I thought this was great. It’s true - there are lines that are said that presume off screen conversation. Like when robert asked Mary if the Pamuk thing had split them apart - we don’t know if he was referring to 1914. Because she answers why they were split in 1919 after the dance / kiss that Lavinia witnessed but no one else knew about. It’s funny because in series 1 , when Mary tells Cora about matthew’s off screen proposal - Mary says she loves him, but she has to tell him about Pamuk. Which of course she never does, 2 months later she still has not answered him and then her mother gets pregnant. All the discussion is about if Mary should accept him when he might not be heir. All the fan fiction I have read on this clearly goes with the opinion that she dragged it out because of her secret, but in reality that is not the message Jullian Fellowes gives in the rest of series 1 and 2. And that part is never addressed between Matthew and Mary.

Hey!
I loved it! :)

Excellent! I like how you pointed out that Matthew wasn't defending Mary when he punched Carlisle: he was defending himself. This scene feels exactly right, with Robert perfectly in-character, sussing Matthew out, and Matthew being his own kind of idiot, as usual. If people were just honest with each other, though, there would be almost no drama to speak of. :)

Hello there - I just came across this chapter. It is not listed under the general Downton Abbey - Mary C. & Matthew C. search. I only got to this when I clicked on your name.

I just want to say how much I enjoyed reading this. You have captured the inner emotions of Matthew & Robert so brilliantly. Thank you for sharing your talent.

This was an excellent scene to expand upon. I too picked up on little things, like Robert & Matthew's chat the next night with Robert, before the servants' ball about "you can't be blamed for feelings beyond your control". I like how you drew that out (I am more and more liking the tradition of the men staying off and meeting together, while the women go into their sitting room and have their chat). It's all so subtle, why Matthew go so outraged, not in defence of Mary, but hearing the truth out loud how he never loved Lavinia, but you see it. I like how Robert is trying to understand what has M&Ms relationship been. He could see clearly that she was in love with him - and yet agreed to marry Carlisle, and when Matthew was injured she had to be at his side...etc.. So there was a missing piece - of course he didn't know about Pamuk. All his thinking about things even in the last 24 hours when Mary told him about Pamuk, he got thinking even more. He didn't know about the dance and Matthew getting caught kissing Mary. But somehow, he knew, and said about Lavinia to Matthew, "you would have married her". When he asked Mary she said it was "something to do with Lavinia". So when Robert asked Matthew about it, and Matthew was unwilling to talk about it, we are still left with the question how did Robert know - I can only think that perhaps Mary told him. Mary was close to her father. Maybe, Mary went back and told her father.
Matthew just seemed to be plagued with so much guilt - not just the kiss - but all the things he did to Mary that were insensitive and hurtful. Mary endured so much hurt over those 2 or 3 years. I think he really thought he didn't deserve her, after all the things he said - telling Mary she had to marry Carlisle, when was so willing to give it all up and be with him. I understand Matthew's hurt and pride too.
He really had a lot to work through - but it did take Isobel and Robert to push him and help him to snap out of it. Mary was going to spend the rest of her life miserable because he couldn't forgive himself. And he was going to spend the rest of his life miserable. He didn't want her to go to America. He wanted her around him, but did not forgive himself at first to tell her he wanted her for himself.
I picture them, and there's some good FF stories of the night of his proposal, not only being free to love each other openly, but a lot of healing of hurts also took place over the next few days, weeks and months as they prepared to become man and wife.

PS You notice Matthew's tie was unraveled when he went over to Mary and Granny. Mary noticed that, and looked at him and smiled. I pictured her, after Granny and Robert left the room, left them alone together, as Robert liked to do, and she tried to fix his hair and tie his tie back up, and giving him a kiss. Think I'll write a story on that one.

This fic is so great. It actually fits in the story . I almost wish the Christmas special had this scene instead of one of the planchette scene.

Beautifully done Orangeshipper. I hope you continue writing such pieces which link scenes that we have seen but have made us wonder. for example - what was Matthew going through after Violet told him that Mary still loved him or what was was going through Matthew's mind after he danced with Mary in the servant's ball and before he joined Mary outside in the snow...with your gift I am sure you will bring it to life.

