|Reviews for X Chronicles: Rise of Sigma|
| TheGirlWithFarTooManyIdeas chapter 10 . 5/20
You know, I think my favorite part of these two stories are what you've done with Boom and some of the other bosses. Boom especially gave me chills in the first read through.
It made me wonder what sort of conundrum poor X would face if a reploid who had been tortured and experimented on DID come to hate humanity without the aide of the virus...because could you blame them?
While Zero was and always will be my favorite main character in this series (and maybe video games in general), I always felt X's martial pacifism and gentle nature went under appreciated. It's great to find a story that puts that up front!
| TheGirlWithFarTooManyIdeas chapter 16 . 3/21
I love these two stories...
I know how annoying these kinds of reviews are, but when is Chronicles 3 coming out?! I've been waiting for a long time now...
| Redemmo chapter 16 . 12/4/2014
Great story! Some critiques first, though.
The biggest is X's reaction to Zero's death. It was a reaction to the loss of a very dear friend. However, this friendship was never shown. What was shown in the story was a close relationship between commander and subordinate. Zero was frustrated with X going off on his own, but came to trust him. Likewise, X showed some appreciation for Zero saving him (at the beginning), and giving him leeway to do things like take on Storm Eagle. Similarly, the strong public reaction to Zero's death (statue, etc) seemed a bit over the top since all we saw was a Hunter (whose past wasn't really described) that functioned as commander for a month (or so, I wasn't really keeping track of time).
In relation to the above, my second biggest critique is that of missed opportunities. You did a great job integrating Alia into the plot, but you never really brought Zero in. Not only would giving Zero a bigger part justified a bigger reaction upon his death, but it would also give the opportunity to develop both his character and the others'. For example, a follow-up sparring match with X after a few Mavericks could help to bond X and Zero, give a change of pace to the story, and result in a conversation that develops the characters and their backstories. Or, interaction with the revived Mavericks and their attempts to hide themselves from Zero would open up the opportunity to talk about their history with Zero, fleshing out both their history and his.
A final critique is your use of words. I'm going to focus on two here: 'firmed' and 'optics'. These are unusual words; I usually see 'hardened' or 'eyes' in the places you use them. However, using an unusual word is not a bad thing in itself; it draws attention, but used properly can add to your personal writing signature. The problem (which could apply to any word, unusual or not) is that you use it far too often, resulting something like a speedbump in that it draws attention away from the story.
For 'firmed', you could try using other adjectives (hardened, quieted, etc) to give a more unique description, instead of just 'oh, X is firming again', 'oh, now Alia is firming too'. In addition, you should try to show instead of tell. For example, 'X's only reply was to stride forward, buster forming'. This shows a firm response instead of just 'X replied firmly', and can add more depth and variation to your story.
For 'optics', why not use eyes? It's a common enough word to be nearly invisible, like 'a' or 'the'. I suspect that you're trying to remind readers that these are robots, not humans, but you have no problem using 'feet', 'head', or 'body', making your refusal to use 'eyes' all the more jarring. I recommend using 'optics' rarely when describing humanoid Reploids. With less-human robots, it may be more useful to use 'optics' to bring attention to the fact that they are so un-human, like a turret or other unthinking, mechanical thing.
Now, on to praise!
I really liked the Mavericks. The individual battles were really well done both in the actual clash, and the lead-up. I liked how unique each was. There was going into Chill's territory just to get the boots, the armada against Launch (and Dr. Cain's battle debut), and Boomer launching an attack instead of just waiting for X to come to him. The interactions were really well thought out.
Of course, there's also the redemption of each Maverick. Going forward to your other stories, it'll be interesting to see more of them; especially Signas (I agree that it will add an interesting edge to his character).
I also want to say that you did an excellent job on Sigma's fortress. Each battle felt like a unique and separate event, instead of what could have simply been a rushed 'stick this in because the game says so'. When Boomer came in, I was worried that it was going to be a chapter of bland re-hashing of the original battles, but you did a great job!
