I shound have seen this coming...
WHY DIDN'T I? I mean, rock was basically the Antagonist of the series.
Poor mato for having to find out what twisted and brutal person black rock shooter is.
Rock's last line creeped me out, wouldn't be suprised if rock was obsessed with mato. D:
RUN MATO RUN!
| Akar chapter 6 . 7/13/2012
Aww...this was very sweet, and I really like the last line, as well as how 'orange' the story is in general (orange sky, orange flames, orange eyes, orange world, etc), while being relatively subtle about it. After rereading the first part and then coming back to read this part again, the emotional impact is magnified a lot more compared to my first read. I'll dwell on this for a bit.
I feel as though Orenji Pt 2 and Orenji are very, very connected, a lot more so than the Aka chapters, both temporally and theme-wise, to the point that on the first read-through without Orenji Pt 1 clearer in my mind, the emotional impact was kind of dulled. In my opinion, it would have been better if Orenji Pt 2 and Pt 1 were 'closer', for lack of a better word, in terms of chapter order, while not necessarily having to come right after each other, if that makes any sense. Like, if you did Orenji, then Kiiro, then Orenji 2, then Midori, then Aka 2? But then again, the distance between Aka and Orenji would be too far that way...well, it's not a big deal because it's always possible to go back to reread Orenji 1. Also, I would like to add that I really like how smoothly Orenji Pt 1 segues into Orenji Pt 2, despite the fact that you wrote these two chapters pretty far apart! But anyways.
I really like the way you wrote Strength here. She is very lovable and brave, and the relationship between Yuu and Strength, with them actually speaking to each other and interacting with each other on a somewhat more 'understandable' level than the other pairings (since the reader is actually privy to Strength's thoughts and Strength speaks), really serves to set the Orenji chapters apart from the rest. In the somewhat confusing and blurred worlds of Others, it's refreshing to see a pairing like this. Not saying that Orenji is better than the other chapters, just different, which is nice.
It's pretty tricky to pull off an emotional delivery like this with all the dialogue between Yuu and Strength, but you did it well. Yuu's speech was moving, and you actually do a good job of using alternate dialogue tags, which is tough to do, so kudos. Although, I thought that the chapter sort of overexplained Yuu's reason for swapping places with Strength...but that may be because I read Orenji Pt 1 prior? At least, I know that while reading it, I already knew why Yuu chose to switch places with Strength in the first place, and Strength states the reason in the chapter too, and Yuu explains it again during the fall, albeit in more detail..
Overall, though, I enjoyed this chapter. It was a good way to end the Orenji chapters, and also, I really liked your general prose style in this one. There isn't any overdescription or underdescription, and you manage to get the details of the setting across as well as the actions of the characters well enough that I can see everything clearly in my head.
| The Kunoichi chapter 7 . 7/13/2012
... holy crap, evil BRS. Awesome chapter, I can't wait to see what occurs next! :)
| Sugerbone chapter 7 . 7/12/2012
So...I created an account just to comment on this one chapter.
This was actually the one I was looking forward to the most, and you didn't disappoint. The beginning, the build up, the ending, all of it was fantastic. I got chills reading the last line. I'm really looking forward to more.
| Ying Fa Xang chapter 7 . 7/11/2012
Oh sweet mercy... Things just got dark didn't they? Does this mean there will be a murasaki chapter to finish?
| Akar chapter 7 . 7/11/2012
Yes! Ao is out! Very exciting. On to the review.
First off, I really enjoyed the ending, it was very unexpected considering the overall tone of every other pairing in this story. The contrast between what Mato believes and what is actually happening is great, and throughout the chapter you built up Mato's idealism well, only to send it shattering with the stark revelation of what Black Rock Shooter is like when she's gone. The development of their relationship seems rather one-sided, because really the only one who takes action is Mato, unlike the other pairings. Actually, that was something that sort of nagged at me a little throughout this because it seemed so, well, one-sided! But it makes sense and drives home the impact of the ending, so good job there.
I also liked the irony of the first line being "It's so easy for Mato to understand Black Rock Shooter" and then by the end it turns out that she doesn't understand her at all. The tone of that line is pretty confident as well (probably because of the 'so'), which makes the sudden reversal in the ending more unexpected. Actually, the fact that Mato keeps reiterating how easy it is to understand BRS throughout the story helps that along as well, but yeah.
Also, this chapter focuses a little more on 'real life' events than the other chapters, which I really enjoyed, because it made Mato seem more of an 'outward'-focused person, which she is. The fact that Mato sometimes gets distracted from the Other World by the rapidly developing real world problems makes total sense and serves to highlight her helpful personality, backing up her own words from her one-sided conversations with BRS. I feel as though you could have spent a little more time on how the real world events impacted Mato emotionally because her exhaustion, with her fading in and out of consciousness, seemed a little sudden and unexplained.
