|Reviews for Haunted|
| Cansei de Ser Sexy chapter 7 . 3/5/2013
Is there people out there who ship Jon and Dany? Oh my, color me shocked! It never occured to me before,say the truth.
LOL, liked the ending though.
| Cansei de Ser Sexy chapter 3 . 3/5/2013
Oh, the beginning and the middle parts were really good, especially the middle part (it seemed a sort of Stockholm Syndrome, isn't it?) and the last one with the acceptance of her position and her will to change something, to make it better. She wanted to love him because it was supposed to make things better. Frankly, it was a bargain, lucky that she didn't draw the short end. (Well, it still didn't end as a happy ending, and that's fate for you, I guess :))
| Cansei de Ser Sexy chapter 1 . 3/5/2013
Oh, blast, you made me actually symphatise with Catelyn, imagine that! (Though a little bit) Never liked her much, is there anyone who does, I wonder? LOL. But it makes perfect sense from her eyes, and the world and society she lives in, and you conveyed that much very well with only few words. You're not really a woman of many words, are you :P
A question because the books are all mixed up in my mind, didn't Jon come to Winterfell after they married, after Ned returned the rebellion. So the first time she came to Winterfell, there shouldn't be any 'other woman'. I feel like I'm missing something, but well, as I said, my knowledge is all confused now, can't remember things well.
PS. Beatles' quote went amazing with this piece.
| Cansei de Ser Sexy chapter 13 . 3/5/2013
Hello, Lonni! I sort of stumbled on this, from Cloudy's new fic, normally I don't diverge from my little corner of cozy Nolanverse but the summary seems really good, and I got curious, then found out that it was from your drabble, so I came here to see it, because this is oh-so-bloody-brilliant! (Can't believe I finished this sentence!)
Seriously, with 'where most people would've said, Snow? We don't get it here, and laughed it all away' you captured the heart of Jon character in a way a few thousands of words could even dare to hope to archieve.
This was really good, and I'll read the others too, hopefully soon.
Be seeing you.
| CloudyDream chapter 13 . 2/12/2013
Thank you so much for the prompt, and letting me use it. I loved it.
| Lasgalendil chapter 1 . 12/31/2012
Interesting take on a little loved character. I think you nailed Cat's suspicion and jealousy on the head with this one shot. The last three sentences were the crux of the whole piece, and the pacing and wording were spot on. The only thing that could possibly make it better would be ellipses:
...Another woman, she could hate.
How can you make this great fic excellent? Play around with it a little bit more! I'd suggest reading it aloud, like a narrator. Any possible changes in pacing or sentence structure become much more apparent when you actually hear a moment of awkwardness, however small.
She starts off thinking "it had to be the other", and I think this detracts from the terrible (as in emotionally awesome yet full of weighty dread) one sentence paragraph: it had to be her. What if in the first paragraph her thoughts were of Ned's god's disapproval of her presence? Their marriage? Her worship, her customs, or her Septa?
You change tenses once in the first paragraph "Lonely people go mad, don't they?" Try "went mad, didn't they?" I think it will help the story flow so much better.
For the most part I love the non-fluidity of the first two paragraphs-it's the confused, broken thoughts of a woman mad with loneliness and paranoia. There's a few places where the choppiness hinders the reading, though. I'd use a dash between everywhere-or so she thought. You also used presence/presence and observed/observing in very close proximity. And observe isn't that scary of a verb, more scientific. Try experimenting with something more ominous like watching, stalking, glaring, etc.
All in all, this is a very concise, emotional piece. Keep writing!
| dismembered constellations chapter 12 . 6/24/2012
You're a great writer, love this collection.
| fanficlurker chapter 11 . 5/31/2012
Why list this as Arya/Gendry if you're gonna anti-ship them... /sigh Internet Trolls suck, so stop Trolling loser.
| Silver-'-Doe290s chapter 8 . 5/4/2012
I love these. Really, really love them. However, I do think you're being a bit harsh on Dany... all the rest are perfect, though. SSo sweet and sad and believable.
| kfb28 chapter 7 . 4/26/2012
WHY is JonDany so sad in this? :( not that it really matters, it is super well written, but stiiiiill
| shadow-of-a-demon chapter 7 . 4/24/2012
I like this chapter the best. haha. It amused me.
I think you potray the characters very well, you seem to capture their personalities almost perfectly in my opinion. I like your writing style and I really don't have any negative things to say. :) Good job.
| Sabbracadabra chapter 1 . 4/13/2012
Boo! I'm a reviewer. Bet you weren't expecting that!
Anyway, sadly, I'm just going to use this chapter to get on my little soapbox. Even though it is very good for a one-shot, I'm not going to write about that.
*gets on soapbox*
Ever notice how the oppressed oftentimes hate on or mistread other victims of oppression? Bullying victims turn around amd try to bully others. Sometimes, there are economic motivations (or threats of bodily har,), but often the only reward is that it does give you a feeling of power. In societies like Westeros, where women as a whole are also oppressed, they behave exactly that same way.
Catelyn is a perfect example here: It would be much more rational to blame Ned who is causing her discomfort by generally being a bad husband at this point in the story. Or blame her father, who essentially sold her down the trident for purely economic reasons. But see, that other woman is implicitly threatening Catelyn's position, yet isn't even present to fight back, so she gets it. As does Jon, later on, who is even less responsible (meaning not at all) for any of this and can fight back even less. And he's possibly seriously damaged by this (it's hard to tell sometimes). And so injustice is the gift that keeps on giving. The end.