|Reviews for Petrified|
| Kairan1979 chapter 1 . 1/23
1. I find it's hard to believe two medical professionals allowed 13-year boy to take care of their daughter, instead of researching the treatment of long-time coma patients themselves.
2. You do realize that by crippling the economy of the wizardling Britain he not only bankrupted the wealthly pureblood bigots, but Weasleys, Longbottoms and Lovegoods suffered too? "Apparently, the others refused to even do that" is not an excuse. Maybe they tried but failed. After all, the only owl that could pass their wards was Hedwig.
| sanbeegoldiewhitey chapter 1 . 12/14/2014
Not complete, as Snape got away with killing Sirius.
| desireejones99 chapter 1 . 11/30/2014
Pretty excellent, really deserved 2 more chapters as the end was very rushed
| Noble Korhedron chapter 1 . 8/22/2014
BAH! DUMB-ASS-DORK at it again!? Let me at 'im Potter, I'll kill 'im for free!
| AnacDian chapter 1 . 8/9/2014
This is not a review. This is an acknowledgement.
Thank you for writing. This was a lovely story. I actually teared up a bit, although that could have been the scotch. Anyway, it was an excellent slant on the ending of book 2 and I thought it quite good. Also, I'm reading 'with you here by my side' and enjoying that so far (I'm on ch. 21 currently) I hope that goes as well. I was a bit concerned about the intimacy of 11 and 12 year olds and hope that you give more foundation to the level of maturity they demonstrate. Since it has a K rating I'm not worried about it going too out of bounds anyway.
Thanks again for writing - Anac
| Blueberry Babe chapter 1 . 7/7/2014
Nicely done. Thanks.
| rani bharadwaj chapter 1 . 7/1/2014
| old-crow chapter 1 . 6/22/2014
The genre of Harry telling Dumbledore/Britain to go take a hike and leaving without a trace always makes for a fun read. Your tale was no exception.
| Deathday Party Planner chapter 1 . 6/11/2014
Oooo! Harry Potter with a stinger! This could be the kernal for a full sized novel. Thank you for sharing.
| DragonTamer01 chapter 1 . 6/3/2014
Not a bad story.
Hope Dumblefuck got thrown through the Veil of Death!
| marya.tracer chapter 1 . 5/13/2014
You've got a good style, your sentences seem to flow, you have good spelling and grammar, and you clearly spent a lot of time on this fic. So I'm not going to leave you a mean review, or a bad one, or one that says "you're a bad writer, stop writing." However, I am going to leave an honest review. Your fic does have some serious flaws in the plotting and characterization, and I'm going to point them out. Overall, I'd give your fic 2/5 stars. This is not to say you're a bad writer. Even good writers write bad stories sometimes, and we all have to start somewhere. Even J K Rowling probably started off writing bad stories before she wrote good ones. But I am going to explain the flaws that ruined this story for me, with specific examples. So here are 5 reasons I would give this fic 2/5 stars.
1. Harry is showing too many common Marty Stu traits that he didn't show in canon. Firstly, he is a wizarding Rockefeller. I understand that he was meant to be somewhat rich in canon, but what are the chances that Harry's parents, who lived a more or less upper middle class lifestyle, would be able to leave him the wizarding version of a billionaire's inheritance? Harry becomes magically stronger than both Dumbledore and Voldemort at the age of 15, as well as more reasonable and studious than Hermione. No explanation is given except that Harry is applying himself more out of love for Hermione, and this explanation is insufficient. Harry applies himself as hard as he can for 2 years. Dumbledore and Voldemort have applied themselves with equal (albeit different) motivation for upwards of 50 years. What's more, he also becomes much physically larger and stronger than he is in canon, even though magic in canon is never shown to increase physical strength. This comes off as a bit of a slap in the face to canon Harry, implying that he's "not good enough" to be a lead in a romantic story, or "not good enough" for Hermione. However, even more worrying than all this is how other characters react to him. He attacks Professor Snape and is easily forgiven and Snape is quickly shown to be wrong. The goblins of Gringotts are immediately ready to serve him, despite their usual cantankerous personalities and the fact that he is underage and has enough wealth to crash an economy.
