|Reviews for Ky's Beginnings|
| eilonwya10 chapter 5 . 11/9/2013
This is a cool idea. You need to come back and proceed with it!
I really like that you're turning Patrick and Aida into real people with their own stories and fears, so what's driving the way people conform is past pain, not stupidity. It's also great to see 10-year-old Ky portrayed as thinking like a real 10-year-old. (By the time he's seventeen in the series and remembering his childhood, he's blatantly gone all poetic and is filtering his memories through his adult consciousness.)
On the issue someone mentioned with distinguishing different POVs through how you write them... this chapter starts well. Put in one aside about "deep in his eyes-so much like my sister's-so he knew it was true" and it's obvious that this is Aida speaking. You've already got her perspective when she sees Ky's expression as "vacant" and her tone shows she's frustrated by his reaction. Do that kind of thing consistently, and you're there!
It might have been more vivid to do part of Aida's sister's crisis in flashback, rather than summarize. The conversation where 15-year-old Aida tells her to be obedient and stick with her match, then her sister runs off, leads naturally into how young Aida reacted at the time and how her feelings about that (she clearly, in your last paragraph, still thinks her sister was wrong) drive her resentment that Ky's classified as an Aberration and her need to redeem him by helping him fit in. Again, it's all kind of "there" already in what you're saying, but you can take the technique up a notch and really make us feel it.
I do think you've got the bones of a good story here, especially if you keep pushing yourself on distinguishing the viewpoint characters' voices. I hope this doesn't come across as too negative - I wouldn't be making suggestions if I didn't want more-more-more of what you're trying to do!
| Annabelle chapter 5 . 4/13/2013
Wow! It's really good! I cant wait for the next chapter!
| chescaanne chapter 3 . 2/9/2013
I wrote this before reached was written so know that it is inaccurate but at the time of writing
| misskikimarie chapter 4 . 5/25/2012
| misskikimarie chapter 3 . 5/4/2012
| misskikimarie chapter 2 . 5/4/2012
Is this like a little flashback? Awesome!
| misskikimarie chapter 1 . 5/4/2012
Awww! I can just imagine it! It's so sad but also so cute! :3
| SpartanVolley6 chapter 3 . 4/8/2012
You did a very nice job with all the stories, but, you should add more snapshots of details. YOU SHOULD CONTINUE THIS STORY!
| Mrs.GaleHawthorne chapter 2 . 4/1/2012
Can't wait for the next chapter! this is a great start, but I think you should make it more clear as to who's POV it's in 'cause I got kinda confused.
| Mrs.GaleHawthorne chapter 1 . 4/1/2012
Great chapter! I like little Ky he's cute, and I like the part about him not knowing he was crying 'cause it vaguely shows his innocence. :)