|Reviews for GB Plus Me Part 1: One of the Boys|
| NrdyGrl chapter 11 . 6/16/2012
I was very excited when I read the description for this piece because I always wondered why none of the guys, other than Peter of course, had any women in their lives. Even if those women were just friends.
If I had any criticism, it would be two things:
1) There are many places where words and punctuation are missing. I have mastered reading things like that, but for people who haven't, it could be difficult or even a deterrent.
2) I've only seen the TV version of this, but my dad saw the movie in theaters, and we were watching this today. Peter didn't say "mother pus bucket", although I don't know what he said.
Now on to GB plus me part II!
| deepfathom chapter 10 . 4/16/2012
My theater class got out wayyyy early this morning so I decided to head to my favorite campus cafe and finish reading your story over breakfast :)
Very glad I did!
Woohoo! Good job. I really like the first-person touch, especially from Jennifer's POV. This hasn't been done much in the GB fanfiction universe...as far as I know, anyway. I especially liked how the narrative followed her all the way through instead of trying to cram in every detail from the movie. A lot of authors try to do that when they write directly from the movie and it ends up just getting bogged down, boring, and very much unoriginal, so nice move on your part for managing to avoid that! :)
One thing that kind of bothered me: there are A LOT of missing words scattered everywhere throughout the entire story. It might be a good idea to give the whole thing another in-depth editing sweep, re-upload the chapters and replace them.
Other than that, it was very enjoyable! :) Can't wait to read the next one when I get a chance!
| deepfathom chapter 1 . 4/9/2012
Hey! I finally got a chance to read the first chapter!
Well done. I like the idea of finding out who the blond girl at the beginning of the movie is. Very original!
One suggestion: Though helpful to readers who aren't as familliar with the GB universe, author's notes in the middle of the story can be distracting. Also, I think it's safe to assume that everybody who reads your story already knows about the two particular points you brought up in the A/N's in this chapter. If you want to keep the notes in, maybe put them at the bottom or the top of the story. :)
| deepfathom chapter 3 . 4/5/2012
Ok, so haven't had much of a chance to read this very in depth yet, but what I have read, I like :) I especially like how you used the girl from the beginning of the first movie! Clever twist!
Sorry I haven't reviewed sooner than this...things tend to get pretty hectic being a full-time student/mom. Yikes. Promise I'll get around to it and the rest of your Wizard of Oz soon!