2. Hermione's reactions are out of character (and she's a bit of a damsel in distress). I do ship Ron/Hermione. I don't think the pairing is perfect, but I think it's canon. However, I do think it's very possible to write a Harry/Hermione fic that is in character. People write fics that deviate from canon all the time, and do it well. However, this fic doesn't just deviate from canon in terms of the events that happen after Chamber of Secrets (which is a perfectly fine what-if fic) and in terms of pairing Harry and Hermione (also perfectly fine for a what-if fic), but in terms of Hermione's whole personality and reactions. I think it's totally realistic that Hermione is grateful to Harry for giving up his schooling to care for her and save her. Anyone would be. However, if I woke up after two years of petrification to find that my best friend had been caring for me and seeing me naked for years, I'd be nervous and embarrassed, too. And if I were a teenager who'd had a crush on him for years, this would make me feel more embarrassed, not less. Not to say I wouldn't also be grateful and elated, but I'd also be self-conscious about it, as teenagers tend to be (Does he hate me for making him give up his schooling? Did he find me *ugly* when he was bathing me? Am I ready for my crush to see me naked?) And if I were Hermione, I'd also be sad about missing two years of my life that I could have used for studying and improving my magical ability. I'd want to go back to Hogwarts and probably be horrified that I'd missed so many exams. While Hermione's smarts are mentioned in this fic, she's never shown using them, which is another problem, as it makes her seem a bit of a damsel in distress. She never comes up with magical cures for herself when she wakes up, and she constantly self-deprecates and sulks about the fact that Harry has surpassed her in magic and intelligence, and that she's missed two years of her life, but never does anything about it. As a matter of fact, many of the characters in this fic who aren't Harry (even male ones) are reduced to damsels in distress. The Order of the Pheonix never helps Harry to stop Voldemort, Dumbledore is afraid of a muggle man with a club, and when he can't find Harry he just gives up trying, Sirius is killed by Snape without ever becoming a godfather to Harry or helping the effort to stop Voldemort. And speaking of other characters...
3. ...Harry is a bit of an asshole to his friends. Ron and Ginny were right there in the Chamber of Secrets with Harry, but they're never mentioned in this fic. The reader is left to assume that Harry walked out and never saw them again. And when the old Pureblood families go bankrupt due to Harry's crippling of the magical economy, doesn't he stop to think that his friend Neville Longbottom (who helped his house to win the house cup the very last year) is among those old pureblood families? He also seems to forget about Hagrid and McGonagall, never looking to them for support, despite the fact that McGonagall is a half-blood who is very fond of her muggle father and Hagrid is a half-giant, and thus both would be sympathetic to his cause. And what about Dobby? Dobby comes back to serve Harry, but we never see Harry offering Dobby pay, days off, clothes, healthcare, or any other benefits that Dobby might want now that he is free. Does he just effectively re-enslave Dobby? Harry is even a bit of an asshole to Hermione, kissing her petrified body and calling it "my dear" in a way that sounds a bit objectifying. And what about Hermione herself? She never asks to see Ron or Ginny again (though her parents seem to be on good terms with the Weasley parents) or any of her female friends at Hogwarts or any of her favorite professors, and never objects to Harry's treatment of Dobby or his human friends. Is she just going to turn her back on her friends like Harry is?
4. Dumbledore and Snape shouldn't be evil (and should be way, way more powerful than they're shown to be). Dumbledore and Snape are certainly morally ambiguous characters, but ultimately in canon, both are instrumental in stopping Voldemort. Dumbledore has devoted his life to defeating Voldemort, and Snape has vowed to protect Harry out of love of Harry's mother. And in this fic, they just let that go way too easily. Dumbledore, the most powerful wizard in the world, is afraid of a muggle with a golf iron and Harry's accidental magic (two things that Hagrid was not afraid of in Book 1), and is unable to break the anti-magic spells on Harry's new home. Snape, on the other hand, appears to completely forget his secret promise to protect Harry, and jinxes Harry behind his back on the way out of the hospital wing in front of everyone (even if Snape were evil, he would not be stupid enough to show it in front of everyone).
5. Being an anti-pureblood bigot is no better than being an anti-muggleborn bigot. Harry and Hermione seem to be a bit bigoted against Purebloods in this fic. The reasons why are ones I've already mentioned, so I'll only recap them quickly here. 1) Harry and Hermione turn their backs on the Weasleys and never see them again 2) Harry crashes the wizarding economy, knowing this will harm the Longbottoms, who are his friends, and 3) Harry casts anti-magic spells on his new home in order to keep out any wizards besides himself. Rowling shows how she feels about anti-magic/pureblood bigots in the characters of the Dursleys, and in dropping out of school and leaving the British wizarding world entirely, Harry seems to be, as he himself points out, doing exactly what the Dursleys want.
| Hortensia chapter 1 . 4/30/2014
Lovely story, thank you.
| TxA-GunFighter chapter 1 . 4/23/2014
Awesome story. Loved it.
| tricorvus chapter 1 . 4/11/2014
This is the BEST one-chapter THAT I HAVE EVER READ!
True, I've only been on the internet for 4 years. True that I've been at for a bit less than that.
THIS THING IS GREAT!
This has worried me for some time now: How does Dobby come when called and not know whether or not someone is simply speaking of "dobby weave", "dobby cloth" or a "dobby loom"? Because those are real things. Just thought I'd put that out there.
| mobulis chapter 1 . 3/29/2014
If her brain was shut down enough that she couldn't digest food then she should have been dead because she wouldn't have been able to breath on her own either.