|Reviews for Palutena's Farting Problem|
| Guest chapter 30 . 3/22
poor pit...poor poor pit XD
| Guest chapter 49 . 1/16
Say, how comes Palutena never becomes a giantess and rips the loudest fart in history?
| Guest chapter 3 . 12/30/2016
Palutena so sexii my dicky is hardi
| Guest chapter 2 . 12/30/2016
Dark Pit frowned as cheerful Christmas music blared throughout the mall. Great, just what he needed was a crummy, lighthearted and full of cheesy Christmas specials such as Grandma Got Ran Over By A Reindeer. Oh, how he loathed that movie! The Smash Manor played it every year, almost every single day as the children loved it to death.
Ness wouldn't stop singing "Grandpa's Gonna Sue the Pants Off Of Santa" with Popo and Nana as they did the dance from The Breakfast Club. Lucas couldn't believe he used to be friends with those nerds, like seriously why did he ever thought they were cool when in reality, they were the worst people to ever walk the earth.
The most wonderful time of the year started playing as dark pit covered his ears. Luckily, his krew came to save him as they have brought the goods. Wolf, the forgotten member, had a cooler full of the greatest drink in the world.
"Dude, did you bring… the goods?" whispered Shadow. It was like the crack of the Goth world.
"Course. Wouldn't be goods without it," replied Wolf.
He opened the cooler, revealing Capri-sun as the mall Goths stared in awe, pleased over the collection.
There were many flavors from fruit punch, strawberry kiwi to even the glorious wild cherry! Everyone grabbed their magical juice pouch as they began drinking it like if it was the last thing on earth.
"Mmmm, yeah that's the stuff… yeah!" moaned Dark Pit. Mewtwo just gave him a look.
"What the hell are you doing? Its juice for crying out loud." said the asshole Pokémon.
"It's not just juice, its fucking Capri-sun," Cia retorted, drinking a fourth one. Mewtwo rolled his eyes.
"Like you need another one woman. Take it easy on that stuff, it can do you wonders," warned the psychic Pokémon. Before he returned to smesh to take more lives, he was a physics teacher at Harvard.
Pit couldn't help but be nosy wondering what dark pit and his friends were doing. He was told by Lucas father to keep an eye on his son especially since he couldn't trust that damn dark edgy McEmolord. The angel flocked over, with his annoying self.
"WATCHA DOING?!" he yelled joyfully.
"Gah! Fuck off Pit-stain!" snapped Dark Pit.
Pit gave him a look before gasping. Was that what he thinks it was?! Oh no, he must save the before they go on the naughty list for life.
"NOOOO PITTOO DON'T DRINK CAPRI-SUN! IT'S ILLEGAL!"
"Nobody cares," said wolf. The other mall Goths mocked the angel as Pit sighed.
"I'm telling lady Palutena and her new boyfriend Santa on u." pit went off as they laugh thinking he's just making stuff up. However, Lucas had a gut feeling.
Later on, there was the display of the nice and naughty list. Everyone to include Wario was nice this year while Dark Pit and his friends were on the naughty list. Dark Pit clenched his fists in anger wondering who the hell could have done such a thing.
"That damn angel sure really showed us," said Shadow.
"Shut up! I don't need to hear it again," snapped Dark Pit. He was angry, he wanted to scream but instead, he kept it to himself. "Crawling in My Skin" by Linkin Park started to play as if to mock them.
"AUGH! FAKE EMO MUSIC! RUN AWAY!" yelled Wolf. Everyone did so.
However, Cia had a plan. After all, she was the tactician because no one else wanted the job and everyone else wanted to kill. Wolf was just a wolf so he can do whatever his instincts told them as he howled at full moons.
"Hey failures, tonight we kill Santa Claus. He is a nuisance to this world and must be obliterated at all costs," said the dark sorceress.
Everyone nodded in agreement. At night, Lucas tried his best to sneak out of the house but to no avail, his father Ike caught him.
"Where are you going Lucas? Its Christmas eve you should be in bed before Santa comes," said the beefy mercenary.
"Father, i need to get something real quick. Mother said i can," he replied.
"No, it's that damn angel again isn't it. You shouldn't be seeing him he is a bad influence on you," barked Ike.
"But dad I love him."
Lucas ran out, causing Ike to sigh before getting his hot cocoa.
They met up at the Temple of Souls as it was the most gothic place ever, minus the paintings and statues of Link. She even recently obtained a Lonk statue just for the hell of it. Mewtwo found the place to be beautiful yet her Link collection ruined it. She summoned Dark Links as they served them delicious Capri-sun, hell she even had a Capri-sun pool and a Capri-sun fountain.
"Now, Santa's going to be stopping by a house not too far from there. We ambush his sleigh and when he starts to fly, we kill him."
"FOR HOT TOPIC!" everyone shouted.
Santa was making his trips delivering toys to all the various denizens of the world. As he began to mush Rudolph to fly, it started playing some hardcore Rammstein as it was singing in German metal.
"Ho, ho, HOE!" Santa screamed as the evil mall Goths rose from the toy bag.
"Hello Santa. Surprised to see us?" mocked Dark Pit. They all had a weapon of some sorts while Mewtwo killed Rudolph.
"Oops didn't need that." said Wolf as he howled at the moon. He looked at Santa, boy he looked tasty.
Lucas griped Santa as Shadow started to punch him. The sleigh was going all kinds of directions as it was now in front of Smash Manor.
Toon Link looked out the window, as he wanted to show Link and Zelda that he saw Santa. To their dismay, the sleigh was out of control as the princess gasped.
"What is going on?!" she said. Toon link cried since he was worried for Santa as Pit woke up and frowned.
"Dang it Pittoo! He's trying to kill Santa Claus." said the angel. Pit went to use Palutena's flight but it was too late.
The sleigh crashed down as wolf ate Santa while the mall Goths rejoiced. No more Christmas as everyone cried while some wanted to kill Lucas and Pittoo even though this was all Cia's fault.
Everyone got their presents at least, even though Palutena cried because her boyfriend was dead. Pit sighed, comforting his goddess while confiscating all the Capri-sun in the mansion. This caused more cries as some kid smashers got mad since they liked that stuff.
And that's the Christmas tale of how the Goths conquered Santa.
| thewritinggodess chapter 48 . 12/30/2016
I'm not even mad, I'm impressed.
| Guest chapter 47 . 7/27/2016
Honestly, if Phosphora wasn't a trophy, she wouldn't be in this, right?
| Stranger chapter 46 . 5/31/2016
Serves her right! Poor Pit, he really deserves better.
| wow chapter 6 . 2/21/2016
this is the most brilliant thing that ever came out of the 'kid icarus' franchise as a whole
| migelo chapter 3 . 2/21/2016
this is really entertaining if you hate palutena and pit as much as I do
| Ohfortheloveofpete chapter 24 . 1/12/2016
Palutena makes Terrence and Phillip seem serious.
| Ohfortheloveofpete chapter 20 . 1/12/2016
Fly away, Pit!
| Ohfortheloveofpete chapter 19 . 1/12/2016
Is Pandora next?
| Ohfortheloveofpete chapter 18 . 1/12/2016
Pit got turned into an eggplant again?
| Ohfortheloveofpete chapter 15 . 1/12/2016
I don't want to know either.
| Ohfortheloveofpete chapter 14 . 1/12/2016
Wow, Palutena ended up destroying the world.