OK, nitpicky stuff, there are some typos strewn about here and there (ex: "Mato years for adventure in her dreams", "on occasion she sees other girl with glowing eyes", "Mato can see clearly how practices Black Rock Shooter's movements are" etc) but those can be fixed pretty easily. Was confused at some spots:
[Mato is surprised, but she continues on.] - Why is Mato surprised? Because BRS' eyes are deep, or because BRS actually acknowledged her? It's not too clear here.
[There's a person who simply likes Mato.] - Is this referring to BRS or to Yomi, Yuu, Kagari, and friends? Well, I suppose it could refer to both considering how it acts as a sort of segue. Actually, the first time I read through it, I thought it referred to Mato's friends, but the second time, I was thinking it referred to BRS...haha. Well, it works either way, so it's not a big deal.
Anyways, good job on this chapter! I enjoyed the ending a lot, and I'm looking forward to seeing where you take the next chapter now that IBRS is on the scene...and talking too.
| The Kunoichi chapter 6 . 7/5/2012
Great chapter, I can't wait to see what will happen with Mato and Black Rock Shooter.
| Ying Fa Xang chapter 6 . 7/4/2012
This was very good. I never thought that giving STRength happiness could be one of Yuu's reasons for doing what she did. Very sweet indeed, it almost made me shed a tear...
Now, type Ao already! The anticipation is killing me!
| The Kunoichi chapter 5 . 6/18/2012
Yay, they made up! Does this mean there might be second parts to the other pairings as well?
| Akar chapter 5 . 6/17/2012
Wow. This was a very good chapter.
I see you kept the "Black Gold Saw is x" structure in this fic, which works well; it immediately called me back to Aka. Opening the fic with the scene of Saya waking up from her dreams and things being different, with the abrupt introduction of a car alarm lending the narrative a grittier tone, placed me in the tone and mindset of the story. As opposed to the first half, which focused around an idealistic and young Saya, beginning the continuation with an abrupt jerk into reality is very effective I think into telling us that, hey, Saya is grown up now.
You get the pertinent information to the readers across quickly and effectively - tone, setting, the relationship between Saya and Gold Saw in the present - so good job there. I like how Saya is still focused on helping others, and the line "Like she told Gold Saw..." with the wistful sounding ellipses adds another layer of how she feels to the narrative. I can't really describe it very well though...but the repetition of her telling Gold Saw serves to identify to the reader how Saya still cares about Gold Saw, and how she is working towards her goals, and how tired she is, and all that - it's a good way of saying a lot with a little.
Also disillusionment in a relationship in general isn't a subject that's tackled too often in fanfiction, and I really really like how you portray it here. It's businesslike, and while one can get the feeling that Saya still cares about Gold Saw, it just seems so...practical.
The section between "BGS is different now" and "BGS is ruining everything" isn't nearly as strong as the previous sections, though I can't pin on why exactly - all I can think of is that it is a bit 'much'. Perhaps there's too much being explained outright? Can't quite put my finger on it...but something about it is a little weaker compared to the two previous.
Next few sections are good though - lays out Saya's motivations, advances their stalled relationship, and Black Gold Saw is indeed confusing but that makes sense because Saya doesn't know what she's up to anymore and we're reading from Saya's perspective.
The fact that Saya's first thought about being cut off from Gold Saw is that she has lost her eyes and ears in the world of colors is quite telling about how far their relationship has fallen from Aka pt 1. It's something that has been hinted at throughout the story too, so it doesn't come as an out of nowhere shock to the reader, good job there.
I really like how you tied in the canon of the anime with your interpretation of events, by the way. This actually seems really plausible for Saya to do and think. I was pretty pleased reading through the part where Saya discovered the cloaked girls because it just makes so much sense. Actually, this entire segment was really good - the confrontation, Saya's feelings, how Gold Saw reacts, how pieces start to fit together in general, it's really great.
[the woman comes to her a different way, as though her presence is bleeding through Saya's mental armor] is a good line, well-drawn mental picture of events.
Their reconciliation is done well, no complaints. It's not rushed, not too long, pacing right on. And Black Rock Shooter's appearance, another tie in with the anime, and that happening as the same time as what's happening with Arata, and why Saya looked so shocked - that was really well done, especially since I had always sort of wondered what was up with that scene and Saya's connection with the other world in general.
Also we finally get to see Black Gold Saw's world! Nice. I like how the ending calls back to the first Aka too, with a red glow washing out all other colors. Actually, come to think of it...the first chapter ended on an incomplete Black Gold Saw is...which was the pattern for the entire chapter...how did I not pick up on that earlier...anyways! The ending is sweet, a good cap to the Aka chapters. Overall I thought this chapter was very strong. Seriously, this is probably my favorite one yet. You tied together the anime and your interpretation really well in this, so I am seriously impressed. The Black Gold Saw is... structure is more 'defined' as well, compared to the first chapter, so kudos on that. I am very much looking forward to the next chapter. Good job.