|Reviews for Apple?|
| Devilish Dream chapter 1 . 9/20/2012
This one is cute...
I love the apple...
| The Silver Poet chapter 1 . 5/28/2012
First of all, don't center your paragraphs. It isn't very pleasing to the eyes.
Your first paragraph is dragging. I don't really like how descriptive you were. It's okay to describe what she's wearing, but you should try to sound more creative and jumble your words up a little more.
"Sumire Shouda walked down the hallways of the hospital, sporting her Zara clothes beneath her white lab coat, whose pockets hid her newly painted nails." (Or something less loaded than that.)
Else, you'd sound like you're going to talk about Sumire for the rest of your story. Maybe that's just me though.
OH LOOK A SQUIGGLY! IT'S SO ADORABLE!
Don't use the squiggly. It's not a punctuation mark. I know it looks cute, but it's extremely inappropriate for a story.
The apple thing was cute. It's so Koko. But if you meant to make people laugh, then you've failed on me. Yes, it was cute and humorous, but I didn't laugh at it. Or smile, for that matter.
The ending also seemed quite awkward.
On a lighter note, your grammar is satisfactory. [:
| The Sandwich Poet chapter 1 . 5/27/2012
Hello, Black Maya.
Here is your Spicy Meatball Sandwich, because you are apocalyptic ;) (I meant that in a good way XD)
The Italian Top Bread:
Here is your complimentary lollipop! - Kudos to you, sister! I am actually a die-hard SumiKo shipper. I hate Sumire/Mochu pairings. D: This made me laugh, really. Haha. I find it unusual that Sumire is in the Neurology Department. The first thing that came into my mind was so that she could fix what's wrong with the Idiot Convention's brains. ))) (Mikan, Koko, Foxface. It was actually mentioned in the manga.)
The Spicy Meatballs With Spicy Sauce:
I don't think you even have grammatical errors here. But then it's not really comfortable in reading stories in center-align. Ejo told me that once and when I re-read my first fanfic and others in center-align, I actually realized what she meant.
Second, I think Sumire can as well handle to run in heels. After all, her character depicted by most is the rich fashionista who was born to walk in high heels.
Lastly, "Sumire Shouda walked in the hospital. She wore her Zara brand clothes under her white coat. Her newly painted nails were hidden since her hands were in the pockets of her white coat." - I think that you should specify which of her clothing articles are from Zara, or at least remove the word 'brand' because I think Zara explains itself. And I think it's not advisable for doctors to have nail polish. I'm not sure D: I don't think I've seen doctors or even nurses who have painted nails.
The Italian Bottom Bread:
Have you watched 'Crazy Little Thing Called Love'? Because when I skimmed the titles of your story and came across this, I immediately imagined P'Nam saying this word in the Snow White rendition in the movie )) Moving on... You've done a wonderful job in capturing both Sumire and Koko's personality. You even captured Mikan's undying and irrevocable bubbliness! At first, I thought Sumire would want to be a cop, but then you captured her perfectly in a different angle... AS A DOCTOR! :) You have a knack for writing and creating cute drabbles! You don't even need a beta-reader! Great job, Black Maya, great job.
A Sprinkle Of Parmesan:
I think you should totally make this a collection of drabbles on how Koko will court Sumire. And then on the last chapter, you'll depict their coming together in a full-length story.
From the Creative Kitchen,
P.S. This story's essence, which is carefree and bubbly captures the real you ;)
| Kyouyaa chapter 1 . 4/28/2012
Good day :)
I wonder why you put your story in the center. But anyways, that was cute! I loved it, honestly. Koko/Sumire is a nice ship. :) I liked how Koko was courting Sumire. Simple and sweet. Sumire should definitely say yes. Writing a sequel for this would be a good idea. ;D It was worth the read. Write more! 8D
| Enchanted Notes chapter 1 . 4/19/2012
Simple and cute.
You made my day. Thank you.
| HeideeMay chapter 1 . 3/27/2012
Haha. Funny. :)
| KokoroBliss chapter 1 . 3/27/2012
Koko's Courting is indeed Weird :D
That makes him Awesome ~
Keep Writing :)