|Reviews for Thowra's Curse|
| wlkwos chapter 1 . 3/31/2012
This looks like it's going to be an exciting story, with an escaped racehorse and a possessed Thowra. The idea of Arrow taking control of Thowra is just so ... well, uncomfortable, knowing how much Arrow hated Thowra, so it will be interesting to see how this pans out. I'm curious as to how he managed to take him over and when, since you say it's Arrow's spirit, which would imply that he's dead.
Naliah seems a feisty young filly, with spirit and curiosity and plenty of determination. Since she's so fast and has won so many races, will her owner try to recapture her? I can't imagine that they'd be happy to let her get away, and it would certainly provide an exciting (sub)plot, especially once she meets up with Thowra, who is also sought after by humans. There's so much you could do with this story, and I'm looking forward to seeing where you're going to take it.
One thing that I found a little confusing in the chapter was the scene break. Since there wasn't anything like a dividing line or an X or something to mark the shift from Thowra to Naliah, it took me a moment to work out what was going on with this golden horse - was it Arrow? Had he somehow managed to turn Thowra's coat golden? So some sort of distinctive marking to indicate the scene break would be useful.
I'd also suggest making the chapters a little longer if you can. Perhaps add a little more detail to your scenes? For example, you could describe how Thowra feels as he flees from Arrow, the thundering of his hooves, the branches whipping his heaving flanks, the sobbing of his breath. It can make the scene come really vividly to life, because your readers can imagine everything much more clearly. On the other hand, you don't want to sacrifice pacing upon the altar of detail, though your pacing is so quick that I don't think that'll be a problem for you. I do like the fact that despite the brevity of this chapter you've succeeded in setting up the two major plot strands and the main characters - Arrow and Thowra on the one hand, and Naliah's escape and determination to find a real racing challenge in the wild on the other.
I'm excited to see Silver Brumby fanfiction, and I'm looking forward to reading more of this story. Happy writing!