|Reviews for Andrew Blake|
| katlynhart chapter 5 . 10/12/2012
Er mah gerd.
| Supermover456 chapter 4 . 8/11/2012
Oh my gosh. Continue this!
| Guest chapter 4 . 7/8/2012
really sweet man, im loving the crazed ax man, and whatever is effecting him. can't wait to find out.
| Guest chapter 1 . 7/6/2012
i love the ending of this page can't wait to see what she is "hiding".
| Morgane Lurker chapter 3 . 5/31/2012
Hi, sorry it's taken me such time to get back to reading this story (busy with school). Anyways, good chapter, will be interesting to see where this leads. The argument between Andy and his dad seemed quite realistic, as do the way Andy entions his nephew by name rather than "my nephew".
Anyways, looking forward to next chapter!
| The-Amazing-Deadpool chapter 3 . 5/1/2012
Good story. I am a huge fan of Alan Wake and this is pretty good.
| Morgane Lurker chapter 2 . 4/11/2012
Hi again, and thanks for reading & heeding my advice! The story is a lot easier to follow now, and the readability has improved greatly. Anyways, on to the chapter content:
The conspiracy theory about Barry killing Alan for the money was an interesting detail, as well as the idea that the cabin lights are visible under the surface - it sounds very much like the type of stories/myths that would appear about Cauldron Lake. Also, I think the new extended summary is better; It gives the readers and idea of what the story is about, without giving the plot away completely.
I'm looking forward to see how Andrew will unravel this mystery!
| Morgane Lurker chapter 1 . 3/30/2012
Well, it sounds like an interesting idea. However, there are a few things you could do to improve the look of the story:
- Cut down the paragraph length. You could for instance skip some of the details on Andrew's education, or cut down on some of the less relevant details. Also, I think the "Hi, my name is Andrew Blake" should come before the lines "As a child [...] thinking outside the box." As it is now, it seems a bit abrupt.
- Most of the info you give in the Author's Note could actually be cut out; telling the readers about Rose's and Nightingale's fates already at this point removes some of the suspense you could potentially build up.
- To avoid a "wall of text" you should start on a new line whenever someone else speaks up. Instead of:
"Please dad can we stay." "We can but that means we might have to skip a couple of the sightseeing spots when we leave." He said. "That's ok." I said. "Alright looks like we'll be staying for Deer Fest." He said. "Alright, hope to see you there, now can I take your order?"
you could write
"Please dad, can we stay?"
"We can, but that means we might have to skip a couple of the sightseeing spots when we leave", he said.
"Alright, looks like we'll be staying for Deer Fest."
"Alright, hope to see you there. Now can I take your order?"
- The punctuation in the dialog parts needs improvement: For instance, use question marks when someone asks a question. If it's clear who's speaking, you needn't add "He said" after every line of dialogue.
If you want more hints on how to improve, I suggest that you read Wayne Schmidt's guide "Amateur to Amateur: A Non-expert's Guide to Expert Writing (Adapted for Writing Fan Fiction)". Personally, I found this very helpful. You can find it at: www. waynesthisandthat.
(Just remove the spaces in the URL).
Mind, I do not want to put you off fanfic-writing or anything. As you see, my issues are mainly with the general appearance of the story. The fanfic itself sounds promising, and I do hope you keep writng, updating and improving.