:)

This story definately does fill a void. I would have loved to see this in the show. Enjoyed your take very much. Thanks!

I too have always found Robert's "You can't be responsible for feelings beyond your control" statement to be very odd, so I'm so glad that you decided to explore it in this fic. I think you depicted the perfect scenario for solidifying some of Robert's suspicions about Mary and Matthew. I loved their conversation over port - the perfect balance of things being said without ever really being said. Robert, bless his little shipper heart, doesn't need overt declarations of romantic intent to get his imagination going.

Apologies again!

What really struck me in this was how Robert really wants Matthew to be a bit more open with him about his feelings and reasons for his actions, because he really wants that father-son bond (or as close to it as they could get), denied by having only daughters, and I think that Matthew would like to have that bond as well, but I think he's torn because Robert isn't his father, as much as he is a father figure. Also, Robert is Mary's father...how can Matthew talk about everything he thinks and feels about Mary to HER DAD? Well, he can't is the simple answer. So yes, I like very much how you got that across.

Also just love the sort of quiet triumph that the rest of the family are feeling, and how is train of thought is wandering and leading him to unlocking that which he has tried to ignore. (I bet he didn't get that much sleep that night!)

So yes, love this. Very interesting take on how it could have gone! :)

Your view of how Robert reads the situation is quite plausible. Now how about something from Isobel's side, after all in the churchyard she points out to M that M is still in love with him and later when attending dinner at the abbey urges M to "fight for her", little knowing a fist fight would occur between M & RC. Perhaps a chapter or two from the churchyard on to her hearing that M & M are engaged. I don't think Isobel would have found out from Matthew the precise "goings on" either in the last episode of S2 or about Mr Pamuk.

Wow, I'm really impressed by how vividly this one shot came to life in front of my eyes as I was reading it! That's how plausible, how loyal it was to the characters it was. Robert in particular! It's so hard to find a truly IC version of him - and to be quite honest he's often forgotten in M/M fanfictions. But your Robert - each of his lines were spot on, and so was his countenance, both his confusion and his hopes.

I loved Carson. In a way, I think he's one of the few who knew the real evil Carlisle was capable of, who knew just how much Mary would suffer from this union. Robert might've known Mary couldn't stand him, but he was oblivious to the kind of relationship between them. And it was so great to insert a moment with Carson, another father figure for Mary, between Matthew's interactions with Robert. And how proud Carson was of Matthew! With few words and a twitch of his eyebrows he said more than anyone on the Carlisle matter.

You see, I also loved how everyone was keen to chatter - and ask questions, and give their opinions - but Mary, the true hero and main character of the event, never spoke. She looked at Matthew (couldn't help it!) almost in awe and...oh, I loved this detail, and the fact that Matthew repeated to himself 'Mary was the strong one'.

"Deep down, he knew exactly why he'd become so angry. Because Carlisle was bloody right. And a part of him hated himself for that." ooooh well said! This is exactly what I think happened! And I loved that eventually he said he didn't 'deserve Mary'. He's admitting Mary IS happiness, but at the same time he's saying it's not *just* Lavinia's memory preventing him from it. When you said: "he'd been so… so stupid. For so long." it made me think that he was regretting his own actions toward Mary: his pride when he turned her down, his stubbornness after his injury, his words at the funeral and everything that had gone wrong. As if he didn't deserve her now because he had been stupid enough to break her heart multiple times. Am I reading it wrong? I tend to see what I want to see.

Oh I want to quote every and each of Robert's lines. They're all perfect. Every and each one of them. Particularly, the way he introduced the argument he really cared about. "Mary, too". (How smooth he is!) and it's just two words but they meant the world! And the air in the room shifted, Matthew was suddenly tense and I loved the FOCUS ON HIS HANDS. REALLY. ANGST HAND PORN. Can I give you a prize for it?

Oh, and they way they dealt with Mary's...past. Saying everything without ever saying anything! "Considering things" and never graver words were spoken. Matthew thinking ('distastefully' how wonderfully put) that he would've hurt, *really* hurt Richard if only he'd heard him say anything cruel to Mary! AAAA! My hero!

