|Reviews for Deserted Corridor|
| Rodacoma chapter 1 . 10/16/2012
"bad at writing smut" you say? This is amazing! I love this and you're a wonderful writer! Keep up the marvelous work!
| SuperCali chapter 1 . 8/5/2012
Good enough for me! Thx!
| thetreasure11 chapter 1 . 5/22/2012
Isn't plotless smut lovely? Well, this one is at any rate.
| XYZ Affair chapter 1 . 5/3/2012
Haaahhhttt. Hot. Cute. I likes.
| Sheri Contrary chapter 1 . 5/1/2012
Loved the storyline...and smut is ALWAYS appreciated! )
I was a little distracted by how many times you used the word "he"...seemed like a lot (especially toward the end)! Also seemed like your PoV flopped around quite a bit...not that that bothers me, since I do it quite a lot myself.
I did like that our boys seemed to be very much in character (to me, at least)...that's usually fairly important to me.
Good job and WRITE ON!
| the whole world is watching chapter 1 . 4/20/2012
| Kialandi chapter 1 . 3/31/2012
Ha, nice end
| HAIDURR chapter 1 . 3/22/2012
wow LOL ;D
| lilithaofsherwood chapter 1 . 3/20/2012
Yay for pointless smut!
(No smut is pointless. The smut IS the point)
| ilovemoony73 chapter 1 . 3/20/2012
This was the first Drarry I've read, and you've done it so well I may just read more in the future!
For Characterization: Perfect 10/10. You did absolutely wonderful with keeping the two in character. Harry's resistance and initial discomfort are perfect, just like Malfoy's dominance, slyness and slight masochism are incredibly believable. The continued surname-use is clever as well. I like how it seems Malfoy singles Harry out because he knows it will weigh on his conscience. Very well done, incredible job keeping the two so in-character while doing something that should be unbelievable.
For Creativity: 8/10. I liked the sneaking back into the castle, and getting caught, then getting it on scenario (haha:3). Its casualty helps show that the relationship between them is not even platonic, it was more like a one-time nemesis shagging.
For Grammar/Spelling: 3.5/5. I'm doing quite some nitpicking here. Be very careful with tenses, it seems sometimes like you were trying not to slip into past tense. If a spoken statement is broken up by "he said" or anything of the like, there should be a comma inside the quotations, not a period. Also, the "he" should not be capitalized if it's attached to the dialog. Don't forget to use words like "but, and, then" etc. between clauses of a sentence; otherwise use a semicolon or break the sentence into two. And a tiny mistake- you have the phrase "Harry's grunts, glancing down..." but I believe the "'s" was just an oops.
For Style: 4/5. A few times you had two verbs in a clause that both end in -ing; the second doesn't always have to end with -ing; it can flow better without it. Towards the middle, I didn't catch at first that they were against the wall back-to-chest, so work on the efficiency of the sentences as well as the flow by reading it back to yourself or aloud, or even having someone else proof it for you. One last thing- statements such as "Though part of him doesn't care" flow better when they're connected to the clause they amend with a comma or (...).
Overall, a 25.5/30. Absolutely wonderful story. Great job, and thanks for participating!
| Bookwoman17NerdyMom chapter 1 . 3/20/2012
Love it! Hot, hot, hot!
| Kim-imprinted-on-a-wolf chapter 1 . 3/20/2012