Overall, I'm somewhat disappointed over the missed opportunities, but you did an amazing job on the story overall, and especially the battle sequences. I'm looking forward to reading your other entries in this series.
| Ahkiken chapter 4 . 9/10/2014
Your characterization of X is amazing. I love how you balance his rage and regret during his battles with Mavericks. He really don't mind blowing bots away, though. ;-)
| Ahkiken chapter 2 . 9/8/2014
Get better and better. :-)
| Ahkiken chapter 1 . 9/8/2014
Wow. This chapter was dead on. I could see the action taken place and felt X's emotion as he battled on. Looking forward to reading more.
| ArcaneMaverick chapter 16 . 10/3/2012
Bit of a twist with Sigma becoming Signas. I don't totally feel the pressure from all these secrets and the war you have cooking. It's not tangible enough for me as a reader so I cannot relate to the characters when they angst about it. As for improvements, you need to alter your word use. Some you use too much, like Frame. Body can work just fine when you need it. There are other examples, but you can fix quite a lot if you remember to write for the ear. After you write, speak it out loud and if it sounds weird, there is something you need to change. Catch you later.
| ArcaneMaverick chapter 13 . 10/2/2012
I was a bit disappointed you didn't include the original game dialogue. I mean, why not?
| ArcaneMaverick chapter 8 . 9/30/2012
You use the word grim too much. A thesaurus would really improve your writing. It's good, but you can do better.
| ArcaneMaverick chapter 5 . 9/30/2012
I realize that the problem with your writing is actually simply word choice. Sometimes you are redundant and a thesaurus would suit you well. You're doing great, just work on that. In a way I like the simplicity of this fic. Making X likeable badass is no mean feat! He's smart too. Most writers instantly go for the screaming emo kid which is not at all X's personality.
Not sure I totatlly agree with the logic behind X's refusal of informing Dr. Cain.
| ArcaneMaverick chapter 4 . 9/30/2012
I have so far enjoyed your novelization. One of the best I've read. Your description writing needs improvement, but your creativity for making the game elements logical is very good. I particularly liked the digging through head-bashing. I enjoyed the variety of stealth and combat along with the extra characters. They provide X an extra sort of mission which adds excitment. Great job. I know you're done with this until the next one, just work on describing things better. Know when to be direct and when to truss it up with fancier words.
| Akainokami chapter 16 . 9/8/2012
| Ken Wise chapter 16 . 9/6/2012
Well you have my follow, Cyrex. This is easily the best characterization I've seen for the X series. I'm really hankering for what you do with X4, because I've never saw the Repliforce war as the good guy, bad guy thing that Capcom made it out to be.
Anyway, keep at it man.
| Ellen Brand chapter 16 . 9/2/2012
Holy CATS, this story is amazing! Forgive me for not reviewing as soon as I found it, but I kind of wanted to see where it went first and give it a full-fledged review then. And I'm so glad I did. I love your characterization of everyone, including Alia. (She gets a little annoying in the games, so it's nice to see her treated as a real and interesting person in fic. Doesn't happen often enough.) X especially was excellent, since I have a real love for psychological exploration in stories. And the way you balanced that with the battle sequences was marvelous. It can be really hard to write immersive battle scenes, but you pulled it off excellently. The X-Hunters- X's X-hunters- were something I never saw coming, but I loved them immediately. What a great idea! If I had to mention anything that needed improvement, there were a few tiny typos and grammar errors. Possibly you need an additional beta reader- backups can catch things the others miss. But that's a tiny, insignificant detail, and overall, the story is fabulous, and I look forward to more!
| 89niners-best-team-ever chapter 16 . 9/1/2012
Like what you did there with Signas. And your right, he has a small part in the games. But as the games with on, his parts got smaller and smaller till by X8 he was not there at all. All you see of him is a small picture of him telling you how good you did on the mission.
That's one thing I hate about the X games. Why did they make X a b-class hunter? He took down Sigma how many times when nobody else cannot? But the reason for that is X is bare boned when you start a game with With no armor besides X5 and just a buster. When the games goes on, He should be S-rank. Why is Dr. Cain so dead set in controling X? Just let him go in there and kick some ass! Like his older brother. The first video game assassin.
X-hunters vs. X-hunters. That sounds epic as hell. I will wait for it. But... Will I get to see the Green Biker Dude? That guy has his on facebook page.