|Reviews for Her Butler, Wolfram|
| Dan chapter 3 . 9/2/2012
Plz update soon
| Doordox chapter 3 . 8/31/2012
AWSOME! ME WANT MORE
| Muse of time chapter 3 . 6/10/2012
Sorry I wasn't able to email or review in a while, I'm kinda sick. But no worries! I'm back! There was a ribbon around her head to cover her eyes to hide her eyes, remember? "dumbarse"? Why did you bring that in? But a real good job.
| riukslovlydreams chapter 2 . 4/15/2012
oh. my. shinagami. i .must . know. more
| Muse of time chapter 1 . 3/24/2012
hello, Sushi. We meet again. Good to see you FINALLY posting something that didn't fail (to show up). Don't forget disclaimers and such. Do you want to RP in the forums later?
| Paxloria chapter 1 . 3/23/2012
Ok, i like your Idea and writting style.
There are, however, some things you could do to improve.
"Her beloved angel, white dress with the tea staine never ceases from her view"
In the 1st paragragh, is in need of som adjust might want to re-read that section and modify a few things. You could even change it completly to
"Her only thought was of the lovely white dress, so like an angels, that was a presious hairloom handed down from moter to daughter."
Similar changes in the second paragraph should be made to your sentence:
"The picture depicted on the window was that of a holy dove; readyto gteet the day with a colorful display and then whisper the last breath in the household when darkness finally draped itself across the landscape"
because as poetically as it is written, it doesn't make sanse. This is not a magic windo that will change colors and sing. it would be better to say something like:
"The complex stained-glass window depicted a holy dove greeting the day as the sun shone through it, and welcomeing the night when the sky starts to darken."
or something like that.
Gunther had no reason to knock on the door befor entering and speaking wo Wolfram. Firstly, he is not a servent, and so has no reason to knock. Secondly, he is very angry and would not knock at al, but rather barge in.
I don't know why yoy spent so much time talking about Lycloris when this chapter is Wolframs point of view and she is not in it at all.
I'm also a bit unclear on who are servents and who are the masters & mistresses of the house. Who is master Balthesar?
I brief introductordescription on everyone might be good. Have Wolfram walk around and then talk about them as he briefly crosses their paths. that might be the best way to go about it
I'd like to know how they end up aquented with the phantomhive houshold.
wil it start with Wolfram crossing paths with the Phantomhive servent(s) while in twon or at the market?
Looking forward to more chapters.
| riukslovlydreams chapter 1 . 3/23/2012
hmmm well it's interesting, and it most defiantly interest me to quite the extent. i shall like to here more.