Back to the 'great matter', it was so beautifully discussed. Dancing around it on a floor full of glass shards. And only referring to it, none of them too keen to really think about it. I believe Matthew when he said he wouldn't have shunned her (he would've been hurt, he would've been confused, he would've stayed away for a while maybe but...he never could and never would despise her) while Robert would've acted differently. He almost disowned his daughter for going to a vote count for God's sake.

Matthew's body language was great in this fanfiction, as it was the description of the room, the taste of alcohol, the smoke, the remains of the meal...Matthew stiffening at Robert's admission that he would've reacted differently, his tensed shoulders and white knuckles at the mention of Lavinia. And then his use of the word 'sir'! That's Matthew's version of a cold shoulder, that's him distancing himself from Robert and telling him HE DOES NOT WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT. And Robert truly understands, and doesn't share Matthew's formal addressing when he replies with a "my dear boy".

Anyway, I love that Robert doesn't quite know what's going on, but at the same times feels it, and hopes for the best.

GAH. It was such a wonderful perspective! :)

never apologize for sharing!

I'm thrilled there are fanfic writers like you who can fill all the enormous gaps JF left in the plot. This was a joy to read, I loved Robert's interaction with Matthew and how he was trying to put the pieces together with the tiny hints he got from him, both verbal and nonverbal. Wonderful!

Thank you so much for writing this - it now forms part of my personal head canon!

What an absolutely wonderful surprise! As established in reviews for ATiL, I'm a complete sucker for Matthew/Robert-Dan/Hugh scenes and this is certainly one I wish had appeared on screen.

First off, loved the look I could very easily imagine on Carson's face as he helped Matthew find a spot to get himself sorted. You could almost feel the pride emanating from the dear butler. I think any lingering animosity he may have felt over Matthew hurting his favorite Crawley girl may have been forgiven by that punch alone. When he said "Don't be" to Matthew's apology, I half wonder if in his head he was thinking "Don't be sorry you punched him, be sorry you didn't hospitalize him."

And then the best part, Robert and Matthew alone. As always, I loved how you made it so easy to visualize the scene at hand with the two of them talking. I could very easily Robert taking the moment of the two of them alone to discuss Matthew more calmly about what had happened earlier. Loved the comment that it wasn't the stupidest thing Matthew had done. Robert couldn't very well openly condone the behavior, but given the circumstances you could tell he didn't quite want to condemn it either, so this was a nice compromise. Poor Matthew, though, when his head digressed to why it wasn't the worst thing he had done. And a major LOL re: the comment about Violet. Yes, Matthew has definitely cemented his spot as favorite son ... in her eyes :). Loved how Robert had picked up on how Carlisle clearly said something to set Matthew off, and definitely understood Matthew's resistance to telling him. He and Robert had certainly grown close over the years, but I could see why he wouldn't say outright what Vile Richard had said, if for no other reason then not wanting to repeat it to himself. And then one of the best parts, Robert suggesting that Richard saying something insulting to Mary precipitating Matthew's loss of temper and Matthew's thought that if he had, he would have made sure to have laid Richard low (I mean the man was in the army for 4 years! Surely he knows hand-to-hand combat!).

Really loved that Robert asked Matthew if he knew why Mary ended the engagement without outright saying why in case Matthew was still in the dark, and how he was glad to see that not only did Matthew know, but there was no judgment. I'm glad he kind of called Matthew on the Lavinia thing and how he wasn't sure where it left things. Matthew's reaction made it clear he wasn't sure either. But I was glad to see that both men were firmly entrenched in Mary's corner and while it made me sad that Matthew didn't confide in Robert, it made perfect sense because he clearly hadn't come to terms with his own feelings and what he planned to do with them. How could he explain something to Robert he didn't know? And Robert being the wonderful man he is knew to back down and was astute (this time ... he hasn't always been) to see that there is clearly something there between his heir and his daughter.

Absolutely wonderful work as always and thank you so so much for sharing your beautiful writing!