Reviews for Behind Enemy Lines
WrittinInStone chapter 25 . 8/5/2014
I liked your fic, there were a few errors but all in all, it was pretty good.

The only thing I didn't like was the total and complete lack of diversity. I apologize if I'm wrong and missed it, but all of your characters were white. One of the things I really enjoyed about the Hunger games was the fact that Ms. Collins didn't ignore people of other ethnic groups like so many authors do. Several of them were, if not main characters, at least integral and important to the story.

I do like that Katniss and Peeta WERE NOT included because they tend to steal the show and mix people's feelings. So excluding them was a good call.

You have potential, that's for sure. If you fix the diversity problem and get a good beta, then with practice, you'll be a really good writer.
Fleur Leblanc chapter 18 . 7/5/2014
I Love your story but can you write who's pov it is next time.
Guest chapter 25 . 3/18/2014
Love love love it! Can't wait for the sequel!
that.girl.we.all.luv chapter 25 . 3/6/2014
i'm ready for the sequel ;)
Countenance chapter 10 . 3/1/2014
Your writing's okay, but your character development and their relationships aren't so fantastic. Its only been what, a few days and aria already likes Cato. Please give her some kind of hardship or problem. Arias' reaction and relationship to her father isn't real enough. Does she hate him? Does she clench her fist when she hears his name? is she cold and indifferent to him? And Cato. Your just writing about an arrogant, clich├ęd Cato. You should take his current persona and make it your own, by changing his personality a little. Make him unique, but not unrecognizable. Maybe the death of a loved one made him the blood thirsty person, but still capable-of-emotion-person he is now? But don't change him so much until he's Oh So Kind and Wonderful. Cato's a killer. He's been trained for years, mentally and physically to win the hunger games. He wont like someone or fall in love so easily. Give him some character, don't let his only characteristic be a smirk and an arrogant personality. Maybe some care for the person he loves, or cold, confident eyes, instead of of just the usual confident ones? Maybe he has some mercy. Cato won't fall in love so easily. For a romance to happen, Aria has to slowly wriggle into his heart, endearing herself to him. Or perhaps there's a fire in her eyes, something that makes Cato hesitate to kill her, eventually warming up to her, after she does something to prove her care for him. Because unless she has done something to really catch his eye, she has to be the one to make the first move. On a side note, I think that Arias' a ditz. Right now, this story is shaping up to be a fairytale romance. Which it should never be. What with those brutal acts committed in the games. Sorry, no offense meant. I'm just a harsh critique. And I really want your story to turn out great. :)
Guest chapter 25 . 12/10/2013
Dramatic ending. :P
I'm sure the sequel will be just as good.
Guest chapter 21 . 12/9/2013
Uh... why did he unzip the jacket? o.O
Guest chapter 14 . 12/8/2013
Why did they have to date in the first place anyway? If they were caught together in bed, it's not like everyone knew. There are so many plot holes in this story.
Guest chapter 13 . 12/8/2013
Arianna is acting a bit too desperate and I think you need to work more on keeping Cato in character.
Guest chapter 11 . 12/8/2013
You should make the author's note bold, that way it is easier to read. Also, you missed out some question marks.
Guest chapter 3 . 12/8/2013
I really like this story but you made a mistake which so many people make and it pisses me off so much. Defiantly means rebelliously. IT IS A WHOLE DIFFERENT WORD FROM DEFINITELY.
Guest chapter 2 . 12/8/2013
I liked the way it was written!
Guest chapter 1 . 12/8/2013
This is good, but there were two or three spelling mistakes, so don't forget to proofread.
rasetsuyukino chapter 7 . 12/7/2013
I'm probably going to be the only one that this bothers, but the pace of this story is just to fast for me... Maybe I'm just so used to relationships taking time to get to points like a first kiss... but all I can see this going is him basically using and then dropping her. I recommend that on future fabrics you might have to show some development- relationship or otherwise.
gabs chapter 25 . 10/24/2013
I loved the story soooo much! Sadly, there was one issue that i thought you should address... throughout your story you have mixed up the words "your" and "YOU'RE". In your last chapter even-in the last sentence! YOU ARE ALONE-YOU'RE ALONE! You can't use "your" instead of you're- your as in "my cake and YOUR cake" is totally different to "you are beautiful, YOU'RE beautiful". When ever you type "your" PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE see if you can replace it with "you are",because if you can, the correct word is "you're"... but really, i honestly liked your story...you're a great author, but you sometimes mix words up and it makes things confusing.
702 | Page 1 2 3 4 11 .. Last Next »