|Reviews for War for Cluster Prime|
| Aspiring-Creator chapter 14 . 12/15/2014
I liked this story... at first, but after I reread through the story several times. I had decided that it got increasingly worse and worse as I kept going back through.
First of all, I'm sorry if I come off sounding like a jerk but I really started not to like your OC Alex after a while as he started seeming more and more like a Mary Sue after every reread. He seems to have no flaws whatsoever and he is not interesting to me in the slightest and neither did Metallikhan interest me as a villain but let us stay on Alex first. Alex to me is like a Mary Sue for these following actions:
1) He effortlessly takes out Decepticons almost every single time he encounters them, now I can handle Smytus and Krackus being easily taken out as in all honesty. The two don't work well as a team in any case as they constantly bicker and squabble over the most insignificant of issues, but experienced Decepticons and Predacons, really? These are experienced soldiers of war that have seen stuff that you could only dream of seeing, they've seen soldiers being ripped to shreds, blasted and they have even done it themselves possibly hundreds of times beforehand. You honestly cannot expect me to believe that a robotic teenager can take out Decepticons even after years of not battling them, that to me is bullcrap.
2) Again, I'm not trying to come off as a jerk here but your character is kind of a whore for the spotlight as no other character gets any distinct moment of their own as yours constantly and I mean CONSTANTLY is the center of attention and it is especially noticeable during the chapter that you decided to have the Vexus clone nearly off him as I kind of felt like that every subsequent scene afterwords essentially treated him like he was Jesus and no I do not care if he was the first to inform everyone of the Decepticon threat as by the time he is nearly killed (and forgive me for using all caps on this one) THEY HAD THE AUTOBOTS, THEY DIDN'T NEED HIM ANYMORE EXCEPT FOR WHEN IT CAME TO FIGHTING METALLIKHAN! Why the heck are people praising this story when there are so many obvious things wrong with it?!
3) While I do not mind that the character is the son of Arcee and Hot Rod as to be totally honest, I found it pretty cool. What I did not like was the whole scene where you essentially jacked off your ego by having that flashback scene showcase the fact that Alex was worthy enough to wield the Matrix of Leadership and while that was kind of cool, it really seemed to come out of nowhere as if you realized that people were starting to consider your character a Mary Sue and rather than address the problems and possibly release an updated version of the story, you instead decided that your character needed a explanation for why he has all this power and while I give you credit for actually attempting to give an explanation. It still comes off as you writing out your fantasy without taking into consideration the possibility that you needed to tweak it so that it would work in story form. I get it, but that doesn't change the fact that it still comes off as just being a cheap way for you to live out your fantasy about being a Prime.
Now we come to Metallikhan who I can describe in one word: rehash. He is nothing but a rehash of Megatron for he does the same exact crap right down to being a traitor to his friends and leaving them to start a civil war. There is no list of complaints that I can come up with because how can I criticise a character that doesn't even have a single defining trait about him, I might as well criticise the smell of crap then.
The spelling, organization and grammar can be so atrocious at times and especially in earlier chapters. It feels like that you took a story that you had to write for middle school ELA and used that as the basis for your fanfiction as literally every chapter is RIDDLED with these errors and by the tenth chapter, The little grammar nazi in me began to tear its damn hair out as it tried to make sense of it and it was because of these errors that I was taken out of the story.
The plot itself, while ok at best, left me asking so many questions like this... WHY DIDN'T THE AUTOBOTS JUST DESTROY METALLIKHAN?! They could've easily have sent two separate teams: one to deal with the issues on Earth and the other with much stronger bots to squash the issues in space and plus don't the Autobots have snipers such as Crosshairs to deal with crap like this and as far as I can tell, Metallikhan doesn't have any crazy spider-sense or anything along those lines so what the hell is stopping them?
I'm sorry, but there is a reason why mixing together different eras of Transformers is SO easy to mess up and this is one of them. When I read about your interpretation of Goldbug and then read about how certain characters had their G1 designs, Prime designs, your own designs and the fact that there were Beast Wars characters involved. The designs just clashed in my head and it has never sat right with me as it was getting far too inconsistent and don't get me started on the whole fact that by looking at your OCs' designs that I cannot see why they would be able to transform at all.
Overall, this story is crap.
Boring and typical OCs
Constant design clashes
Ok plot with several plotholes both minor and major
Horrendous grammar and spelling
I cannot in good faith say I enjoy this story and neither do I recommend it. All of the issues that I mentioned above hold it back too much for me to even say that it is okay. If anyone wants a much better crossover. Look up "My Life as a Teenage Autobot" for that has better writing, a better plot and it feels more like a genuine crossover rather than this. Thank you and goodnight.
| xenomorphlover09 chapter 14 . 10/15/2013
i wish to see this continued because it's good really good
| sonicfighter21354 chapter 14 . 5/27/2013
Nice job . Oh, you forgot to add RatTrap, and Cheetor.
| Soundshock156 chapter 13 . 5/20/2013
Very nice so far, might I recommend a quote from bw Meg's which says "A mole within my own organization this whole time, and I never suspected." You could have Vexus say it when she fights Metallikhan, it would be an awesome quote to say.
Nice job with the story, very well done
| sonicfighter21354 chapter 13 . 5/19/2013
I sue hope Alex and a selected group of minibots and/or Maximals can retrieve Magas body and revive him, somehow.
| sonicfighter21354 chapter 12 . 8/31/2012
Nice work. I smell a battle coming up.
| sonicfighter21354 chapter 11 . 8/29/2012
I hope they can get Alex fixed and soon. Also, they need to contact Optimus Prime for reinforcement.
| sonicfighter21354 chapter 10 . 4/12/2012
Oh dear. I hope they survive.
| The Tell-Tale Man chapter 9 . 4/6/2012
That story with the new Batman on there it was too excellent enough so please keep up the chapter of this story and don't give up.
| sonicfighter21354 chapter 9 . 4/6/2012
This is going from bad to worse. Our heroes need to evacuate Tremorton ASAP.
| sonicfighter21354 chapter 8 . 4/4/2012
Nice work so far. One question, can Melody appear in the later chapter? After all, she desirves a second chance and a happy ending.
| Kung-fu Blaziken chapter 8 . 4/4/2012
IT HAS BEGUN!
| sonicfighter21354 chapter 7 . 4/2/2012
Look like Vexus's clone is gonna kill Alex. Don't if the real Vexus have anything to say about it.
| sonicfighter21354 chapter 6 . 4/1/2012
Uh oh. Q has been capthered by the bad guys. I hope Jenny, Alex, and Goldbug can save her. One question, what do 'Via' means anyway?
| The Tell-Tale Man chapter 6 . 4/1/2012
This chapter with Alexs' transforming into a robot was pretty epic so please keep up the next story.